Another guest post by the one, the only Will Durst who's having a little fun with the annual Silly Season O' Awards, aka, the ever popular "Who are you wearing?" Moments of Superficiality. We here in Hollywood-adjacent areas and elsewhere refer to these awards events as "Why do even unemployed celebrities get free swag worth thousands while the rest of us unemployed slobs get eviction notices?"
But I digress. Will Durst offers us a mostly political version as only he can:
2014 POLITICAL ANIMAL AWARDS
For all those who have spent the last couple of months shoveling out a car, you should know we’re at the tail end of awards season. And best be advised to hunker in a bunker wearing a Kevlar overcoat, because gold plated statues are being tossed about like air kisses at a gown fitting. Like clouds of bathroom hair spray during Oscar Nominee Luncheons. Like jaded eyes at a press screening of Transformers 4.
We here at Durstco are not too proud to jump eyes wide shut headfirst onto the shiny awards bandwagon with a great flying leap and sticky squid tentacle sleeves to prevent overshooting. In our dubious presentations, eligible recipients are the phony, pompous and duplicitous. Elected officials predominate but anyone in the news qualifies as a nominee.
Finally, we’d like to thank our friends and family and everybody like us and us. And all you kids out there growing up different, trying to hang onto a dream. Because without dreams, you’re like a Rottweiler without a spleen. So now, running the risk of spraining a wrist patting ourselves on the back, here they are; the 2014 Political Animal Awards.
THE WE’LL CROSS THAT BRIDGE WHEN WE COME TO IT AWARD: Chris Christie.
BEST DISAPPEARING ACT: Mitt Romney.
WORST DISAPPEARING ACT: Bill Clinton.
THE CHRIS CHRISTIE BIG SHOES TO FILL AWARD: Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker.
THE LET’S ALL HOLD HANDS AND SING KUMBAYA AWARD: US President Barack Obama.
THE LET’S NOT ALL HOLD HANDS AND SING KUMBAYA AWARD: Russian President Vladimir Putin.
THE “OH GOD NO, NOT YOU AGAIN” AWARD: Ted Nugent.
THE THINKING THROUGH HIS WRONG BRAIN AWARD: French President Francois Hollande.
THE WHY WON’T ANYONE RETURN MY CALLS AWARD: Michele Bachmann.
THE DUMBER THAN HE LOOKS AWARD: Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.
THE NOT AS DUMB AS HIS HAIR LOOKS AWARD: Donald Trump. Again.
THE GROCERY SHOPPING WITH SALMAN RUSHDIE AWARD: Edward Snowden.
THE IF HE WAS A HORSE, THEY WOULD HAVE SHOT HIM 10 YEARS AGO AWARD: Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid.
BEST MAKE OVER: The Vatican.
THE PIXIE DUST AWARD: a gift from we Baby Boomers to all the Gen Xers who start turning 50 next year.
THE WE ARE THE EVIL EMPIRE AWARD: The US Defense Department for using drone strikes on American citizens.
THE MOST EFFECTIVE SPOKESPERSON EVER FOR FAMILY PLANNING AWARD: Kim Jong Un.
PROOF THAT SOME SPECIES EAT THEIR YOUNG FOR A REASON AWARD: Justin Bieber.
THE MANNEQUINS R’ US LIFELIKE AWARD: Wresting it away from Al Gore, John Kerry.
MENSA’S SMARTEST MAN OF THE YEAR AWARD: Pussy Riot.
THE WON’T EVEN STEP FOOT IN AN OLIVE GARDEN AWARD: Amanda Knox.
BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN TECHNICOLOR: House Majority Leader John Boehner.
THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN AMERICA AWARD: For the 3rd year in a row… Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s doctor.
BEST ACTRESS: Hillary Clinton for her convincing portrayal of a woman unsure of her role in the 2016 Presidential race.
THE HEY GUYS. I’M STILL IN THE ROOM AWARD: Vice President Joe Biden.
THE YOUR FIFTEEN MINUTES WERE UP THIRTY MINUTES AGO AWARD: Anthony Weiner.
THE LEAST LIKELY TO WIN THE NAACP’S WOMAN OF THE YEAR AWARD AWARD: Megyn Kelly.
THE TED CRUZ MAN OF THE YEAR AWARD: Ted Cruz.
Will Durst is an award- winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com to find about more about his new CD, “Elect to Laugh” and calendar of personal appearances.
Rocker Ted Nugent has reportedly apologized for calling President Barack Obama a "subhuman mongrel," according to the Ben Ferguson Show and CNN.
During an interview on the Ben Ferguson Show Friday, Nugent apologized for the comments, which he made in January 2014.
In case you missed Nugent's assessment of the President, here it is, verbatim, via The Wire:
I have obviously failed to galvanize and prod, if not shame enough Americans to be ever vigilant not to let a Chicago communist-raised, communist-educated, communist-nurtured subhuman mongrel like the acorn community organizer gangster Barack Hussein Obama to weasel his way into the top office of authority in the United States of America.
Here's the Facebook announcement about the apology today. From this you'd think Nugent woke up this morning with a whole new attitude. Think again as you read on:
BREAKING NEWS: TED NUGENT JUST SAID HE IS SORRY TO PRESIDENT OBAMA ON THE SHOW!
He just didn't want Abbott to take any blame -- but Nugent still evidently stick by his vile name calling. Again from HUFFPO:
"I do apologize -- not necessarily to the President -- but on behalf of much better men than myself," Nugent said, calling the comments "street fighter terminology."
Just who are those better men he refers to: Texas Gov. Rick Perry (R) and Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas.). And quite surprisingly, both criticized the rocker for his outrageous statement, but then quickly added their support for the Attorney General and his campaign for Governor. What do you think they told their candidate? Why "Rock on," of course.
Ted Nugent's wife was allegedly arrested at a Dallas airport for allegedly bringing an alleged gun into the airport terminal.
The arrest took place at Dallas/Ft. Worth International Airport. It's unclear if Ted was with Shemane at the time of the arrest.
All together now:
Unfortunately I think people are paying more attention to what Ted says these days, so it might be interesting to see what happens next time he shows up in my area to "perform". Interesting indeed. Via.
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