By GottaLaff

“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!

Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.

A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:

What a week. Canada held the Winter Olympics in Vancouver and we held a Healthcare summit in Washington. And we still don’t know which one showed us the bigger snow job.

Olympic skier LINDSEY VONN won a Gold medal for being the fastest to go downhill, that is if you don’t count NBC.

The East Coast is still covered in snow. Millions of people are unable to get to where they USED to work.

PRESIDENT OBAMA had his annual physical and according to his doctors everything is all right. Former Vice President DICK CHENEY also went in for his annual checkup and everything is also okay, according to his taxidermist.

Forget about JEFF BRIDGES as a nominee for leading actor. CHENEY should get the award for “Crazy Heart.”

Democrats have introduced a bill requiring all members of the Senate to remain seated until JIM BUNNING’S mouth has come to a complete stop.

Representative CHARLES RANGEL, the chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, has temporarily surrendered his post pending an ethics investigation. They’ve been investigating him for three months now and so far they have not found one single trace of ethics.

KARL ROVE’S new book confirms that he and BUSH were lying. It happened in chapter two, when he and the PRESIDENT announce that Iraq had “Weapons of Mass Distruction” and their pants went on fire.

Greece is struggling to get out from underneath billions of dollars of debt. Financial analysts say Greece’s economy is in ruins. Have you ever looked around Greece? Ruins is their business.

Gatorade officially ended their relationship with TIGER WOODS after they checked his cell phone and found texts from Powerade, Vitamin Water and five other sports drinks.

The FAA is investigating why a child was allowed to direct air traffic at John F. Kennedy airport. Authorities became suspicious when five of the planes landed at a “Toys R Us” parking lot.

Astronaut BUZZ ALDRIN will be on TV next season. First he was “Walking on the Moon” now he’ll be “Dancing with the Stars.”

Talent coordinators thought the 80 year-old ALDRIN would be a great dancer when they saw how smooth he walked. They didn’t realize he had just come back from a prostate exam.

“American Idol” judge, SIMON COWELL, announced his engagement to his longtime girlfriend MEZHGAN HUSSAINY. They’ve been holding off until SIMON could pronounce her name.

They both realize that in marriage there will be some difficult and unhappy times. The first, I believe, will be when SIMON auditions a wedding singer.

There is no truth to the rumor that a group of “Tea Baggers” were thinking of picketing the Oscars, claiming that the film “Inglorious Bastards” is a thinly veiled liberal attack on right wing Republicans.

As it always is, the most touching moment in the Academy Awards came when they gave the yearly tribute to those stars who have passed away and gone to a better place, the “Turner Classic Movie Channel.”

The “In Memoriam” segment of the show included photos of PATRICK SWAYZE, JENNIFER JONES and clips from the “Jay Leno Show.”

Winning an Oscar really helps a star’s career. Right after the 1997 Academy Awards, KENNETH BRANAGH took one look at that year’s winner, CUBA GOODING, and immediately signed him for his latest project, “Hamlet In The Hood.”

F.I.L. had a particularly good week. These jokes are gold! Gold!