Archive for predictions

2014 Predictions: "New Jersey will conduct traffic studies where traffic is actually studied."

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crystal ball prediction guy

Here are a few 2014 predictions via the one, the only, Will Durst:

YE OLDE PREDICTIONS PIECE: CIRCA 2014

The dawn of the new year signals civilization’s return to several grand traditions including the ancient hoary one requiring we professional columnists to trot out the tried but true “Ye Olde Predictions Piece.” Either that or the even triter but true “Ye Olde Resolutions Piece.” But we wandered down that trail last year. And most likely will again in 2015.

Therefore, being the traditionalist ink-stained wretches that we here at Durstco are, it is with great pride and a certain amount of feigned dignity that we honor this revered journalistic practice. Hence, here they are: predictions of what to expect from various folks during the 5th year of the second decade of the 21st century.

IN THE YEAR 2014:

Barack Obama will finally purge himself of the heavy burden of high expectations.

Lindsay Lohan will engage in activities that will trigger a slow sad shake of the head from Charlie Sheen.

Locavore chicken wings will become all the rage at 60 bucks an order.

Hillary Clinton will change her hairdo so that it looks eerily like Elizabeth Warren’s.

A Silicon Valley start- up will trump Twitter by limiting users to punctuation marks. “!!!!?!”

The NRA will respond to another senseless school shooting by calling for the closing of all schools.

The NSA will ratchet up their online game- room monitoring to include Words With Friends.

The TSA will expedite passenger security by perfecting the implementation of the two handed wedgie.

Starbucks will be revealed to be in league with Amazon, charged with the goal of keeping consumers up longer so we can shop more.

The Justice Department will break laws, then conduct investigations into who told the press about the breaking of those laws instead of investigating the crimes stemming from those laws being broken.

John Boehner will encourage the nation’s unemployed to move to Mexico for one of the thousands of good US jobs now there.

The Tea Party will still steer America so that it teeters on the brink of a fiscal speed bump.

Justin Bieber will visit the grave of Mother Jones and declare her a Belieber.

Congress’s Approval Rating will sink below the poll’s margin of error.

Washington and Colorado will experience a huge uptick in tax receipts from the sale of Funyuns and Ho- Hos.

Scientists will conclude global warming is protecting Earth from another Ice Age causing Rush Limbaugh to call for a return to diesel- powered toasters.

Chris Christie will talk his way out of a rabbit snare into a bear trap.

Joe Biden will change his hairdo so it looks eerily like Chris Christie’s.

Kim Jong Un will play point guard for the North Korean National Basketball Team, then execute Dennis Rodman for stepping on his foot.

Anthony Weiner will attempt another high profile comeback and people will just laugh.

All 4 Duck Dynasty Boys will enter the 2014 Louisiana US Senate GOP Primary but will knock each other out. Literally.

New Jersey will conduct traffic studies where traffic is actually studied.

Vladimir Putin will win a gold medal in the Sochi Olympics Biathlon Event. And will do it shirtless.

The Airline Industry will make every effort to rid the skies of the most dangerous security threat known to man: passengers.

Will Durst is a nationally acclaimed and award- winning political comic. Go to willdurst.com to find about more about his new CD,“Elect to Laugh” and his calendar of personal appearances.

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Video- Pat Robertson's 2014 Predictions: President Obama will 'withdraw' in 2014 to 'go surfing'

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I've worked with the elderly and this man should be playing some bingo with a drool bib accessory, not hosting a television show. Thanks RWW.

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Today's Conservative -- The Short List

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conservative politics

Now that the House has gone on it's well earned and deserved holiday vacation (was I supposed to say Christmas break to avoid being accused of a war on Christmas?), and with the Senate poised to finish up doing more in one week than they did in the preceding 51 weeks, (thanks to a fixed filibuster rule), it's a good time to look at where we stand politically as we approach 2014.

It's actually quite a big, important year. It'll be the half-way mark of Obama's second term, it'll mean the full Affordable Care Act will finally be in effect and probably most telling will be the midterm elections where the balance of political power, the control of both houses, will be up for grabs. America will get to speak on how they feel the current 113th Congress is doing. (Hint: recent polls show about a 9% approval rate).There was the government shutdown, Obamacare's rocky rollout and of course, the huge progress both houses made in immigration, voting rights, and the farm bill.  

