Archive for satire

Dep't. of Gaa! Annoyingly overused phrases in TV news

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cliches, phrases

The so-called "news" media (Hey, remember real news?) can get under one's skin on so many levels. Today, let's just concentrate on their delivery and vocabulary, because one can only take so much pet peevage in one sitting.  Journalists overuse several terms and phrases the way John Boehner overuses tanning beds and taverns. The way Republicans overuse Voter I.D. laws. The way Sunday talk shows overuse John McCain and Lindsey Graham. The way the GOP overuses the filibuster. The way Ferguson cops overuse tear gas. The way Sarah Palin overuses "You betcha!" "also, too," and Facebook.

Below are a few of the annoying phrases that cable news hosts, contributors, and guests insist on using over and over and over again, ad nauseam. And these are just off the top of my head.

And don't even get me started on the weirdly unnatural, singsong delivery and pauses used by most correspondents' in their "packaged" (pre-taped) segments. Or the inability of many hosts to read off their teleprompters. Or the way MSNBC guests and contributors are forced to clasp their hands in front of them like kindergarteners. Or the Oh, come on now! grammatical errors made by seasoned anchors, underscored by the You gotta be kidding me! spelling errors on the news crawl. Or the forced palsy-walsitude and effusive praise among cliquey hosts. Can you imagine Walter Cronkite doing any of that?

heavy sigh

Rant over.

Here's a partial list of news biz clichés. Some are irritating because they are meaningless. Some are unbearably stale. Some are painfully trite and/or cloying. Others simply make no sense. And all make me wonder why so many intelligent newscasters and editors rely on such hackneyed and/or poor verbiage. You are invited to pile on in Comments:

  • Take a listen
  • At the end of the day
  • The whole nine yards
  • All politics is local
  • A tempest in a teapot
  • Some say...
  • Game changer
  • Went missing
  • In the days and weeks to come (weeks and months, months and years)...
  • Thank you, my friend
  • On the ground
  • At this point in time
  • Folks
  • I just got off the phone with...
  • Journey
  • Journey
  • Did I mention journey?
  • We need to have a conversation
  • The homeland
  • That being said...
  • We'll leave it there

We'll leave it there.

For a satirical look at MSNBC hosts and their banter, link over to my Preen forward #OhButIKid post of a few months ago.

Now that I've gotten all that out of my system, can we move on to the most annoyingly overused commercials on TV?


frustrated41

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Overnight: Monty Python: 'Every Sperm Is Sacred'

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Every Sperm Is Sacred

A Monty Python classic!

From YouTube:

Welcome to the official Monty Python YouTube channel. This is the place to find top quality classic Python videos, as well as some special stuff that you'll only find here such as interviews and behind-the-scenes footage from our live shows. All the Pythons including John Cleese, Michael Palin, Eric Idle, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones & Graham Chapman can be found here being incredibly silly.

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Dana Carvey Brings SNL "Choppin' Broccoli" Back - With a Lil' Orchestra

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IM-GOOD-ENOUGHIM

You have to be about as old as I am to have seen the original skit in 1886 1986 … but Dana Carvey is about as good as it gets from vintage Saturday Night Live.

Imagine our delight when Jimmy Fallon brought not only Carvey in full SNL personae back behind the microphone … but requested 'Choppin Broccoli' be given some 2014 swagger! And a distinct Chopinesque flair.

NOWAY

It's a peach. Kudos to Uproxx.com for having the video and some fine commentary on the new Video Gem.


How often do we get highly hilarious orchestral moments? You Go Jimmy Fallon.

Now in case you're also feeling nostalgic for the real deal … take it away old Dana Carvey! And in more than one fashion. The first is his audition reel for SNL.  You're welcome.

way

And, after they hired him ...

Where would liberals be without SNL?!

what'reyoudoin

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Overnight: Corporations Are People Now (But Apparently Women Are Not)

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Hobby Lobby Lauren Mayer


Lauren Mayer is a singer/songwriter/pianist who writes comedy songs about everything from Supreme Court decisions to the Kardashians. She proudly supports leftist causes including equal pay, reproductive choice, fair minimum wage, addressing climate change, and marriage equality.
Note: Lauren's CD is now available!! Hear clips or purchase CD/downloads at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/laurenmayer8. It is also on iTunes and will soon be on Amazon!

From YouTube:

A musical summary of the Hobby Lobby decision's consequences

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Nineties Nostalgia? UP and Lizz Winstead Discuss Liberally

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didsomebodyaskfor
Whether you enjoy the young Steve Kornacki or not, he throws a great weekend roundtable on UP. This holiday weekend brought some extra humor in, including someone we are all likely fans of, co-creator of The Daily Show and founder of Lady Parts Justice, Lizz Winstead.

Clinton-mania is starting to rev it's engines on both sides of the aisle, and it won't be long before the really large mega-phones come out on all fronts. Whether you tolerate Hillary or not, insert your reaction here, she and the Nineties are an inevitable topic of conversation from now until The HRC Announce or Denounce and Bow Out Date.

hillary-palin-blood-clot

If you are of a certain age, this is a great look back and offers a glimpse of what could be again - a confident country that doesn't have it's ass being wagged by the ubiquitous, lunatic fringe Tea Party. Remember the era before the Idjits?!?

