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Hardest Working Gays In The Vatican -- The Pope's Full-Frontal and Rear Guard



The Swiss Guard. Never heard of them? They're the special protection unit assigned to the Holy See. Their job is to make sure nothing happens to the Pope. These guys are truly men's men -- maybe even more than originally thought.

When you're chosen as Pontiff, it means you have 1.21 billion followers. That's the size of the Catholic Church and the pope's their head guy, hands down -- at least here on planet Earth. In the more heavenly area, there's a bit more competition -- the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. But here in flesh and blood, there's one guy -- and currently he's Pope Francis. And his safety is in the hands of a studly, special regiment -- the Swiss Guard.

Over the past few years rumors began echoing through the halls of the Vatican about this select squad and its involvement with Pope Francis's predecessor, Pope Benedict XVI. In a relatively rare move, the former pontiff decided to step aside and make room for the new guy, Francis. This doesn't happen too often. Generally Popes die in office. But not with Benedict. The last pope to step down was way back nearly 600 years ago. He was Pope Gregory XII and his resignation was dated in 1417, so it's truly a rarity.

It does lead you to ponder what made Pope Benny decide to give up the vast power and authority of the high office and what role did the Swiss Guard play in it? That's a good question, and we're going to get there. But first, scholars are now indicating that it has to do with their power in the palace... and influence in the boudoir.

Via The Daily Beast:

For more than a year now, there has been ample talk around Rome about a powerful gay lobby at work inside the Vatican.  When Pope Benedict XVI resigned in February 2013, rumors were rampant that the alleged gay lobby was part of the reason he left the papacy.

Holy cow, or Holy sh**! A gay lobby in the Roman Catholic Church? Why that's unheard of... that's usually reserved for the American archdiocese. Do you mean to say it's not just an American thing? It's spread to H.Q.?

 Apparently the gay lobby was so powerful it was given ample ink in a still-secret red-covered dossier presented to Benedict as part of a Vatileaks internal investigation after his butler was convicted of stealing his private papers.

Wow, secret red covered dossiers with information about the Pope's private papers, or were these papers about the Pope's use of his privates?

How big is this cabal of gays and why do they have so much influence in the Vatican today? Well, part of the reveal comes from Pope Francis himself, soon after his swearing-in ceremonies:

The new Pope Francis even referred to the gay lobby at a June 6 meeting with Latin American prelates. “In the Curia there are holy people, truly holy people,” Francis reportedly told the Latin American delegation. “But there is also a current of corruption, also there is, it is true … They speak of a ‘gay lobby,’ and that is true, it is there.

Now we've got it from the Holy Man himself. There's a gay lobby. Who'd have thunk it, among the Roman Catholic Church? I don't personally have any problem with that. I live in a country where there's a Tea Party lobby and I fear they're far more dangerous than the LGBT community.

Fresh allegations now point to the lobby extending deep into the Swiss Guard, the pope’s elite protective security force, who are known for their striped yellow, red, orange and blue Renaissance uniforms. The elite troops are specially trained Swiss soldiers between the age of 19 and 30.

swiss guard uniforms

Nothing like playing into stereotypes. And don't those colorful uniforms look so -- Yves St. Laurent? Certainly not Chanel or Dior but youthful, with a splash of color. Oh, and don't overlook that red, feathery headgear -- let's just say it makes a definite fashion statement.

As we accept the presence of gays being part of a lobby in the Vatican, it's just a short tap step to examining the Pope's safety. Who ya gonna call when God's spokesman's in trouble? The Swiss Guard. And who's actively filling it's membership? Why gay men, of course.

 Elmar Mader, a former commander who led the elite force from 2002 to 2008, who seconded the rumors, and went one step further, telling the paper that could not “refute the claim that there is a network of homosexuals” within the Swiss Guard itself.

Maybe it's time to settle back and realize that there hasn't been an attack on a pope for five years now, and before that, you have to go back to 1981. Maybe these guys/gays are doing their job. Why shouldn't the Pope put his life in the hands of people of all types and influences? Maybe if you don't try to hide something, but rather understand it, you'll find that "problem" may become a solution and perhaps even save your life.

