Archive for there are no jokes

Rand Paul, what if a Dem joked about trading YOU "instead of 5 Taliban"? Hmm?


not funny hahaha no

This tweet is already a couple of days old, but calling out Rand Paul for his tone deaf idiocy never gets old:

rand paul tweet Bergdahl trade Dems

He got a lot of Twitter backlash, but check out the very first reply he received:

"Isn't that redundant? and how would you tell the difference?"

Two class acts.

What patriots.

What jokesters.

What the f***.

The real joke is Rand Paul, a very, very bad one.

So let's get this straight. According to Paul and his fanboy @varifrank, the words Democrats and Taliban are interchangeable and/or President Obama should have handed over Dems to the Taliban. To be imprisoned. And tortured. And possibly killed. Isn't that a knee-slapper? Are we laughing yet?

No. We are not.

Some "jokes" are not funny, Rand Paul. And that you would make light of a very serious situation, that you would imply that Democrats' lives are worthless, that you would equate them with deadly enemies is pretty appalling.

He's your guy, GOP. This is the lowlife many in your party would like to see as commander in chief, residing in the White House, attending state dinners, handling delicate negotiations with other world leaders, and as the president who is responsible for the health and welfare of all Americans.

Go ahead, Republicans. Make Rand Paul your nominee. We dare you.


Fla. Gov. Rick Scott campaign staff made racist jokes (allegedly)


rick scott 2

outreach my ass reach out inclusive

Psst! Rick Scott! Outreach means exactly that: reaching out. Outreach is also what the Republican Autopsy called for. Yes, they referred to their own post-2012 election report as an autopsy, because... suicide. They admitted that they needed "to do things differently."

The GOP not only needs a reinvention, they need an intervention.

Via Think Progress:

On late Thursday, billionaire Mike Fernandez abruptly resigned his post as the finance co-chair of Governor Rick Scott’s (R-FL) reelection campaign. The prominent Cuban-American health care mogul’s departure has fueled rumors of racism among Scott’s campaign staff.

Tensions between Scott’s campaign staff and Fernandez had been building for weeks. And the last straw, according to people within the campaign who spoke with the Miami Herald this weekend, was an incident in which several of Scott’s campaign staffers allegedly began joking around in a cartoonish, over-the-top Mexican accent while on the way to a Mexican restaurant.

They just can't help themselves.

Think Progress has more.


VIDEO- The Big Rafael "Ted" Cruz "meh" on Dick Cheney shooting his friend: "Look, it happens."


ted cruz steve king hunting

Ironically, Dick Cheney recently claimed Sen. Mike Enzi lied. Pot, kettle...

Even more ironically, Dick Cheney had a "major" gun malfunction during a charity hunting contest.

And who can forget that time back in 2006 when he shot his 78-year-old hunting pal, Harry Whittington, in the face?

Now even more ironically, Rafael "Ted" Cruz went hunting with his own little friend, Rep. Steve King, and made a few tasteless comments about the Cheney incident that he apparently thought were real knee-slappers. Yes, Raffy Cruz thinks Raffy Cruz is funny.


"Yeah, look, it happens."

Of course, King, not to be outclasslessed, said:

It "doesn't bother me a bit. The way I understood it, he was standing in the wrong place."

Can't get more compassionate than that, can you? Maybe Whittington should invite them on a hunting trip to express his gratitude.

Ted Cruz hunting AP Photo- Nati HarnikAP Photo/Nati Harnik

Now take a look at Raffy's stand-up routine. He strutted his tasteless stuff during a keynote address at a Defenders of Freedom event in Le Mars, Iowa. Don't forget to tip your server.

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"In the two weeks that followed [the Cheney shooting incident], there were over 200 calls to Texas Parks and Wildlife asking, how much for a license to shoot a Republican lawyer."



VIDEO: CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference) audience laughs, applauds Obama "is on his way to hell" crack


not funny Via

Leave it to the National Rifle Association President David Keene to inspire an outburst suggesting that President Obama is "on his way" to hell. And leave it to a conservative conference to laugh and clap at such a crack:

Keene, speaking at a regional Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) outside of St. Louis, Missouri:

If we remember what it is we’re about, and what it is we want to accomplish, and if we organize around those principles and stand for them, people will stand with us. They will make those calls. They will pound the pavement. They will demand of those who they elect to public office and whose salaries they pay through their taxes that they represent them, and not some mayor from New York, or some president from Chicago who’s on his way to Lord knows where when he leaves office.

