MSNBC: Preen forward #OhButIKid

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Oh, but I kid MSNBC. I watch it every single day, and despite it being the only major cable news outlet I can tolerate (or appreciate), there are a few observations that I can no longer keep to myself. Gotta vent. Here's my (satirical) take on MSNBC daytime:

MSNBC Host 1: So welcome to my very own show. So, today's guests are Goldie Taylor, Howard Fineman, David Corn, Joan Walsh, Michael Steele, Jonathan Alter, Michael Eric Dyson, Nicolle Wallace, Mark Halperin, Michael Isikoff, Jonathan Capehart, Kasie Hunt, Eugene Robinson, Ezra Klein, Dave Weigel, Steve Schmidt, and all my fellow MSNBC hosts who are all here to talk about their very own shows! Every single one of them. So have I told you guys what a great job you do? GOD you're good. You all excel at your jobs! To call you stellar doesn't do you justice! I'm so proud to call you "colleagues."

Chuck Todd, Steve Kornacki, Alex Wagner, Chris Hayes, Joy Reid, Ronan Farrow, Krystal Ball, Karen Finney, Melissa Harris-Perry, Ari Melber: So, thank you, my friend! So, congratulations to us! So, group hug to Camera Three!

MSNBC Host 2: So when we return, we'll explore why every MSNBC commentator begins each thought with, "So..." We'll be back in 15 minutes after these messages from Cialis, Cymbalta, Lipitor, Abilify, Celebrex, Humira, Nasonex, and Lyrica.

Chuck Todd, Steve Kornacki, Alex Wagner, Chris Hayes, Joy Reid, Ronan Farrow, Krystal Ball, Karen Finney, Melissa Harris-Perry, Ari Melber: So you forgot AT&T, BP, Exxon, Citibank, catheters, vaginal dryness meds, and Christian Mingle!

One hour later...

MSNBC Host 2: So here to help us make some sense of our top story is the host of [insert any MSNBC daytime show here]. Thanks for being here, Other Host.

Other MSNBC Host: So I'm honored, my friend. You are awesome.

MSNBC Host 2: So no, YOU are, my friend.

Other MSNBC Host: No, YOU! So.

Luke Russert: Um, hello? So did somebody forget to intro Tim Russert's trying-to-fill-his-father's-big-shoes son over here on the monitor? So I've got an exclusive I'm dying to break right here on your very own show, MSNBC Host 2!

MSNBC Host 2: So we could never forget YOU, Luke, my friend, my brother. What's your scoop? You always have the BEST scoops! GOD you're good.

Luke: So, so are you. You are a FABULOUS host, as are you, Other MSNBC Host. You two are superb at everything you do. Nobody does it better. So I'm in tears. Seriously. So how cool is it that we're all such good friends? So who knew being this incestuous could pay so well?

MSNBC Host 2: So tell us your scoop, Amazingly Adept Luke, my brother, my friend, MSNBC's own Sage of Washington DC, Our Capitol Hill Crusader! So don't you just love these obvious displays of public camaraderie? It's like our own private little club! So whatcha got, my friend?

Luke: Well crap. I forgot.

MSNBC Host 2: So we'll be back right after these words from Cialis, Cymbalta, Lipitor, Abilify, Celebrex, Axiron, Humira, Nasonex, Lyrica,  AT&T, BP, Exxon, Citibank, catheters, vaginal dryness meds, Febreze, Aleve, Verizon, Samsung, Cliffside Malibu Rehab Center, Christian Mingle, GE, financial groups you've never heard of, and endless promos of other MSNBC programming and the new MSNBC website!

One hour later...

MSNBC Host 3: So now for more repetitive analysis, welcome back to the hosts of all of our other fantastic shows. You all do such great work. Nobody does it better than you, my friends. GREAT reporting! You all look GREAT! Our audiences should be tuning into each of your shows every single day and night, no matter what effect that much exposure to redundant political infotainment has on their personal relationships!

Chuck Todd, Steve Kornacki, Alex Wagner, Chris Hayes, Joy Reid, Ronan Farrow, Krystal Ball, Karen Finney, Melissa Harris-Perry, Ari Melber: So Rachel has a very special Special coming up! Let's plug it! Over and over and over again!