We'll finally see if this shapes up to be a classic battle of the rich vs. the poor. The elitist GOP faces off against the Democratic party of the people. Will it be be banks vs. consumers? Special interest groups vs. John/Jane Doe? How about right-wing bigotry vs civil rights? Undoubtedly this will shape up to be a donnybrook of conservative vs. liberal thinking. Basically the three main parties, the Democrats, the Republicans and the Tea Party will be butting heads both in primaries and in general elections. Some of the outcomes are very predictable thanks to gerrymandering. Other contests are going to be electrifying in their focus on the values the candidates and their affiliations think are most important to the electorate. Basically, how far right is right?

The big catchphrase on the GOP side is "conservative values." Everyone on the right and even in the more moderate middle are shoring up their bona fides in that "conservative" arena. Will we see a rise in the number of Reagan Democrats or a crashing down of the fragile right-wing bone china of the Tea Party extremists?

Just so we have a solid understanding of who and what makes for a real conservative, Jon Stewart has put together a short segment that explains it all. If being to the right of sanity is who your looking for, grab a pencil or pen and a pad. Jon Stewart is kicking ass and taking names.

Watch and see who makes the grade and who fails. 2014 is gonna be a great year for politics watching. Even Nate Silver reportedly is getting his eyes checked because they're already starting to go crossed.

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Zoltar Predicts

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Zoltar

Hey, when it comes to predictions, who better than Zoltar?

Kreskin you might suggest?

He's retired. But the man who should retire yet still is going strong is Chris Matthews. He's flexing his bat crazy wings going out on the limb to tell us what he sees in the future. Well, the Republican future anyway. Watch the clip and see for yourself. Now remember this is the guy who predicted Hillary Clinton for the Democrats in 2008 (off by just a hair) and also Rudy Guiliani for the Republicans.  That was just before he was predicting Mike Huckabee and suggesting it could go to Rick Perry.

Ah, there's nothing like a tingling sensation up your leg as a sign of the future. So when Chrissie speaks, lots of people listen. The intelligent one's don't put much stock in it though. Chris's predictions run at about 40%. That's a star in baseball, but a failure in political punditry. Nate Silver, he ain't.

The problem with Tweety is that he believes others and not himself. There's no doubt that Rand Paul is a contender. But he's so flawed that even the Republicans can't back him with the exception of the far, far right. Now many people are willing to say that's the area of the party you have to appeal to for a chance to win the nomination.

As true as that may be, when the Republican debates begin, so will the mudslinging. Paul's ridiculous stands on immigration, the economy, social security and national security are going to be picked apart. Even supposedly moderate Chris Christie whose about as popular as leprosy with the Tea Party faction was able to crush Rand Paul in their tete a tete recently. It wasn't a case of the bigger man winning, it was a case of Paul being far astray from mainstream thinking. His hypocritical stand on "gimme, gimme, gimme" is just the beginning. When he proposes weakening national security while stripping women of their reproductive rights, you come across as this sketchy, indecisive guy. I predict Rand Paul is going to become the invisible man after the New Hampshire primary.

So, Chris Matthews, you go on predicting all you want, but I'd stick with a sure horse in this race. It's Clinton running from the Democrats and she'll wipe up any candidate that the GOP puts in her way. You don't stop a runaway train, you wait until it loses its power on it's own. Hillary ain't running out of steam any time soon. And when fossil fuels run low, she'll show her foresight with solar power on her back.

Now if you want to make a long shot prediction to go along with your call on Rand Paul pick, look for Ms. Clinton to make it an all-female ticket by adding Elizabeth Warren to the bill. She's the financial and economy expert and Hillary has the foreign affairs area covered very well. Joe Biden was picked by Obama to enhance his bona fides in foreign affairs. Hillary will do the same and build Warren's national profile. It's called building the future with long term planning. Two bright women, an insider and an outsider running against two male, white, aging Republicans with no plan for the future except having no plan. That was Romney's playbook. There's no reason to think that the GOP will change in 2016. Remember, in the face of huge defeat, the Republicans put the same management team back running things -- Reince Priebus and company. Old and the same will give us old and the same.

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