Archive for snarkitude

SNL spoofs CNN: Pregnancy test sends out countless irrelevant bulletins

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Whether we watch CNN, MSNBC, Fox, or the Big Three TV networks, we are often subjected to a constant stream of non-news, redundant reporting, irrelevant stories, inane bulletins, anchors and commentators with nothing new to say, repetitive clips, video packages, you name it.

I rarely watch CNN any more, but I do keep an eye out for interesting tweets on the Twitter Machine. And guess what? The tweets from people and organizations I follow were filled with mockery and snark about CNN's incessant coverage of the horrific Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 disappearance.

Coverage of a major news story is one thing, red herrings and extraneous filler are quite another. It was hard to avoid the multitude of tweets noting how CNN devoted twenty-four hours a day (or so it seemed) to one story, even when there was nothing to report.

Ocean footage is not news.

CNN was clearly aware of the social media reaction. Well, Jake Tapper was, anyway. When I retweeted Jacki Schechner (@JackiSchechner), about it, he popped into our thread to inform us that CNN, as we speak, was airing a report about something else. Hey, if you have to interject that your network has taken a hiatus from their fixation on one story, then maybe the criticism is valid.

jake tapper tweet jacki schechner CNN Malaysia

That's an order! One that I didn't obey.

If only news networks would become, you know, news networks, instead of commercialized, ratings-centric infotainment feeds.

And with that, here is Saturday Night Live's "commercial" spoofing news media coverage generally and CNN specifically. They nailed it:

BREAKING: CNN more confident than ever that it will soon know if you’re pregnant,” read one alert from the test, in between updates about Oscar Pistorius removing his legs in court and Kesha. Ultimately, we learned nothing from the pregnancy test...

H/t: Mediaite

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MSNBC: Preen forward #OhButIKid

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msnbc shows

Oh, but I kid MSNBC. I watch it every single day, and despite it being the only major cable news outlet I can tolerate (or appreciate), there are a few observations that I can no longer keep to myself. Gotta vent. Here's my (satirical) take on MSNBC daytime:

MSNBC Host 1: So welcome to my very own show. So, today's guests are Goldie Taylor, Howard Fineman, David Corn, Joan Walsh, Michael Steele, Jonathan Alter, Michael Eric Dyson, Nicolle Wallace, Mark Halperin, Michael Isikoff, Jonathan Capehart, Kasie Hunt, Eugene Robinson, Ezra Klein, Dave Weigel, Steve Schmidt, and all my fellow MSNBC hosts who are all here to talk about their very own shows! Every single one of them. So have I told you guys what a great job you do? GOD you're good. You all excel at your jobs! To call you stellar doesn't do you justice! I'm so proud to call you "colleagues."

Chuck Todd, Steve Kornacki, Alex Wagner, Chris Hayes, Joy Reid, Ronan Farrow, Krystal Ball, Karen Finney, Melissa Harris-Perry, Ari Melber: So, thank you, my friend! So, congratulations to us! So, group hug to Camera Three!

MSNBC Host 2: So when we return, we'll explore why every MSNBC commentator begins each thought with, "So..." We'll be back in 15 minutes after these messages from Cialis, Cymbalta, Lipitor, Abilify, Celebrex, Humira, Nasonex, and Lyrica.

Chuck Todd, Steve Kornacki, Alex Wagner, Chris Hayes, Joy Reid, Ronan Farrow, Krystal Ball, Karen Finney, Melissa Harris-Perry, Ari Melber: So you forgot AT&T, BP, Exxon, Citibank, catheters, vaginal dryness meds, and Christian Mingle!

One hour later...

MSNBC Host 2: So here to help us make some sense of our top story is the host of [insert any MSNBC daytime show here]. Thanks for being here, Other Host.

Other MSNBC Host: So I'm honored, my friend. You are awesome.

MSNBC Host 2: So no, YOU are, my friend.

Other MSNBC Host: No, YOU! So.

Luke Russert: Um, hello? So did somebody forget to intro Tim Russert's trying-to-fill-his-father's-big-shoes son over here on the monitor? So I've got an exclusive I'm dying to break right here on your very own show, MSNBC Host 2!

MSNBC Host 2: So we could never forget YOU, Luke, my friend, my brother. What's your scoop? You always have the BEST scoops! GOD you're good.

Luke: So, so are you. You are a FABULOUS host, as are you, Other MSNBC Host. You two are superb at everything you do. Nobody does it better. So I'm in tears. Seriously. So how cool is it that we're all such good friends? So who knew being this incestuous could pay so well?

MSNBC Host 2: So tell us your scoop, Amazingly Adept Luke, my brother, my friend, MSNBC's own Sage of Washington DC, Our Capitol Hill Crusader! So don't you just love these obvious displays of public camaraderie? It's like our own private little club! So whatcha got, my friend?

Luke: Well crap. I forgot.

MSNBC Host 2: So we'll be back right after these words from Cialis, Cymbalta, Lipitor, Abilify, Celebrex, Axiron, Humira, Nasonex, Lyrica,  AT&T, BP, Exxon, Citibank, catheters, vaginal dryness meds, Febreze, Aleve, Verizon, Samsung, Cliffside Malibu Rehab Center, Christian Mingle, GE, financial groups you've never heard of, and endless promos of other MSNBC programming and the new MSNBC website!

One hour later...

MSNBC Host 3: So now for more repetitive analysis, welcome back to the hosts of all of our other fantastic shows. You all do such great work. Nobody does it better than you, my friends. GREAT reporting! You all look GREAT! Our audiences should be tuning into each of your shows every single day and night, no matter what effect that much exposure to redundant political infotainment has on their personal relationships!

Chuck Todd, Steve Kornacki, Alex Wagner, Chris Hayes, Joy Reid, Ronan Farrow, Krystal Ball, Karen Finney, Melissa Harris-Perry, Ari Melber: So Rachel has a very special Special coming up! Let's plug it! Over and over and over again!

MSNBC Host 3: I was just about to. But first, may I just say, you guys really set a high bar for journalistic standards. GREAT reporting, guys! But now it's time for the Tweet of the Day from Chris Matthews, MSNBC's very own god. But first: So when is Ezra Klein getting his own show already? He may put us to sleep in seconds, but he does such incredibly GREAT work! GREAT reporting! What a find! Am I right, my friends? Hey Farrow, stop giggling. So I'll get your responses to this and more on the other side of the commercial break. We have a new sponsor: ZzzKlein, er, Quil.

Fade out.

(Laffy Note: I didn't forget to include Lawrence O'Donnell, Chris Matthews, Ed Schultz, or Rachel Maddow in the Long Host List. While they do pop in on election nights or to promote a special or a book occasionally, they rarely guest on other shows as commentators/panel members.)

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You've reached the "I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas" support group

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I'm Miss Snark smaller

I always open my weekly radio spot on the Nicole Sandler Show at RadioOrNot.com with a little snarky humor in the form of a fake automated voice mail system. Every week I choose a topic to mock, and when Nicole Skypes me, instead of answering "Hello," I respond with, "You've reached..." followed by, "Press One for..., press Two for... etc."  Just like in real life! Only hopefully more entertaining.

Because it's gray and rainy today, because Kobe Bryant is out for another six weeks with a broken knee, and because I'm in an extra crispy crankpot mood, and because I need a break from Very Serious News Items, I thought I'd share today's Press 1, 2, 3 edition to bring a little silliness to the day.

You've reached the “I’m dreaming of a Black Christmas” support group.

Press ONE if you just know Fox News hosts will try to blunt criticism of Megyn Kelly’s recent remarks by saying, “Pfft! This whole silly kerfuffle will all just fall into the White Hole of TV history.”

Press TWO if you anticipated Megyn Kelly gleefully “jesting” about the busiest shopping day of the holiday season referring to it as "White Friday," and then crediting her favorite comedian… the Daily Show’s Lewis White.

Press THREE if you fully expect Megyn Kelly to claim that all piano keys are white, zebras have white and white stripes, that her favorite recording artists are the White-Eyed Peas, and she’ll haul off and give anyone who accuses her of racism... a white eye.

Have a happy holiday!

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So GOP, are you now going to repeal Fry's Electronics?

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repeal fry's

  • Sudden surge of curious online customers: Check.
  • Deadline precipitates abrupt consumer deluge: Check.
  • Overwhelmed web page that offers a wide range of new products freezes: Check.
  • Users frustrated by slow or frozen page while trying to take advantage of marketplace choices, purchase options: Check.
  • Supply and demand issues create additional glitches: Check.
  • Crashed website: Check.

WhiteHouse.gov?

Nope. Fry's Electronics.

