Archive for what a joke

Reince Priebus sums up what is wrong with the GOP in one sentence: “It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it.”

reinvention my ass

It’s been some twenty-four hours!

First we had comedian and performance artist WI Gov. Scott Walker saying that Republicans are “the ones who care for the everyday people.”

Now, at the Patriot Center in Rothschild for the state party’s annual convention, we have RNC Chair Reince Priebus insisting:

“It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it.”

While Walker is in a state of denial, Priebus is in a state of delusion. Okay, they’re both delusional, that much nobody can deny.

Per the Green Bay Press Gazette, Reince has confirmed that the Party of Reinvention is really the Party of Hype. Of Marketing. Of B.S.

Mostly of B.S.

Priebus is actually saying, out loud and in public, that it’s not the substance, it’s not the failed policies, it’s not the divisiveness, it’s not the bigotry, it’s not the racism, it’s not the obstruction, it’s not the disregard for people who look or act differently from you… no, it’s the way you disguise those Neanderthal positions in order to pull one over on voters just long enough to win a few elections.

Wow.

So as they claim to be “reaching out” to minorities, especially Latinos and younger voters, they’ll mute those slurs (“illegals” and “wetbacks” to name a couple) but continue to reject marriage equality, civil rights, women’s rights, reproductive rights, equal rights, and acceptance of anyone who doesn’t fit their corporate, conservative mold. They’ll still push for privatizing the entire damned country, make it tougher to get an education, and deny access to health care and other assistance to those in need:

Republican leaders told Wisconsinites on Saturday that while they’re working to reshape the party’s image, they will stay true to conservative values such as slashing tax rates and keeping government small. [...]

Priebus told reporters Saturday the Republican National Committee is training its politicians to use a softer tone when addressing constituents and steer away from saying “biologically stupid things.” He also revealed that the RNC is employing hundreds of Republican workers in a multibillion-dollar operation in neighborhoods across the country to begin courting voters for the next national election.

It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it,” Priebus said… “Our principles aren’t rusty ideas in some old book; they’re fresh, revolutionary ideas.

Well, actually yes, your principles are very rusty, decrepit in fact. And if you believe that denying basic rights and services to so many while embracing only “certain” Americans is acceptable, then that’s neither “fresh” nor “revolutionary.” To the contrary, that’s self-serving and vile.

The GOP also thinks that using Twitter more effectively to put out their hypocritical message will make a difference. If their message is anything like what has just been described, it will, indeed, make a difference: They’ll fail harder.

Laugh line o’ the day– WI Gov. Scott Walker: Republicans are “the ones who care for the everyday people”

laughing ha ha

Hey, did you guys hear the one about Republicans reinventing themselves? Oh em gee, it’s hilarious. They actually think they’re pulling a fast one on Americans by claiming to reach out to voters who flat out rejected them in 2012. The punch line is, they think saying they’re doing that is the same as– wait for it– actually doing it!

now that's funny laugh

Clearly, they’ve been failing miserably at this sham of a “makeover.” Just follow that link above to see the myriad ways they’ve made fools of themselves. It’s as funny as it is pathetic.

It just got even funnier.

WisPolitics has this Moment of Levity from Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker from his speech to the 2013 state GOP convention:

We’re the ones who care for the everyday people of this state and this country, and it’s about time we stood up and told people about it.” [...]

Walker said that principle was at the heart of his decision to push for more educational opportunities, be it in traditional public schools or charter schools, and to turn down federal money to expand the Medicaid program. [...]

Walker mocked claims from critics that the change was a sign he hates poor people.

walker world

Oh me oh my, where to begin?

  • “We’re the ones who care for the everyday people of this state and this country.” That must be why you were nearly kicked out of office. And why your “screw the 47%” presidential candidate lost in a landslide.
  • Turn down federal money to expand the Medicaid program.” Nothing says “caring for everyday people” like taking away their lifeline.
  • Walker mocked claims from critics that the change was a sign he hates poor people.” Did it ever occur to him that they say that because he hates poor people? See: “Turn down federal money to expand Medicaid.”

On second thought, this wasn’t very funny after all. More like infuriatingly, hypocritically tone deaf.

outreach my ass reach out inclusive

The NRA feels threatened by ‘N Sync, Mel Brooks, Moon Unit Zappa, Geraldo, and a bunch of deceased actors

enemies list via bus-plunge.blogspot.com

Via bus-plunge.blogspot.com

 

Ooooo, the NRA has an enemies list. Are you a-skeered yet? I wasn’t included, but if one day I end up on their Liberals Are Icky List, and if they ever come within ten feet of me, I’m gonna fight them off with my unAmerican bubble blowers and sticks and words. Sweartogod.

They did include AARP. And the Gray Panthers. And National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and National Black Nurses Association. Because they’re evil. They’re what one might even call “pro-life.” Go figure.

Think Progress counted, and they are reporting that there are 506 names on the NRA list. Which of course means that there are at least 506 sane people and/or groups.

Apparently, the Big Gunners feel unusually threatened by:

“Boys II Men – Pop Group” — Yeah, they’re a real threat. And it’s “Boyz,” geniuses.

86-year-old “Mel Brooks – Actor/Director”

“Jill Clayburgh – Actress” who died in 2010

Other deceased actors

The highly intimidating “Art Garfunkel – Singer”

Fox’s “Geraldo – TV personality” — Who? Oh, him. The guy who is “truly contemplating” a run for U.S. Senate. Why, whatever will ClusterFox say!

Soap opera queen “Deidra Hall – Actress” (which they also spelled wrong; it’s Deidre)

“Mary Tyler Moore – Actress” — What, they take issue with her trademark “Ooooohhhh, NRA!”

“Dick Van Dyke – Actor”– Well, at least he and Mary are in sync. Speaking of whom…

“N Sync – Music group” — No, NRA, that would be “defunct music group.” And it’s ‘N, not N, Einsteins.

“Moon Zappa -Actress” –  Omigod, NRA, her name is, like, “Moon Unit”! Barf me out! You guys are soooo, like, totally grody to the max! Gag me with a spoon.

There are so many more Point-and-Laugh Moments here. Enjoy!

laughing cat animated gif

Comedy headline o’ the day: Ryan vouches for Romney’s character in speech to conservatives

So did you hear the joke about vouching for Willard Romney’s character? By a guy with no character? It’s hilarious. A real knee-slapper. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before:

Washington (CNN) – Beneath his stiff and sometimes impersonable exterior, Mitt Romney has a heart of gold. [...]

“I’m not the only one who has told Mitt that maybe he needs to talk more about himself and his life,” Ryan said, acknowledging a recurring complaint among Republicans that Romney does a poor job of highlighting his personal side. “It wouldn’t hurt if voters knew more of those little things that reveal a man’s heart and his character…. He’s a modest man with a charitable heart, a doer and a promise-keeper.”

Oh man, I’m doubled over… whew! Let me stop to catch my breath. Wow.

Hey Mr. Stand-up Comedian, did your running mate have a heart of gold when he:

  • failed to empathize with the poor, the elderly and the disabled who can’t afford proper medical care, a home of their own, or a quality education?
  • failed to empathize with ailing dogs stuck in cages tied to the roof of his car?
  • failed to empathize with women who have been raped, “legitimately” or otherwise, and choose not to have their rapist’s baby? Or does his heart of gold empathize more with Todd Akin and your comedian self?
  • failed to empathize with women who are forced to have vaginal probes inserted inside of them because your fellow Republicans insist that their government knows more about their bodies and choices than the women and their own doctors do?

As for being a “promise-keeper”, that’s the biggest joke of all. The only promise Romney has kept is this:

VIDEO: Professor Gingrich was “often absent” and “spent little time teaching history.”

This is a must-watch video.

Taegan has a link to the Wall Street Journal story about Newton Leroy Gingrich’s stint at University of West Georgia, way back when he supposedly taught history:

“In addition to seeking the college presidency, Mr. Gingrich was often absent as he pursued political goals. He embarked on an effort to moonlight as a paid consultant. And, it turns out, he spent little time teaching history.”

He’s never had another professorship, and he hardly spent any time actually, you know, teaching. “He was always too big for his britches…. He’s all over the place… disorganized…”

Some historian. Some professor. Some candidate.

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Newt Gingrich makes new pledges about his own fidelity. And we should believe him… why?

