Archive for uh oh

"Turns out, Al Gore was right. Next we’ll discover he really did invent the internet."

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al-gore-climate-changeal gore climate change hot in here

Another snark-filled guest post by the one, the only Will Durst who's having a little fun with the unnerving prospect of living, and dying, with spot-on predictions about climate change by none other than Al Gore:

TINA TURNER, MAD MAX, AL GORE AND YOU

According to a new UN report, there’s good news and bad news about global warming. The good news is- it’s worse than we thought. Yeah. That’s the good news. The bad news- you don’t want to know. Because then there’s worse news and ultimately, “holy moley, is that an asteroid the size of a mini- mall crushing my house” news.

The same kind of news a doctor offers up after inviting you into his office, closing the door and advising you to sit down. Or your lawyer recommending a friend who “specializes in this sort of thing, but I warn you, he’s not cheap.” A mechanic walking slowly from your car, wiping his hands on a rag, sadly shaking his head. Or when a spouse’s packed bags are stacked near the front door and a voice from the kitchen intones: “We need to talk.”

After delivering their communiqué describing how not only has global warming already arrived, but it’s unpacked, made friends with the dog, is sleeping on the couch and drinking daddy’s bourbon that he thinks nobody knows is behind the Wheat Thins; the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change threw up its hands and ran screaming from the room. The unreported nature of these actions can be chalked up to being considered normal activity at the UN.

Remember about 10 years ago, when the IPCC told the world that something had to be done soon or all hell was going to break loose? Well, guess what? Nothing was done and all hell has broken loose. You can actually see chunks of it littering the outskirts of Phoenix. With Lucifer himself haunting the halls of the Arizona State Capitol.

The gist of the statement is instead of wasting time on political gridlock strangling all efforts to diminish global warming, we need to learn to live with it. Seriously. That’s what they said. Their recommended strategy has evolved from halting climate change to surviving it. From mitigation to adaption. No more trying to keep gas out of the basement, now we concentrate on not lighting any matches. Turns out, Al Gore was right. Next we’ll discover he really did invent the internet.

Time to wave bye- bye to certain South Sea Islanders, unless they begin building a big bunch of boats real soon. Europe will need to increase flood insurance coverage exponentially. Sales of air conditioners in the US are destined to skyrocket like condom sales in a bus station brothel, and Australia might just want to pack up and move. Now.

Its not just increased temperatures and rising sea levels and more severe weather and ocean acidification and species extinctions and multi- ecosystem collapse and slathering on sunblock 8000 and polar bears wandering Winnipeg; they’re also predicting violent conflicts over dwindling food supplies and fresh water. Like the beer cooler at a 7- 11 on Bourbon St. the Saturday before Mardi Gras.

So for all you survivalists who have always imagined living like a post- civilization Mad Max fighting feral dogs for scraps while fending off leather- clad, Mohawk- sporting punks, your dreams may have finally come true. Hey, this could be fun. Especially if you’re Tina Turner. And secretly, who here among us, isn’t?

Will Durst is an award- winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com to find about more about his new CD, “Elect to Laugh,” a calendar guide to personal appearances and info about the documentary film “3 Still Standing” in which he's one of the standing 3. Still.

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President Obama's aides worry he may not get enough debate prep

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Two things came to mind as I read the L.A. Times article quoted at the end of this post about President Obama and Willard M. Romney preparing for the upcoming presidential debates, the first taking place on October 3rd in Denver.

One is how Romney's surrogates have absurdly called out Obama for taking time away from his presidential duties for debate prep. What? Practice? Nobody should do that! Why, getting ready for a hugely significant event that could impact the election outcome is crazy! Crazy, they tells ya! In fact, Reince Priebus said something to that effect on “This Week” with George Stephanopoulos here.

But oops, hypocrisy, thy name is Team Willard:

As Democrats wind down their national convention, Mitt Romney is wrapping up several days of intense debate prep at a home in the rural woods of Vermont.

Since Tuesday, Romney and several of his senior aides have been holed up at a vacation home owned by Kerry Healey, who was Romney’s lieutenant governor in Massachusetts. All week, Romney has been doing mock debates with Ohio Sen. Rob Portman, who played Barack Obama for John McCain’s debate prep in 2008 and is doing the same for Romney this time around.

It’s a change of pace for the Republican presidential candidate who has made no secret of his distaste for debate preparations.

So there's that.

The second thing I noticed were the comments and tweets I've seen all over the Internets and on Twitter crawls on political Tee Vee talk shows predicting that the president will wipe the floor with Romney, and how Romney is "toast", "stick a fork in him." Not so fast.

First, he's had a whole lot of recent practice with the 29371562 GOP primary debates that preceded his official nomination. Second, he's not as bad at debating as he's being made out to be by overconfident Democrats. Lowered expectations made GW Bush look like a debate "winner" for simply not drooling on his own shoes. And third, this:

President Obama has blocked out three days to prepare for the October debates, but with the constant pressures that come with one of the world's most important jobs, aides worry he may not get enough practice at the podium. [...]

Obama has already canceled some debate preparation because of events in the Middle East, said Jen Psaki, his campaign press secretary.

"He has had to balance the management of world events, governing, time out campaigning," she said. "He'll have less time than we anticipated to sharpen and cut down his tendency to give long, substantive answers."

That's the polite way to say the former University of Chicago law professor and U.S. senator can be wordy, a concern among his aides, who believe Republican Mitt Romney will be a serious debate adversary. [...] Romney has worked on his strategy for weeks [...]

Obama's political advisors don't seem to be faking their angst about his schedule.

So, while it's great to be optimistic, it may not be wise to write off the head-to-head battles just yet. Expect the unexpected, but hope for the best.

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Quickie: Lawmakers are secretly working on grand-bargain deficit deal

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Today's Quickie:

Via The Hill:

A small, bipartisan group of lawmakers in both the House and Senate are secretly drafting deficit grand bargain legislation that cuts entitlements and raises new revenue.

Sources said that the task of actually writing the bills is well underway, but core participants in the regular meetings do not yet know when the bills can be unveiled. [...]

The talks are so sensitive that some members involved do not yet want to be identified.

And by "do not yet want to be identified" they mean they're ducking and covering.

Let's hope by "cuts entitlements" they mean only fraud and waste, and by "raises new revenue" they mean hitting up the top 1%ers.

That was today's Quickie. Will you still respect me in the morning?

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Federal report: Steep rise in greenhouse gases

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The very shortsighted, very backward, very obstructionist GOP wants to eliminate the EPA, Rick Perry is struggling to remember the words "the Department of Energy", and it's all we could do to convince the State Department and President Obama that the tar sands pipeline would be "game over" for our planet, and now a new report comes out that should make them, and us, all queasy.

Via the L.A. Times:

Greenhouse gases are building at a steep rate in the atmosphere, the nation's top climate agency reported, renewing concern that global warming may be accelerating.

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's Annual Greenhouse Gas Index, which indexes the key gases known to trap heat in the Earth's atmosphere, rose 1.5% from 2009 to 2010, the agency reported.

The reported rise comes on top of an analysis by the Energy Department last week saying that global emissions of carbon dioxide, a key, long-lived greenhouse gas, had jumped by the biggest increment on record in 2010. The figures showed a 6% increase from the year before, a steeper rise than worst-case scenarios that had been laid out by climate experts four years before. [...] Carbon dioxide is the biggest contributor, the longest-lived and most abundant of the gases.

So remember, when you're out and about, don't breathe.

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