There is an actual What Not to Wear to CPAC graphic. Hey freedom-lovers! It's not the boss of you!

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fashion tips

D.C.-based media strategist and CPAC communications director Adrienne Royer has a do/don't list for all those confused, wishy-washy, tasteless, frumpy, slutty, and/or compliant females (and males) attending the big Conservative Political Action Conference.

Wait a minute, aren't conservatives supposed to be all think-for-themselvesy? Don't they thrive on "liberty" and "freedom" and "don't tell me WTF to do" (except in cases of legal abortions and voting rights, of course)? But that's not important now. What is important is this:

According to Washington Whispers, Royer "was inspired to make the infographic because interns for her event didn't know what to wear." And per Royer, "cocktail dresses and five inch heels" simply will not do!

Men, are you taking notes?

So she concocted this... thing:

what to wear at CPAC via Washington Whispers

Wait. No Uggs? Well, I never! And geez, no halter tops, miniskirts, Crocs, or bedroom slippers? Everyone knows how sexy minis look with a snappy pair o' Crocs!

crocs

Buzz kill! Way to ruin a perfectly groovy event, Adrienne!

But this was my favorite part:

what to wear at CPAC via Washington Whispers 2

Would I wear it to Walmart? It might be comfortable, but if you look like a slob, DON'T WEAR IT! While you don't have to pack a 3-piece suit, stay away from jeans, sweats, leggings, shorts, ballcaps & most of all... T-shirts!

That's it. Deal breaker. There goes my entire wardrobe. Looks like I'm skipping CPAC 2013!

you're not the boss of me

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  • http://twitter.com/wicked_cricket Lady Blessington

    oh damn. now I wanna go wearing jeans and my OHIOANS FOR OBAMA t-shirt ... 

  • Bose

    Hilarious.

    Especially that intern-aged CPAC attendees are overwhelmingly likely to have grown up in conservative social and church-going environments, learning all too well what is proper and professional. Those who go for a different vibe are probably (a) wanting to be recognized as a non-clone (b) hoping to connect with like-minded conservatives (c) open to flirting or more (d) all of the above.

    And of course, Grindr will be beefing up its infrastructure to meet the needs of well-dressed men at CPAC who can't quite let their wild side loose out of the closet.

  • http://twitter.com/Anomaly100 Anomaly One Hundred

    No Doc Martens? I'm outta here!

  • mellowjohn

    my wife says i got into advertising and then teaching special ed so i could wear jeans everyday.
    she's not wrong.