UPDATE: This is my snarkitude, not her real speech. (The fact that it could be confused with the “real” Bachmann speaks volumes.) I thought I made that clear at the bottom of the post, but apparently not clear enough. This is a spoof of what’s coming. The real excerpts can be found at the link.

Talking Points Memo has excerpts from Michele Bachmann’s rebuttal to the rebuttal to President Obama’s State of the Union address, and they go a little something like this:

The Founding Fathers pulled an all-nighter writing on parchment until slavery was abolished. It was a really long night.  Really, really long. Especially for John Quincy Adams.

That’s CLEARLY why we have to cut every single tax to every single zillionaire, stop all that silly fretting about global warming,  give those sexy hott corporations some deregulation love, extend prayer time at official government meetings, hang a few historical paintings of children riding dinosaurs in the halls of Congress, increase face time with our favorite right wing Supreme Court judges, cut health care for every ailing– or potentially ailing– American, buy every patriot who tells me I’m pretty a three-cornered hat and a case of Lipton’s, and petition Sarah Palin to be on the 2012 ticket with me as my vice president.

And finally, as a sincere show of gratitude for all those donations you’ve thrown my way, free Botox! But only for real Americans.

Oh, but I kid the BalloonHead.*

For a few actual samples of her handiwork, go here.

*Borrowed, with many thanks, from Chris Matthews.