Audience member:

Hell! [audience laughter]

Not a word from Mr. NRA admonishing such a hostile and tasteless response from the (likely) "Christian" audience member.

H/t: Think Progress


John McCain's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Joke


John McCain

Remember when John McCain thought this was funny?

It wasn't. It wasn't funny.

Again-- and I say this as someone who has performed and taught comedy for years-- if your audience isn't laughing, it's not funny. If you have to explain yourself, it's not funny.

What's that old saying? If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck. Or a tasteless joke.

But that doesn't stop Cranky McLowbrow.

Via First Read:

Always one to speak -- or Tweet -- his mind, Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) Monday made a joke comparing Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to a monkey, something one Republican congressman charged was “racist.”

I retort, you deride:

tweet mccain iran racist joke monkeyLink

What a knee-slapper, huh? He sure knows how to turn a phrase. And Senator Undiplomatic had the nerve to rip into Chuck Hagel? Then again, war-monger McCain would do just about anything to provoke Iran.

When people responded with disgust, here was his thoughtful, sensitive reply:

tweet mccain iran racist joke monkey 2Link

Which brought this accusation of racism from Michigan congressman Rep. Justin Amash:

tweet mccain iran racist joke monkey 3Link

His feeble attempts at humor are already pretty wizened, Rep. Amash.


VIDEO-- Tommy Thompson's son at WI GOP event: "We have the opportunity to send Obama back to Chicago-- or Kenya."


UPDATE via Andrew:

The Thompson campaign emails: “The Governor has addressed this with his son, just like any father would do. Jason Thompson said something he should not have, and he apologizes.”

Thanks to our buddy Andrew Kaczynski for catching this.

Jason Thompson, the son of Wisconsin Senate candidate Tommy Thompson at a GOP brunch:

"We have the opportunity to send Obama back to Chicago-- or Kenya." (laughter)

As you can see by the very short video, RNC chair Reince Priebus was a participant. You can also hear a woman at the very end retort with this side-splitting little comeback:

“We are taking donations for that Kenya trip.”

What a knee-slapper. Those Republicans sure have wit. And by wit I mean poor taste, racist tendencies, and underdeveloped IQs.

Gee, I guess Ann Coulter was wrong (stating the obvious):


 "Where are all these racists?"

Um, Ann? See the video above this one for your answer.


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VIDEO: At CPAC, Newt Gingrich jokes about tracking immigrants using FedEx, UPS


Relevant segment at about 6:30:

"There is a world that works. Most of it, but not all of it is in the private sector, and there is a world that fails, most of it, but all of it, is in the public sector. I’ll give you one single example: How many of you have ever gone online to check a package at UPS or FedEx? (most of audience holds up hands)

"I want to drive this home. This is not a theory. It is a practical reality that we have the technology that enables us to track between UPS and FedEx – we track 24 MILLION packages a day, while they are moving, and we allow you to find out where they are for free. That’s the world that works.

"Now here’s the world that fails: the federal government today cannot find 11 MILLION illegal immigrants, even if they are sitting still. [Huge applause - for the first time Newt smiles]. Now I have a simple proposal. We send a package to everyone who is here illegally. When they open it, we pull it up on the computer. We know where they are.

"Let me say for my friends in the news media, that was hyperbole and we don’t need a fact check." [Huge applause and some boos]

Well, now, not so fast, Newton Leroy. CNN:

In a lawsuit filed Wednesday, two Guatemalans allege that Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents were guilty of unreasonable search and seizure, and racial profiling when they arrested Guatemalan nationals picking up a package at a FedEx facility in Florida.

The package contained a passport mailed to one of them by the Guatemalan government in the type of sting Gingrich was jokingly suggesting. [...]

It alleges that when the two 21-year-olds drove to FedEx in January 2010, ICE officials arrested Gonzalez and then went to the car where Vasquez was waiting, held her at gunpoint and separated her from her then 2-year-old son, a U.S. citizen.

Gonzalez was deported; Vasquez, who was reunited with her child a few hours later, is fighting to remain in the United States.

John De Leon, an attorney representing the two Guatemalans:

"There's nothing amusing about the idea of government using corporate efficiency in order to violate people's rights. This is a rank operation against a Latino group of people. These passports were lawful passports. There was nothing illegal about them... Corporations should not become police agents of the government."

Oh, but wait, this isn't the first time Newt's relied on the ol' FedEx "comedy" routine, nosireebob. He thought it was clever 4 years 7 months and 1 week ago. It wasn't then, and it isn't now.

Click on image below to start the video: