Archive for snarkitude

Jon Stewart skewers "Dr." Karl Rove's slimy diagnosis of Hillary Clinton #Brainghazi

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Once again, Jon Stewart kills it on The Daily Show. This time around, he's all over Donald Sterling and Karl Rove the way slime oozes all over Republicans-- like Nebraska U.S. Senate nominee Ben Sasse (R), who will "promote almost anarchistic vision" as Senator: Religion trumps law.

Above is Bill Clinton's reaction. Below is Jon Stewart's inimitable take on The Daily Show:

Jon Stewart:

Apparently Karl Rove unskewed that number [the number of days Hillary Clinton was in the hospital after her fall].

Clearly, he thought CraniumGate was going to be a slam dunk talking point. Turns out, not really.

"I never said 'brain damage'! All I said, I merely noted, in passing, that she was wearing traumatic brain injury eye wear, whaddyacall there, loboto-lenses, whatever! The boop-boop! glasses, you know, whatever you want to call 'em."

Really, Karl, you sure you want to go conspiracy route on this one?

Unanswered questions! An attempted cover-up! My god! It's Brainghazi!!

How many synapses! We need the truth!! Brainghazi!!!!!

Just one quick question before you go there, House MD: When did you start caring so much about the brain fitness of those who have to hold the Oval Office?

I assume it was right after your boss fell and banged his head after losing a battle with the pretzel. Dude blacks out, next thing you know he's starting an unprovoked war in Iraq.

Now he spends his days eating applesauce and painting his feet.

gw bush paintings nudes via Gawker

So, Karl, how do you explain your own cranial issues? Or your former boss's?

H/t: TheWeek.com

karl rove hillary clinton jon stewart brainghazi

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Premature speculation: Jon Stewart skewers 2016 election coverage

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2016 election speculation Jon Stewart

premature speculation

Last time I looked, the 2016 elections come AFTER the 2014 elections, which seems obvious to those of us who can count. And who own calendars. And who aren't news dee jays. And who don't have zillions of dollars available to influence elections, dollars that they slather all over their favorite candidates and causes. So who better to mock the premature 2016 election speculation glut than-- ta daa!-- Jon Stewart on The Daily Show.

Presenting "Democalypse 2014: 2016 Foreplay Edition," the "prespeculation hypotheticals":

Jon Stewart:

Why speculate about the near future-- when you can speculate about the far future? Coming up: Your ten day forecast!-- For next February...

Clinton v. Bush! Thank god we fought a bloody war against England so that political power would no longer be consolidated in but one family, because in my mind, two just makes sense...

Does this mean [Hillary's] hungry for 2016? ... We don't know. Because we can't know. But still. What?...

I wonder if old Wyatt Oops [Rick Perry] is gonna get back in the saddle?... I know what he's doing!... He's going from the handsome bimbo to the bookworm!

He said that in reference to Perry's "glasses of ensmartenment."

And he didn't forget to skewer the Bushes. NosirreeGeorge.

H/t: The Week

jon stewart Hillary Clinton 2016 election speculation

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Blog headline o' the day: "Boehner drops bombshell as Scar Jo rocks epic sideboob."

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read first blog headline

I don't know how Garry Trudeau does it, but he always does what he does well, including his latest Doonesbury strip. In this Sunday's snark fest, Trudeau concentrates on how to word a blog headline, something with which we here at The Political Carnival are all too familiar.

In fact, I wrote an entire post about that: "This could be a totally misleading headline. Please read the entire post." Here are some excerpts:

I can't count the times I've posted links to TPC on Twitter and Facebook and gotten responses from readers who only read the blog headline and then commented on what they assumed the post was about. I then spend time I don't have explaining, correcting, soothing, or redirecting right back to the post.

Blog titles and headlines are often misleading, sometimes intentionally. [And sometimes unintentionally]... I mistakenly presume that people will link over to see what we've taken the time, effort, and even thought (I know, right?) to write, including further explanation of a premise, pertinent information, commentary, snark, quotes from original articles, visuals, videos, and links to other sites that go into more detail.

Instead, people often base their opinions on one sentence, one that may not even represent what's in the body of the post. At all. Or maybe a little bit. Or maybe a lot, but there's still much more information than one measly line will telegraph.

So, to repeat myself, and to state the obvious, it's always a good idea to follow links and not take headlines at face value.

Trudeau takes that premise and runs with it:

doonesbury blog headline

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Koch brothers can buy anything, including Doonesbury!

