Archive for twatwaffley loser

"Tea Party: Only people who believe exactly what we believe deserve to be called real Americans"


tea party all alone

Today’s guest post by the one, the only, Will Durst:


Now we bore deep into the bunker that houses triumphant Tea Party headquarters where they are celebrating a tactical victory over the forces of complacency and complaining loudly about all the chicken-hearted Republicans In Name Only who bowed to the will of our Socialist President, and voted to reopen the government and avoid a global financial meltdown.

“Wussies. Those RINOs don’t represent real Americans. You know who they represent: AINOs. Americans In Name Only. Because only people who believe exactly what we believe deserve to be called real Americans. AINOs should be counted as 3/5ths of an American. We and only we are listening to the real heartbeat of this country. Nobody else has the same filter. Which is made out of tinfoil.

The media keeps asking, ‘how does it feel to lose?’ But we didn’t lose. We won. We won by losing. All part of the plan. Because only in losing do real winners hone their skills at winning whereas real losers just feel normal. Winners never quit. And quitters never win. And winning quitters are like quitting winners: just more banana slugs on the Great Salt Flat with a blown head gasket.

You know who lost? The so- called leaders of this party lost. The ones who flopped faster than a French Soccer Team that had been surgically deboned. Who abandoned the good fight in the name of expediency. Who slept with the enemy and will have their heads shaved and be thrown into the street someday. Because there is no negotiating when you’re dealing with the terrorists calling themselves the Democratic Party.

Oh, don’t get us wrong, we are all in favor of compromise. As long as it’s the other side doing it. We have no intention of compromising because that would be abandoning our principles. They don’t have principles so it’s shouldn’t be a problem.

Have we learned our lesson? Yes, we have. We have learned we must fight harder. And never give in. Because repeatedly banging our heads against the wall makes it feel so good when we stop. So we must learn not to stop.

We do not fight because we think we can win. We do not fight because of ideology. We fight because… we like to fight. As do our constituents. You should see our town hall meetings. They look like a trauma center emergency room on a Saturday night after a pool hall happy hour featuring $2 shots of Jagermeister.

Now? We’re going to purge this party of poseurs and run with folks interested in representing the real America. You know, people exactly like us. You may accuse us of perfecting the circular firing squad. But the circular firing squad turns out to be very useful in eliminating marginal colleagues equipped with insufficient aim.

And yes, ‘this is going to happen again!’ It’s going to happen every single time purity comes face to face with evil. And the evil shall be primaried. And anybody who shakes hands with John Boehner or has been photographed hugging John McCain is fair game.

We have even perfected a test to determine whether you are conservative enough to be an actual Republican. We hold you under water for four minutes and if you don’t die, you are a RINO. Primitive and messy perhaps, but fits us to a Tea.”

Will Durst’s new one- man show “BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG” in its final extension: through Dec 17 every Tuesday at the Marsh. San Francisco.

Billionaire GOP donor Sheldon Adelson's motto: If at first you don't succeed, buy, buy again.


Sheldon Adelson, whose donations to help Newt Gingrich win the GOP primary went toward the 28-minute documentary film, “King of Bain: When Mitt Romney Came to Town,” also did a 180 and spent a whopping $150 million to help Willard M. Romney defeat President Obama. How astute.

That all worked out well for him, didn't it? At least America can be proud that money didn't buy the presidential election... this time.

So what's a loser to do? Well, according to this Wall Street Journal report, spend even more the next time around. If at first you don't succeed, buy, buy again:

"I happen to be in a unique business where winning and losing is the basis of the entire business," said Mr. Adelson, who directly backed one winning and eight losing candidates in the November election, including Mitt Romney. "So I don't cry when I lose. There's always a new hand coming up." [...]

Mr. Adelson's 2012 donations were double what he spent in 2008, and looking ahead, he said, he was ready to again "double" his donations.

"I'll spend that much and more," he said in his first extensive postelection interview. "Let's cut any ambiguity."

Forbes magazine estimates Mr. Adelson's net worth at $21.5 billion.

Citizens United, how can Sheldon ever thank you?


VIDEO: Linda McMahon campaign worker received check and "you're screwed" condom; then his check bounced.


Campaign worker receives check and condom, check bounces

Linda McMahon campaign worker:

"Basically he handed me a check with a condom in it, told me I was screwed. That's the rudest gesture you can ever do to a person, it's like spitting in a person's face."

Linda must be broke after spending all those millions on her failed campaigns. Yeah, that must be it. That or she's a lower-life than many of us thought she was:

NEW HAVEN, Conn. (WTNH) -- Two days after the election campaign workers came to News 8 claiming, they had not been paid by Linda McMahon's campaign. [...]

Twaine Don Gomes was one of the people who first complained to News 8. He was handed a check, but he says, the campaign told him they were mad that he came to News 8, so he got a little something extra in his envelope.

His little bonus was a "you're screwed" condom. How's that for parting gifts? And to add insult to injury, his check bounced.

At least the condom will help augment the biggest one-year drop in abortions in a decade.

File under "unintended consequences."


Rove's brain: Howard Dean


Well, well, lookee who was on Sean Hannity's radio show talking about stealing Howard Dean's Fifty State Strategy. Rove's awfully good at things like theft, so openly discussing it came quite easily to him:

"I hate to say it, but we need to copy what Howard Dean did, And that is make our ground game in all 50 states... We need to have a better ground game in all 50 states..."

TPM has more here.

Hey, a sleazebag can dream, can't he?