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"Prejudice people are lazy and stupid and smell like ham butts. Without the ham."

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prejudice jon stewart daily show the amazing racism

Another snark-filled guest post by the one, the only Will Durst, who's having a little fun with a not-very-fun topic: prejudice, starring-- who else?-- Cliven Bundy and Donald Sterling. Take it away, Will:

LAZY STUPID HAM BUTTS

Wasn’t what you would call the most favorable week for old white racist men. Then again, these weeks, not many are. How bad did it get for ancient intolerant Caucasian males? Bowling ball dropped on your little toe from a height of nine feet bad. Brazilian soccer stampede bad. Donald Trump testifying at your rent- hearing bad.

First, Cliven Bundy, the Nevada rancher who patriotically refuses to pay grazing rights on government land, tried to stretch his 15 minutes of fame a few microseconds too long, expanding his realm of influence into the field of behavioral sciences by buttonholing a New York Times reporter: “I want to tell you what I know about the Negro.” He proceeded to execute a wonderful performance piece from a 1870s traveling minstrel show. Al Jolson would have been proud.

But, alas, the grizzled xenophobe denied any ironic context and the hemming and hawing that followed would have kept sewing circles in the state of Iowa busy for month. Even his posse of right wing militia supporters disappeared like dew on the sun.

Then, Donald Sterling, owner of the Los Angeles Clippers, was acknowledged to be the voice of an audio recording so racist, it made Mr. Bundy sound like the recipient of an NAACP Lifetime Achievement Award. An award about to be bestowed on the exact same NBA owner of which we speak. For the 2nd time. You can't make stuff up like this.

Since African- Americans make up 76% of professional basketball players, and figure prominently in the marketing and as consumers, you could say the NBA’s brand new commissioner, Adam Silver, (yes, it’s a Sterling- Silver thing) was encouraged to take swift action. You could also say carpet tacks make lousy dessert topping.

He banned the team’s owner from attending any games or entering any Clipper facility or participating in any business decisions of the Clippers or NBA. For life. Hope the guy lives to be 110.

He’s even prohibited from using the word clippers. From now on, the Sterling household will only stock nail- trimmers and beard- scissors in their medicine cabinet. “Remember Shelly, it’s my money holder. Not a clip.” For life.

When will everybody realize this whole black/ white thing is plain ridiculous? Nobody’s white. If we were actually white, we’d scare the bejesus out of each other. People would take to carrying around garlic and crosses and wooden stakes to wave and stab. Even albinos are an off- white. Beige. Tawny. Ecru. Eggshell. Desert Stone. And if you ever run into anybody who’s the same hue as that flesh colored Crayon in the big box of 88, be afraid. Be very afraid.

Conversely, no one’s truly black. If they were really black, they’d be absorbing light and we’d keep bumping into each other. Hell, the NBA Finals would be a blur. “And there’s David Lee and a bunch of other guys. I have no idea what’s going on. It’s up. It’s in. Yes!”

Although some founding fathers found support for their exclusionary views in the Bible, prejudice has always been hard to rationalize. Pre- schoolers know that if you take the time to get to know someone, you’ll discover a thousand reasons to loathe and despise them. On an individual basis. Prejudice people are just plain lazy. And stupid. Lazy and stupid and smell like ham butts. Without the ham.

Will Durst is an award- winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com to find about more about his new CD, “Elect to Laugh,” the one- man show “BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG,” a calendar guide to personal appearances and info about the documentary film “3 Still Standing” benefit to raise post production money at 142 Throckmorton on May 9th.

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Bundy and Sterling, short version: "Everybody knows who I am!"

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bundy and sterling

Cliven Bundy and Donald Sterling seem to have something in common. Well, other than their bigotry and racism. And their ignorance. And their lack of self-awareness. And their arrogance. Bundy and Sterling actually have a lot in common. But per a couple of Los Angeles Times letters to the editor, Bundy and Sterling have the "Lookameeee!" Syndrome in common, too.

Here are the letters, because our voices matter:

Re "Banned for life," April 30

To any regular reader of The Times, none of the Donald Sterling mess should come as a surprise.