MSNBC Host 3: I was just about to. But first, may I just say, you guys really set a high bar for journalistic standards. GREAT reporting, guys! But now it's time for the Tweet of the Day from Chris Matthews, MSNBC's very own god. But first: So when is Ezra Klein getting his own show already? He may put us to sleep in seconds, but he does such incredibly GREAT work! GREAT reporting! What a find! Am I right, my friends? Hey Farrow, stop giggling. So I'll get your responses to this and more on the other side of the commercial break. We have a new sponsor: ZzzKlein, er, Quil.

Fade out.

(Laffy Note: I didn't forget to include Lawrence O'Donnell, Chris Matthews, Ed Schultz, or Rachel Maddow in the Long Host List. While they do pop in on election nights or to promote a special or a book occasionally, they rarely guest on other shows as commentators/panel members.)

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  • http://nefariousnewt.blogspot.com NefariousNewt

    I've been boycotting MSNBC for a while, now. I don't believe they are bad people... well, except at the top. The company is definitely run by Corporate lackeys of The Monied Powers...

    The fact is, MSNBC has become so insular as to be un-watchable. Between recycling hosts and guests (diverse as they may be) and the constant commercial breaks interrupting the flow of conversations, it's more frustrating than invigorating. They need to get their act together, and they need to do it soon.

  • RepublicanSwine

    Thanks HardyBear, I had not heard of the Book. Will get it.

  • http://www.freerangetalk.com/ hardybear

    Could not agree more, RepublicanSwine, and the strangest thing is I got this out of the bookcase last night when I needed something to read during the evening line-up, I kid thee not. If you haven't had the pleasure, it's a hell of a read. Was in a second-hand shop in Maine with the liberal in-laws a few years back and found it waiting.

  • http://www.freerangetalk.com/ hardybear

    You hit this one over the Green Monster, Lady Laffy. Was secretly hoping for this post as soon as I heard you and Nicole Sandler taking the hot topic to town on Tuesday -- it is getting to the 'hold your nose' point on some shows, and sadly I'm not even putting Morning Schmoe first on the list of olfactory and other sense offenders. We probably wouldn't have minded giving the wee Ronan a try on the weekend to Up the youth viewership but so get why he's being pretty universally booed for the desperate celebrity line-cut. Those Cyclists must totally want him tested.

  • RepublicanSwine

    Great post Laffy. And spot-on. The latest Ronan hire left me at a loss. Not knockin Ronan, but how does this guy fall into a prime host spot on a major cable outlet? Especially when you consider all the talent out there among left voices. Mike Papantonio, Sam Seder, Randi Rhodes, Maron, Cenk, Hartmann, etc. etc.

  • http://thepoliticalcarnival.net/ GottaLaff

    Ramona, I am actually writing up a post today about the Dianne Feinstein comment. I caught that too, and nearly puked.

  • Sandy Knauer

    Nice job, Laffy. I could live happily without the daytime line-up.

  • http://thepoliticalcarnival.net/ GottaLaff

    Jimmy, there are SO many reasons none of that will happen. But let's just take your KO suggestion, for example. He would NEVER agree to come back to MSNBC nor would he EVER agree to limit himself to a weekly segment on someone else's show, especially after having had his own daily show on that network for years. Plus, the reason you don't see a Randi Rhodes or Marc Maron is the same reason Cenk got booted. They like a beltway mentality over there, for the most part. Randi is too "outspoken" for them, even though she's a strong supporter of Pres. Obama. And one minor point: Chris Hayes has brought actual union workers on his show repeatedly. Ed sticks to the union leaders, for the most part.

  • JimmyPete

    Jesus there are some great liberal comedians out there, or Stephanie Miller, or Randy Rhodes , give them a little time, rather than this pathetic bunch, I can tolerate
    Ed Schultz because he is the only "progressive" really talking about the working class and union guy, more power to him , Rachel, of course, is very good. Al
    Sharpton comes with way too much baggage, Mika is soooooo weak she is Colmes to Joe being Hannity, why not slowly bring back Keith, let him do a sports segment once twice a week on Rachel or another show, there are some incredible sports issues NFL concussions, NCAA players forming unions. MSNBC could be so much better, ps Marc Maron is fantastic and apparently has the most successful pod cast since porn.