The Los Angeles Times:

Fry's Electronics, which rolled out online-only deals on Thanksgiving, saw its website crash in the morning under the weight of too many eager Internet shoppers. Product pages were slow to load or didn't load at all, and many customers found themselves unable to complete their purchases.

Come on, GOP, repeal the Fry's chain!

No, better yet: Repeal all online holiday sales! Get on it, Republicans, stat! Obsess on it! Make it your life's mission!

now that's snarky

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VIDEO-- White House take note: Daily Show's mock #Obamacare ads win the message war

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abortion hanger keep safe and legal

H/t Sarah Kliff at WaPo, who called this the "best-ever Obamacare ad." She's right.

My favorite parts were when Jason Jones's mockitude went right over conservative analyst Gina Loudon's empty little hypocritical head:

See, you are so much better than them at reducing complicated ideas into meaningless phrases. [He then called her condescending. She laughed and nodded in agreement.]

You know, normally I do these interviews and I just ironically nod and agree with whatever the person is saying, but, uh, I don't know if I can with that one. ... [bursts out laughing] No, I can't do it. I can't stay in character. That's just bulls**t.

But IMHO, the best moment was this exchange:

Smiley Face Loudon: When government is in your exam room, I have a problem with that. It's not the place of government! This is a private affair, obviously.

Jason Jones: It is a private affair. Just throwing this out here: Are you pro-choice?

[pregnant pause... no pun intended]

Smiley Face: Am I...? It depends on what issue you're talking about. I think the government should uphold the Constitution, which guarantees the right to life.

Jason: Okay, I get it. So it's, "Uncle Sam, stay the hell away from my vagina... until we want to do a certain thing with it, and then... get up all in my vagina.

Smiley Face then continues to grin blankly as she awkwardly turns her head to avert Jason's unflinching gaze.

Oh well. As embarrassingly contradictory as she was, at least her pasted-on smile was consistent.

dim bulb2 stupid

Incidentally, Obamacare Inspires Disney World To Give Full Employment To 427 Part-Time Workers.

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VIDEO: "If you value your life, please seek shelter from Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry leaves trail of death, Rubio sucks"

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marco rubio sucks

Adam Mordecai  posted some brilliant video snarkitude at Upworthy that caught my eye:

There are members of Congress who don't understand or accept basic science concepts. This hilarious video is dedicated to them.

Dedicated to the ignorant, stubborn, backward, self-serving Republicans who lack foresight and continue to cater to Big Oil, Mother Earth and her inhabitants be damned.

This one is a must-watch:

Brought to you by the amazing 350.org:

Go to http://www.climatenamechange.org

Since 1954, the World Meteorological Organization has been naming extreme storms after people. But we propose a new naming system. One that names extreme storms caused by climate change, after the policy makers who deny climate change and obstruct climate policy. If you agree, sign the petition at http://www.climatenamechange.org/#/pe...

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VIDEO snarkitude: "George Zimmerman's Vigilante Training Academy"

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zimmerman training academy trayvon

One of my Twitter pals, @ChrisMcGuire, aka Schlepp Films, tweeted me a link to his new YouTube. It's chock full o' snarkitude.

My Twitter stream has been filled with vile racists and hate-filled tweets since the verdict, and it's abundantly clear that there is no such thing as a "post-racial" America. It's as disheartening as it is disturbing. Let's hope that, as President Obama suggested, younger voters really do get it, and that they'll soon change this country for the better.

As my name says, GottaLaff... or you cry.

SchleppFilms:

Have you ever dreamed of taking to the streets and issuing your own form of justice? Thanks to the amazing career development opportunities at 'George Zimmerman's Vigilante Training Academy', punks everywhere are on high alert. Learn how you can take back your neighborhood today!

SUBSCRIBE to Schlepp Films: http://www.youtube.com/schleppfilms

'Like' Us: https://www.facebook.com/SchleppFilms

'Follow': https://twitter.com/ChrisMcGuire

Produced by Schlepp Films

Written/Directed/Shot/Edited by Chris McGuire http:/www.chrismcguire.net

Voice Over by: Dick Berstein:  http://www.dickbernstein.com/

Starring:

Thomas Weaver as 'The Instructor'
Jacob Berger as 'Student #1'
Teddy Kalin as 'Student #2'
Ken Jacowitz as 'Student #3'
Stefan Robert as 'The Thug'

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