I never do this in posts ... but:  Sigh.

UP took a truly amusing look at how we have or have not changed since the nineties, a table that included the afore-mentioned liberally hilarious Lizz Winstead.

Somehow Saturday Night Live came to mind on the heels of that discussion, so for an extra chortle, here's how those of us who were young adults in the Nineties had a laugh at Bubba, while we were comfortably ensconced in financial security and low unemployment. And had no Lipton Brigade phuquing things up.

"Get off your asses, fellas' … you've got an awfully lot of work to do," is as true now as it was then.

justsayin'

Get Out the Vote!! Who knows how many other Palins are lurking out there in the Wild?!!

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Fox Noise Champions A Blessed Proselytizing Kentucky Bank Teller - VIDEO

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Cartoon, Clay Bennett, The Chattanooga Times Free Press

Cartoon, Clay Bennett, The Chattanooga Times Free Press

 
I know, I'm a sadist. But someone has to slog over there and see what the asshattery is up to.

This had to be the Perfect Storm of a Religionist story for  the Godly Couch over at Fvx and Friends Sunday.

They were able to get their Tucker Bow Tie Sporting Prick Tucker manned Hysteria Periscope fixed on someone who was allegedly fired for just being a Blessed and Happy Christian. At work. [King of the Asshats award was won early, Jaysus.]

And … in their Beating Red Heartland. Kentucky. No Proselytizing

You're going to need your thigh-high Orvis Waders for this one, and a nose-plug might not be excessive.

Initially one flashes to Seinfeld's Kramer taking the bank To the Bank for misnoming a cash-gua-ran-teed fixed courtesy greeting. But that was fiction. This is Religionist solicitation in a very peculiar venue.

NoProselytizing-300x300

Capitalism meets Born Again Solicitation. Neace said she not only goes to church on Sunday but lives her beliefs every day in Amurrika. Here's the Fox Noise treatment. Tighten those waders.


The Interview(!) ... because Of Course it's a religiousity freedom issue. Warned you about the Ick Level.

Cincinnati News, FOX19-WXIX TV

penny_proselytizing_roger_wendell_2007

Sadly, Fox Noise is alive and well and maintaining a hypothetical place in Reality. The blonde Fvx Sunday pundit sympathized in horror for about 90 seconds, then the couch of infamy got to the really red meat of the matter ... The Holy Teller, Polly Neace, had been loudly proselytizing from behind her wee window.

A customer -- somewhere in her hearing but not in her line or at her nameplate-- had taken Her Lord's name in vain in the Holy Teller's American-exceptional hearing! As she described, aggrieved lawyer adjacent, on Fvx and Friends around 6:15 EST live [shouldn't she be showering and baking for church, one might ponder?] ... that the profanity swooped across the lobby and went 'like a dagger through my heart!'

nosoliciting

The Teller was unable to halt the impulse of her Jesus Would Have Done It Self, and let the offending bank customer know in detail how the profanity-laced life was assuredly going to lead Straight To Hell {paraphrasey}.

We have all heard some oddities from bank tellers - but a Fire and Brimstone (with a Southern drawl and that Ice faux smile) solicitation when you are in an entirely different rope line?

Hell No.

Good on that bank for canning the Holier Than Thou teller. If she has a burning desire to recruit more Born Again folk to share The Rapture with, missionary work in Utah or Uganda is assuredly her best bet. She could Badger Away 24/7.

Have a Blessed day, Teller. Save the Salvation for after work hours.
girlscoutwelcome

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It's Not Always Easy To Listen To Jesus

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Jesus

WARNING: Before anyone gets offended, what follows is meant to be a lighthearted post, so don't get "cross" with me if you miss the "gospel" of this holier than thou piece.

Over the past few years, in the political world, the Christian Fundamentalist movement has been using the Bible and the names of God and Christ as excuses for everything from withholding aid to the poor and restricting female reproductive rights to combating evolution and replacing it with creationism. These outlier thinkers care not for scientific facts - to the contrary. So this begs the question, are the extreme evangelicals out of touch with reality? Just last week the Atlanta Daily World reported that Dr. Reginald Wayne Miller, Cathedral Bible College president, was arrested by the FBI for turning his students into slaves. He justified his actions as being based on the teachings and words of the bible. It wasn't the devil made him do it, it was Jesus. Holy smokes! (hey, can I say that?)

Maybe it's time to take and examine what might happen if our calls for divine help were actually answered.

Innovative, clever and sometimes off-the-charts short-film maker, Travis Richey, takes a humorous look at the outrageous with his Youtube short called Jesus Takes The Wheel. Maybe some of the Right-wing evangelicals would find a moment of sanity in this otherwise insane look at a very common practice. But certainly everyone can find fun in this juicy bit of lunacy. You'll peak your enjoyment with a bag of popcorn, a box of  jujubes, or your favorite strand of rosary beads.

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