  • mmaynard119

    There are grumblings at MS-NBC to the effect that Roman Farrow got hired because of his ties to Hillary Clinton. MS-NBC wants to get in tight with the next President before other networks do.

  • mmaynard119

    Speaking of which, when is Triumph! The Insult Comedy Dog going to have his own MS-NBC show?

  • mmaynard119

    Well done! Of course, there was all the nonsense with Martin Bashir, who got fired for being honest and adult.

  • skippy

    this was hilarious!! right on the money! or should i say bitcoin?

  • suesista

    I left them behind a year ago, and within a few more months, all TV. Maybe it was the format of predictable host and talkers, like a little club. And melodramatic and or indignant...just became tedious. They weren't saying what I thought they should be saying, too often going for the same old "Gotcha!" clip or quote. It's funny...now I can't even watch any of the programs. But that gave a lot more time for reading.

  • BlueRootsRadio

    The thing that really gets to me is the "BREAKING STORY" you hear no other place but here,...........but not for 3 or 4 days. How can that be a breaking story? It's worse than the X-Files like music they put behind some of the stories. While it's OK for a documentary, it makes a news story feel like propaganda to me.

  • http://ramonasvoices.blogspot.com/ Ramona

    Funny! And so true! I used to be an MSNBC junkie but I find myself moving away from it more and more. Even Rachel is getting a little tiresome. I think I've watched it too much--I know their schticks by heart. I do like Steve Kornacki, but I can't forgive MSNBC for firing Martin Bashir. That's when my long affair with them ended;

    I can't watch Rev. Al--or I should say i can't LISTEN TO HIM!! (He shouts. Drives me insane.) Chris Matthews invites people on and then talks over them. If it were a once in a while thing I could get over it, but it's been going on for years now. I honestly don't know why anyone wastes time by going on his show. They're just foils for whatever rant he's on that night.

    Tonight he said "Diane Feinstein is a Liberal, but she's very grown up, very professional." I'm not kidding.

    He has a crush on Ronald Reagan, mainly because his old boss, Tip O'Neill, liked him but he hates all the current Republicans who use Reagan as their mentor-in-chief.

    And last and least--and this is mean, I know. . . All of the young women talk in high registers and through their noses. I think "Valley Girls" and can't get beyond it. That's all.

  • paullwolborsky

    Laffy, have I recently told you what an awesome job you're doing with The Political Carnival and that you're a Natural Gas! More after this brief message from our sponsor Exxon-Mobil ;D

  • Frances R

    I sure did, Memo!

  • Frances R

    -*they oopsie lala. ;-)

  • http://thepoliticalcarnival.net/ GottaLaff

    Threemo said hosties! Yeah, I miss Bashir.

  • Frances R

    Couldn't agree more! You hit the nail on the hosties heads! I don't watch as much anymore since the shit-canned Martin Bashir. I watch Aljazeera America or tweet or sleep...

  • http://thepoliticalcarnival.net/ GottaLaff

    Oops, where did I mislabel?

  • David Kelley

    Laffy: I agree with you, but I do believe you mislabeled a couple host/others. Luke Russert is the totally unqualified reporter who got a network gig because his dad was treated like a god at NBC even though he acted as a mouthpiece for the Republican establishment and made certain he checked with Jack Welch before he opened his mouth.
    Watch five minutes of Ronan Farrow and he comes across as that pretentious little prick in junior high school who never outgrew it.
    Additionally, somewhere you should mention that everyone at MSNBC should remember what happened to Phil Donahue, their highest rated host of the 1990s.

  • Squatlo

    You just summed up why I can barely stand to tune in for an evening's programming on MSNBC! And I love them, compared to any other cable news network! It's a self-congratulatory orgy of "You're so right!" and "Exactly!" back and forths, with very little in the way of dissenting opinion. Fundies never venture onto the network because they know they'll not get away with their Faux Noise Channel bullshit, and progressives flock to the camera the same way John McCain and Lindsey Graham find Sunday network talk shows.
    If not for Rachel Maddow, I'd leave them as fast as any other banal time suck. Still, given the competition, where are you going to go?