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doonesbury logoI don't know how Garry Trudeau does it, but he always does what he does well, including his latest Doonesbury strip. In this Sunday's snark fest, Trudeau concentrates on none other than the infamous Koch brothers and their big spending ways. That creative wizard can pack more into a few panels than Chris Christie can pack into his... lawyer's whitewash of Bridgegate.

Using the Kochs as his focus, Trudeau sets his sights on the Supreme Court's awful Citizens United decision. That would be the same decision that allows a very few obscenely wealthy individuals to influence our elections while the rest of us donate a few bucks here and there hoping to boost our candidates of choice. One can only imagine the handful of rich donors cackling as they haul out their checkbooks.

However, unlike the "Doonesbury" below, they're not in the least bit amusing.

Trudeau ironically points out the ease with which "nasty billionaires" like the Koch brothers can buy whomever and whatever they want, including the very comic strip that houses his creation, a now unsuspecting "supporter" of the two "respected, civic-minded job creators" (vs. those Evil Labor Unions).

Don't look now, Doonesbury, but you've been acquired:

doonesbury koch brothers

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SNL spoofs CNN: Pregnancy test sends out countless irrelevant bulletins

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cnn most trusted

Whether we watch CNN, MSNBC, Fox, or the Big Three TV networks, we are often subjected to a constant stream of non-news, redundant reporting, irrelevant stories, inane bulletins, anchors and commentators with nothing new to say, repetitive clips, video packages, you name it.

I rarely watch CNN any more, but I do keep an eye out for interesting tweets on the Twitter Machine. And guess what? The tweets from people and organizations I follow were filled with mockery and snark about CNN's incessant coverage of the horrific Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 disappearance.

Coverage of a major news story is one thing, red herrings and extraneous filler are quite another. It was hard to avoid the multitude of tweets noting how CNN devoted twenty-four hours a day (or so it seemed) to one story, even when there was nothing to report.

Ocean footage is not news.

CNN was clearly aware of the social media reaction. Well, Jake Tapper was, anyway. When I retweeted Jacki Schechner (@JackiSchechner), about it, he popped into our thread to inform us that CNN, as we speak, was airing a report about something else. Hey, if you have to interject that your network has taken a hiatus from their fixation on one story, then maybe the criticism is valid.

jake tapper tweet jacki schechner CNN Malaysia

That's an order! One that I didn't obey.

If only news networks would become, you know, news networks, instead of commercialized, ratings-centric infotainment feeds.

And with that, here is Saturday Night Live's "commercial" spoofing news media coverage generally and CNN specifically. They nailed it:

BREAKING: CNN more confident than ever that it will soon know if you’re pregnant,” read one alert from the test, in between updates about Oscar Pistorius removing his legs in court and Kesha. Ultimately, we learned nothing from the pregnancy test...

H/t: Mediaite

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MSNBC: Preen forward #OhButIKid

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msnbc shows

Oh, but I kid MSNBC. I watch it every single day, and despite it being the only major cable news outlet I can tolerate (or appreciate), there are a few observations that I can no longer keep to myself. Gotta vent. Here's my (satirical) take on MSNBC daytime:

MSNBC Host 1: So welcome to my very own show. So, today's guests are Goldie Taylor, Howard Fineman, David Corn, Joan Walsh, Michael Steele, Jonathan Alter, Michael Eric Dyson, Nicolle Wallace, Mark Halperin, Michael Isikoff, Jonathan Capehart, Kasie Hunt, Eugene Robinson, Ezra Klein, Dave Weigel, Steve Schmidt, and all my fellow MSNBC hosts who are all here to talk about their very own shows! Every single one of them. So have I told you guys what a great job you do? GOD you're good. You all excel at your jobs! To call you stellar doesn't do you justice! I'm so proud to call you "colleagues."

Chuck Todd, Steve Kornacki, Alex Wagner, Chris Hayes, Joy Reid, Ronan Farrow, Krystal Ball, Karen Finney, Melissa Harris-Perry, Ari Melber: So, thank you, my friend! So, congratulations to us! So, group hug to Camera Three!

MSNBC Host 2: So when we return, we'll explore why every MSNBC commentator begins each thought with, "So..." We'll be back in 15 minutes after these messages from Cialis, Cymbalta, Lipitor, Abilify, Celebrex, Humira, Nasonex, and Lyrica.

Chuck Todd, Steve Kornacki, Alex Wagner, Chris Hayes, Joy Reid, Ronan Farrow, Krystal Ball, Karen Finney, Melissa Harris-Perry, Ari Melber: So you forgot AT&T, BP, Exxon, Citibank, catheters, vaginal dryness meds, and Christian Mingle!

One hour later...

