Archive for subway

Hey Subway, when did you guys change the motto to “Eat Fresh Plastic?”

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Subway eat fresh plastic

A guest post about the Subway restaurant chain by the one, the only Will Durst. He's having a little fun with their inclusion of a chemical used in plastic foam products... in their bread:

EAT FRESH PLASTIC

No matter who you are or where you live or what you drive or whether you thought The English Patient or Anchorman 2 the funnier movie, it is time to take a stand on plastic bread. Here’s a hint: most of us are against it. Formaldehyde rinsed coffee beans? Not big fans. Flame retardants in our cupcakes? That’s a big old negativo, Breaker One. And pink slime should be featured in horror films, not meat.

These heartfelt proclamations result from the wake of recent revelations that the Subway sandwich chain uses the chemical, azodicarbonamide, in its bread. Azodicarbonamide is an additive whose principle use lies in the production of plastic foam products like yoga mats and sneaker soles. Not quite what you’d expect from the company that grew to 41,000 stores by being the healthy alternative. Hey Jared, when did you guys change the motto to “Eat Fresh Plastic?”

This culinary confession has prompted reactions just a wee tad less hysterical than a carload of pre-school Catholic girls flying off a roller coaster into the pigpens of the Nevada State Fair. “SUBWAY BREAD IS SNEAKERS, PEOPLE. YOU’RE EATING SNEAKERS.”

Settle down folks. You can find all sorts of stuff in our food. Cellulose, which is wood fiber. Hormones. Rodent hairs. Metal shavings. Dwarf goat beard trimmings. What part of the chicken you think the McNugget comes from? And don’t forget that most omnipresent chemical of them all: the dreaded dihydrogen monoxide, often nicknamed… H2O.

There’s a chemical known as castoreum that is used in raspberry and vanilla flavorings. The way castoreum is harvested is by extracting the juice from the anal glands of beavers. Nope. Not kidding. And you think your job sucks.

Now, who first discovered that the juice of the anal glands of beavers tastes like raspberries has been lost in the sands of time- probably a good thing. But it does lead one to suspect the trappers of yesteryear were a whole lot braver and infinitely more curious than first imagined and apparently had a huge amount of time on their hands. Not to mention a thin patina of something vaguely vanilla- ish.

Thing is, you take all the chemicals out of food, they’d be the wrong color, rot in 6 hours and that quarter pounder would have to be marketed as a 2.5 ouncer. There’s only 2 ways to ensure your digestive tract is unsullied by tainted food. Grow your own or stop eating. The beauty of the latter is being able to fit into fashionably thin clothes. During that brief pre-dead period.

Both castoreum and azodicarbonamide are classified by the FDA as GRAS. Generally Recognized as Safe. Which seems a rather unexacting measurement where our children’s food is concerned. For years Rock Hudson was GR as straight. Pluto - GR as being a planet. Trickle down economics- GRABS.

This public relations nightmare couldn’t come at a worse time for Subway, whose foot long sandwiches were recently measured at 11 inches. Absent one angry inch. Or maybe the foot they’re referring to relates to the sneaker soles.

Rather than running away from the controversy, the sandwich maker needs to double down, by selling the American public (because they can’t use it in the bread of foreign countries) azodicarbonamide as a low-fat, self-cleansing miracle additive. “Subway: Home of the Shiny Clean Colon.”

Will Durst is an award- winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com to find about more about his new CD, “Elect to Laugh” and calendar of personal appearances including his highly lauded one man show-  "BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG."

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Restore Your Faith In Panhandling

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panhandling

A smile leads to another smile. Happiness leads to more happiness, and satire leads to... more happiness. I was a bit skeptical when I started watching this video courtesy of College Humor, but it's subtlety and acute sense of what America has become and actually could evolve to is highly smile provoking. So if you've got two minutes, you can spend it wisely here with something that might make your day, of go worry and fixate about something you can't control and will be eating you up for the next few hours.

Enjoy, and just think, someday this could be you:

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Video Mid Day Distraction- New York Subway 1905

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Video Mid Day Distraction- Dueling Subway Sax

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Via.

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Video Overnight Thread- Improv Everywhere: No Pants Subway Ride 2013

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You gotta give them credit, it was probably pretty cold down there. Via.

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Photo of the Day- Water Pours Into New Jersey Subway

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Holey crap. Via.

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Video Overnight Thread- New York City Subway Fun

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New York City is an experience.

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