Archive for the daily show – Page 2

GOP Men Spill Democracy Seed, Now Hate Their Bastard Child



One of the many excuses the Republicans gave for invading Iraq was that we needed to sew the seeds of Democracy. Yes, really, those are their words-- the seeds of Democracy. Forget 911, Saddam's nuclear threat or his weapons of mass destruction. Revisionism history by the current crop of Republicans declares our reasons/goal for invading Iraq was really Gardening 101 -- planting seeds of Democracy.

Where do these seeds of democracy come from? Burpee? Miracle Grow? Henry Jones or Gurney? C'mon, this is America. You get the seeds of Democracy from the GOP. After all, where else can you find something to germinate that comes in its own fertilizer?

Curiously though, what do you do if when the seeds finally take root, the plant springs up through the sand and you don't like the plant you cultivated? You do what you would with any weed. You look for ways to eliminate it. Forget all the plant food (money) and insecticide you wasted (lives) and just plain take out the weed-whacker (the U.S. military) and mow that sh*t down.

Gardening expert and news/comedy show host Jon 'Mr. Green Jeans' Stewart has the full story for us. After listening to him, we're going to need some of that John McCain/Lindsay Graham fertilizer to bring our new crop of Democracy in Iraq to harvest. But if anything has the magic of Miracle Grow, it's John McCain/Lindsay Graham's 90-10 blend: 90% moronic, 10% nuts. They've joined together (which means Mrs. Green Jeans, Kelly Ayotte has linked with them) and figured out what went wrong. It's that stupid farmer, Barack Obama. His Kenyan green thumb is really brown and he's the problem the Iraq Democracy plant crop has gone bad.

Here's the Daily Show 'How To Grow A Healthy Democracy' segment:


Jon Stewart skewers "Dr." Karl Rove's slimy diagnosis of Hillary Clinton #Brainghazi


brainghazi jon stewart karl rove hillary

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Once again, Jon Stewart kills it on The Daily Show. This time around, he's all over Donald Sterling and Karl Rove the way slime oozes all over Republicans-- like Nebraska U.S. Senate nominee Ben Sasse (R), who will "promote almost anarchistic vision" as Senator: Religion trumps law.

Above is Bill Clinton's reaction. Below is Jon Stewart's inimitable take on The Daily Show:

Jon Stewart:

Apparently Karl Rove unskewed that number [the number of days Hillary Clinton was in the hospital after her fall].

Clearly, he thought CraniumGate was going to be a slam dunk talking point. Turns out, not really.

"I never said 'brain damage'! All I said, I merely noted, in passing, that she was wearing traumatic brain injury eye wear, whaddyacall there, loboto-lenses, whatever! The boop-boop! glasses, you know, whatever you want to call 'em."

Really, Karl, you sure you want to go conspiracy route on this one?

Unanswered questions! An attempted cover-up! My god! It's Brainghazi!!

How many synapses! We need the truth!! Brainghazi!!!!!

Just one quick question before you go there, House MD: When did you start caring so much about the brain fitness of those who have to hold the Oval Office?

I assume it was right after your boss fell and banged his head after losing a battle with the pretzel. Dude blacks out, next thing you know he's starting an unprovoked war in Iraq.

Now he spends his days eating applesauce and painting his feet.

gw bush paintings nudes via Gawker

So, Karl, how do you explain your own cranial issues? Or your former boss's?


karl rove hillary clinton jon stewart brainghazi


Premature speculation: Jon Stewart skewers 2016 election coverage


2016 election speculation Jon Stewart

premature speculation

Last time I looked, the 2016 elections come AFTER the 2014 elections, which seems obvious to those of us who can count. And who own calendars. And who aren't news dee jays. And who don't have zillions of dollars available to influence elections, dollars that they slather all over their favorite candidates and causes. So who better to mock the premature 2016 election speculation glut than-- ta daa!-- Jon Stewart on The Daily Show.

Presenting "Democalypse 2014: 2016 Foreplay Edition," the "prespeculation hypotheticals":

Jon Stewart:

Why speculate about the near future-- when you can speculate about the far future? Coming up: Your ten day forecast!-- For next February...

Clinton v. Bush! Thank god we fought a bloody war against England so that political power would no longer be consolidated in but one family, because in my mind, two just makes sense...

Does this mean [Hillary's] hungry for 2016? ... We don't know. Because we can't know. But still. What?...

I wonder if old Wyatt Oops [Rick Perry] is gonna get back in the saddle?... I know what he's doing!... He's going from the handsome bimbo to the bookworm!

He said that in reference to Perry's "glasses of ensmartenment."

And he didn't forget to skewer the Bushes. NosirreeGeorge.

H/t: The Week

jon stewart Hillary Clinton 2016 election speculation


Cartoon Cliven Bundy: "In MY America, one man's delusion is another man's dream!"


cliven bundy jon stewart

David Horsey nailed it in his Los Angeles Times article and political cartoon, both calling out crackpot racist Cliven Bundy for what he is: delusional:

david horsey clive bundy

Bundy hops on his horse and parades around carrying the flag of the government he says he doesn’t believe in. He boasts that he is just like one of the founding fathers. He apparently has not figured out that most of his countrymen are starting to see him as a deadbeat who, for 20 years, has fed his cattle for free on land that doesn’t belong to him — land that, in law and in fact, belongs to the people of the United States.

In an earlier post, Cliven Bundy said that his 'Negro' remarks were totally not racist.


Our bad.


Here's what he had to say this morning on CNN:

Wow. Really? He's now the Official Martin Luther King historian and spokesperson? About Rosa Parks?

The scary thing is, Cliven Bundy is just the tip of a very ugly, very ugly conservative iceberg. Via the Southern Poverty Law Center:

militia extremist patriot groups chart southern poverty law center

Jon Stewart had a thing or two to say about this "hero on the right" who wanted to "keep his cows on welfare":

Jon Stewart:

"He's also apparently a professor of Negro studies... Duke University....DAVID Duke University."

He's all yours, GOP. You can try to run away from your adulation of this horror story of a being, but all your public smooches were recorded for all to see, documented forever. Good luck with that.