MSNBC Host 2: So here to help us make some sense of our top story is the host of [insert any MSNBC daytime show here]. Thanks for being here, Other Host.

Other MSNBC Host: So I'm honored, my friend. You are awesome.

MSNBC Host 2: So no, YOU are, my friend.

Other MSNBC Host: No, YOU! So.

Luke Russert: Um, hello? So did somebody forget to intro Tim Russert's trying-to-fill-his-father's-big-shoes son over here on the monitor? So I've got an exclusive I'm dying to break right here on your very own show, MSNBC Host 2!

MSNBC Host 2: So we could never forget YOU, Luke, my friend, my brother. What's your scoop? You always have the BEST scoops! GOD you're good.

Luke: So, so are you. You are a FABULOUS host, as are you, Other MSNBC Host. You two are superb at everything you do. Nobody does it better. So I'm in tears. Seriously. So how cool is it that we're all such good friends? So who knew being this incestuous could pay so well?

MSNBC Host 2: So tell us your scoop, Amazingly Adept Luke, my brother, my friend, MSNBC's own Sage of Washington DC, Our Capitol Hill Crusader! So don't you just love these obvious displays of public camaraderie? It's like our own private little club! So whatcha got, my friend?

Luke: Well crap. I forgot.

MSNBC Host 2: So we'll be back right after these words from Cialis, Cymbalta, Lipitor, Abilify, Celebrex, Axiron, Humira, Nasonex, Lyrica,  AT&T, BP, Exxon, Citibank, catheters, vaginal dryness meds, Febreze, Aleve, Verizon, Samsung, Cliffside Malibu Rehab Center, Christian Mingle, GE, financial groups you've never heard of, and endless promos of other MSNBC programming and the new MSNBC website!

One hour later...

MSNBC Host 3: So now for more repetitive analysis, welcome back to the hosts of all of our other fantastic shows. You all do such great work. Nobody does it better than you, my friends. GREAT reporting! You all look GREAT! Our audiences should be tuning into each of your shows every single day and night, no matter what effect that much exposure to redundant political infotainment has on their personal relationships!

Chuck Todd, Steve Kornacki, Alex Wagner, Chris Hayes, Joy Reid, Ronan Farrow, Krystal Ball, Karen Finney, Melissa Harris-Perry, Ari Melber: So Rachel has a very special Special coming up! Let's plug it! Over and over and over again!

MSNBC Host 3: I was just about to. But first, may I just say, you guys really set a high bar for journalistic standards. GREAT reporting, guys! But now it's time for the Tweet of the Day from Chris Matthews, MSNBC's very own god. But first: So when is Ezra Klein getting his own show already? He may put us to sleep in seconds, but he does such incredibly GREAT work! GREAT reporting! What a find! Am I right, my friends? Hey Farrow, stop giggling. So I'll get your responses to this and more on the other side of the commercial break. We have a new sponsor: ZzzKlein, er, Quil.

Fade out.

(Laffy Note: I didn't forget to include Lawrence O'Donnell, Chris Matthews, Ed Schultz, or Rachel Maddow in the Long Host List. While they do pop in on election nights or to promote a special or a book occasionally, they rarely guest on other shows as commentators/panel members.)

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You've reached the "I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas" support group

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I'm Miss Snark smaller

I always open my weekly radio spot on the Nicole Sandler Show at RadioOrNot.com with a little snarky humor in the form of a fake automated voice mail system. Every week I choose a topic to mock, and when Nicole Skypes me, instead of answering "Hello," I respond with, "You've reached..." followed by, "Press One for..., press Two for... etc."  Just like in real life! Only hopefully more entertaining.

Because it's gray and rainy today, because Kobe Bryant is out for another six weeks with a broken knee, and because I'm in an extra crispy crankpot mood, and because I need a break from Very Serious News Items, I thought I'd share today's Press 1, 2, 3 edition to bring a little silliness to the day.

You've reached the “I’m dreaming of a Black Christmas” support group.

Press ONE if you just know Fox News hosts will try to blunt criticism of Megyn Kelly’s recent remarks by saying, “Pfft! This whole silly kerfuffle will all just fall into the White Hole of TV history.”

Press TWO if you anticipated Megyn Kelly gleefully “jesting” about the busiest shopping day of the holiday season referring to it as "White Friday," and then crediting her favorite comedian… the Daily Show’s Lewis White.

Press THREE if you fully expect Megyn Kelly to claim that all piano keys are white, zebras have white and white stripes, that her favorite recording artists are the White-Eyed Peas, and she’ll haul off and give anyone who accuses her of racism... a white eye.

Have a happy holiday!

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