First, this has to be asked: Why would anyone anywhere take any pledge by Newt Gingrich seriously? He couldn’t even keep his own marriage vows, nor could he follow the rules of the U.S. House of Representatives.

Now for his latest lies political b.s. promises: He’s signing a pledge that we’re supposed to buy into, swearingtogod that he hates marriage equality and women’s reproductive rights, but loves his own wife and only his own wife, and will never ever ever, EVER cheat again, ever in the history of ever.

Yeah, and I have some Sarah Palin books to sell you…

For some background on the pledge, there are links in this post. THE FAMiLY LEADER (per Think Progress, the lowercase “i” is meant to represent individual submission) provided a pledge for candidates to sign called “The Marriage Vow – A Declaration of Dependence upon Marriage and Family”.

It is a pro-forced-birth, anti-marriage equality, hell-no-to-divorce and porn, anti-Sharia, anti-you-name-it contract, brought to you by Bob Vander Plaats, Iowa social conservative extraordinaire. Here’s an excerpt:

Humane protection of women and the innocent fruit of conjugal intimacy – our next generation of American children – from human trafficking, sexual slavery, seduction into promiscuity, and all forms of pornography and prostitution, infanticide, abortion and other types of coercion or stolen innocence.

You get the idea.

Here’s more on Newton Leroy’s pledge-aroony from Think Progress:

Newt Gingrich has issued a statement affirming the Leader’s pledge to oppose marriage equality for gays and lesbians, deny women access to abortion, and reduce the debt. Read his full response here and the marriage excerpt below:

Defending Marriage. As President, I will vigorously enforce the Defense of Marriage Act, which was enacted under my leadership as Speaker of the House, and ensure compliance with its provisions, especially in the military. I will also aggressively defend the constitutionality of DOMA in federal and state courts. I will support sending a federal constitutional amendment defining marriage as the union of one man and one woman to the states for ratification. I will also oppose any judicial, bureaucratic, or legislative effort to define marriage in any manner other than as between one man and one woman. I will support all efforts to reform promptly any uneconomic or anti-marriage aspects of welfare and tax policy. I also pledge to uphold the institution of marriage through personal fidelity to my spouse and respect for the marital bonds of others.

Newton Leroy Gingrich: Hypocridiot-O’-The-Day.

VIDEO ADDED: Donald Trump to moderate a Republican debate. No, I’m not kidding.

ADDED:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

That anyone would take Donald Trump seriously about anything is already a concept that is hard to fathom. That the Republican party would elevate him to moderator status for one of their 5705789 presidential debates is downright hilarious… or abysmally pathetic… or both.

Desperate for attention much?

What next, Michele Bachmann as moderator, asking herself softball questions? She’d still get them wrong*. Moderator Grover Norquist running the show in order to push his tax cut policy in the form of a question? Rush Limbaugh at the mic asking the candidates about their positions on health care as he pops a few Oxycontins? Herman Cain’s wife assuming the role of moderator in order to publicly grill and humiliate her wayward soon-to-be ex-husband? Of course, by the time this debate rolls around, Hermie’s candidacy will be nothing but a rancid-pizza-scented memory.

Via the New York Times’ The Caucus:

It’s officially a reality television Republican primary now.

Donald Trump is pairing up with Newsmax, the conservative magazine and news Web site, to moderate a presidential debate in Des Moines on Dec. 27. [...]

Mr. Trump’s role in the debate, which will be broadcast on the cable network Ion Television, is sure to be one of the more memorable moments in a primary season that has already delivered its fair share of circus-like spectacle.

I’m hearing Trump’s hair will demand its own seat. In fact, who knows, Donald the Wonder Mouth could very well hold a simultaneous book signing since he’ll already have a table, a captive audience, cameras, and all the publicity he could dream of.

And speaking of publicity, that is the only justification for any of these candidates to show up, despite any misgivings they might have about appearing with someone like Trump under these circumstances.

And speaking of justification, by giving Trump this much credibility (or any) the GOP clowns running for president would, once again, be validating this post.

UPDATE, via TPM Livewire:

The Huntsman campaign: “We have declined to participate in the ‘Presidential Apprentice’ Debate with The Donald. The Republican Party deserves a serious discussion of the issues so voters can choose a leader they trust to defeat President Obama and turn our economy around.”

*With thanks to @ahuntre.