After seeing hundreds of his kitschy self-aggrandizing ads for his charity work, it should be clear that Sterling does not need money; he needs attention.

This entire fiasco has given him something worth far more than his $1.9-billion fortune. It has made him a household name, something his money could not buy.

He will not give up easily. He will milk the attention and publicity to the detriment of the Clippers and the city.

One day, he can have this engraved on his tombstone: "Everybody knows who I am!"

Doug Jones

Los Angeles

***

Re "A new Sagebrush Rebellion," Editorial, April 27

Renegade Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy's ceaseless self-promotion has become ever more incredible. He has claimed that federal authorities want to kill him.

Not so. What the government really wants is the money Bundy owes for grazing his cattle on federal land. Next best would be to have him languishing in jail until he pays up.

The last thing the government wants is Bundy dying in an epic gun battle; that would spur his supporters to portray him as a folk-hero martyr.

Far better for Bundy to remain unharmed with his assets tapped to satisfy government liens.

Dennis Alston

Atwater, Calif.

***

Supposedly rational middle-aged men parade around in the self-glorifying garb of elite combat troops and Old West lawmen. They wield assault weapons and mimic military jargon and tactics — as if such a wacky, potentially deadly display might lend credibility to the twisted views of an aging anti-government cattle rancher.

The grotesque affectations of Bundy and his assemblage amount to rank thuggery. These aren't patriots.

History surely will judge Bundy and his militia no less harshly than the Oklahoma City bombers or the Branch Davidians should deadly violence ensue in Nevada.

Christine Hagel

Orcutt

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Bundy militiamen stop drivers at checkpoints, demand proof of residency

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cliven bundy welcome to bunkerville militiamen

There was a good reason that government agents backed off the Cliven Bundy militiamen gun fondlers. They didn't want another Waco on their hands. But they still have wackos on their hands. These extremists are still pushing their intimidation to the limits, seeing just how far they can go.

Residents, normal every day residents, continue to be terrorized by Bundy devotees... allegedly. And now-- surprise!-- the residents want Bundy and his gang to leave Nevada.

The armed militiamen's provocative actions are described in a disturbing report from the Las Vegas Sun about a letter from Rep. Steven Horsford (D-Nev.) to Clark County Sheriff Doug Gillespie. Here is an excerpt:

[M]ilitiamen have a presence on state and local roads as well as federal highways. In some areas... militiamen have set up checkpoints where drivers are stopped and asked to provide a proof of residency.

They’ve been seen carrying high-caliber weapons and keep a round-the-clock security detail on Bundy.

So they're still up to their bullying tricks, but now they're using them on their neighbors. Gee, one might see that as intrusive or infringing on their fellow citizens' freedom. How ironic.

Did I mention that the militiamen's big, brave hero is still a racist? But hey, they're fine with that. They support that. So let us not forget that. Let's not allow their threatening, bullying maneuvers overshadow that very important fact. This is who they are.

So much for the Supreme Court opinion that we are a post-racial nation.

post racial world

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"It's only illegal when 'illegal immigrants' break the law": Deadbeat cattle rancher militia

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illegal-immigrants

A major advantage of having a Twitter pal like the wonderful Lalo Alcaraz (@LaloAlcaraz) is that he occasionally generously shares his work with us. In his comic strip today, Lalo zeroed in on "deadbeat cattle rancher militias" who "hate illegal immigrants."

Or to put it another way, Cliven Bundy and His Merry Band O' Bigots.

David Horsey nailed it in the Los Angeles Times:

Bundy hops on his horse and parades around carrying the flag of the government he says he doesn’t believe in. He boasts that he is just like one of the founding fathers. He apparently has not figured out that most of his countrymen are starting to see him as a deadbeat who, for 20 years, has fed his cattle for free on land that doesn’t belong to him — land that, in law and in fact, belongs to the people of the United States.

Scofflaws like Bundy and his supporters justify their law-breaking by claiming they don't believe in the U.S. government (as they sponge off of it and flag-wave), but if "illegal immigrants" try to make it here, pay taxes, and fight our wars, all bets are off.

Take it away, Lalo:

la cucaracha illegal immigrants

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