Sometimes I get so frustrated and/or disheartened and/or annoyed by some of the news stories of the day that I can’t bring myself to write about them. Here are a few recent reports that made my blood pressure hit the roof. I am avoiding delving into them at length out of concern for my physical and mental health.

• Just Four Lawmakers Show Up To Congressional Hearing On Long-Term Unemployment– “All four of the panelists invited to speak were white men, the least likely to be affected by the long-term unemployment crisis.” White as white can be! Hey, who remembers The Boehner asking, “Where are the jobs?” Hands?

• After Boston, Rubio Entertains The Idea Of Not Granting Visas To Muslim Students– Psst! Marco! The Tsarnaev brothers didn’t come here on student visas. Islamophobic much?

• Automatic Budget Cuts Could Undermine Effort To Trace Guns Used By Suspected Boston Bombers– ATF, SchmaSchmeeSchmeff. What matters are our SECOND AMENDMENT RIGHTS!

• Dartmouth College Cancels Classes After Sexual Assault Protesters Receive Rape Threats– In college, one learns to post anonymous messages with bigger words. Like “shotgun.”

• New Bird Flu Strain Is ‘One Of The Most Lethal’ Viruses Of Its Kind, Global Health Experts Warn– Oh goody, something else to send me into the hypochondriacal abyss. Because, you know, pervasive Big Pharma ads on cable just aren’t enough.

• Conservative Group Photoshops Out Minorities In Mailer Opposing Pro-Voting Legislation– “A group connected to Colorado’s Secretary of State has been sending political mailers — including a picture of a darker-skinned woman whose face was digitally removed and replaced with a white woman’s face — in an attempt to oppose a landmark voting bill that may soon become law.” Can’t win elections? Cheat!

• Mark Sanford Debates Fake Pelosi– If Mark Sanford weren’t fake, he could debate real live people!

• Sanford Changes Story on Trespassing Charge– See above, only insert “he could tell the truth!

• 15 States Have Loosened Gun Restrictions– Because providing gun manufacturers with more cash, coveting phallic symbols, pretending you can outgun murderers under stress, and endangering more lives is a priority. USA! USA!

• Christie Headed for a Landslide– Dear New Jersey Dems: For the last time, he’s a conservative!

See what I mean? So who’s up for a couple of Margs or a trough of wine?