Pope Francis with Swiss Guard

Francis is openly giving it a shot. Isn't it time for the rest of his flock around the world, those 1.2 billion Catholic followers, to shed the coils of intolerance and say, "welcome to the club?"


Making Up The Rules As You Go Along


Pope Francis

Seems being Pope, like having an American Express card, "has it's privileges." Pretty much you can do what you want and 1.2 billion Roman Catholics will say "You go for it, Holy See."

Over centuries, the Catholic church has abided by certain rules for sainthood. To get into that select group, you had to meet stringent qualifications. The church wasn't going to let just anyone in. Pope John XV led the first canonization in 993, making Bishop Ulrich of Augsburg a saint.You all remember Ulrich. He was known for washing the feet of the poor. After that miraculous behavior, the Catholic church decided to formalized its rules for naming saints after the 16th-century Council of Trent.

John Paul II

It wasn't until 1983, when Pope John Paul II, eager to give his church more role models, overhauled the process. Yeah, what that church needed was more saints -- especially with the sex scandals they were experiencing.

The following "steps" are taken down the formal path to sainthood.  So the streamlined process began:

1. Papal designation as a "Servant of God" described as someone at the start of the process.

2. "Venerable" is what a pope proclaims a candidate to be after a local church investigation of his/her "heroic" virtues and orthodoxy of doctrine.

3. "Blessed," a title bestowed upon beatification, requires evidence of one miracle. Said miracle must happen after the candidate has died as a result of a specific plea to the candidate.

4. "Saint," after reports of a second miracle (or a first miracle in the case of a martyr), are verified. Then candidate is "canonized," or made a saint.

Pope John XXIII

Friday, in the case  of the late Pope John XXIII, current Pope Francis, the sitting pontiff, essentially issued a waiver, holding that it didn't matter that a second miracle hadn't been approved.

A waiver? You kidding me? Does that mean he'll have an asterisk next to his name like Roger Maris's 61 homers, or Greg LaMonde/Lance Armstrong's Tour de France victories?

Not being a Roman Catholic, I was always amazed at the disciples dedication to their scriptures. I remember when they couldn't eat meat on Fridays, people with black ash on their foreheads on Ash Wednesday, and true believers recreating the Procession to Calvary walk down the Via Dolorosa, just outside of Jerusalem, on Good Friday.

So how can such devout people not bat an eye when the new Pontiff changes the rules in the middle of the game? It's almost, dare I say it, sacrilegious.

Not only is Pope Francis canonizing in a "pretender" (until his miracle's are proven) in John XXIII but he's waved the five year waiting period on John Paul II. That's like letting someone into the Baseball Hall of Fame before he's eligible. Not a good precedent to set. Look, he's dead.  He's not going anywhere. So he can wait his 5 year waiting period. What's the rush?

Does this have anything to do with the church's continuing sex scandals? Maybe if  the soon to be Saint John Paul II wasn't the guy who knew all about the sex abuse scandals and did nothing to protect the innocent and took no action against the guilty I wouldn't be so concerned.  But this action propagates the notion that the church doesn't care.  And I bet most of the hierarchy there do.

Is the new pope paying back JPII because he's the one who picked and ordained Francis a cardinal? In that case, Dickie Kerr, the guy who discovered and developed Stan Musial should be in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Boy, this new guy, Pope Francis, is sure in a hurry. And the old, two-for-one deal trick seems pretty sweet right now for two former pontiffs-- one a sinner and the other not qualified as a saint.

Mel Brooks said it was good to be the King. I think it's even better to be Pope. Then you can do anything. So Pope Francis, if you really want to prove your future sainthood, could you please get the Cubs into the World Series and let them win. It's only been 100 years.


VIDEO: Argentina's Cardinal Bergoglio is the new Pope; He will be 'Francis'


Pope Francis


It is 76-year-old Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Buenos Aires, Argentina. He comes from a region of the world with 483 million Catholics — about 40 percent of all the church's faithful. He will be called Francis. No other pope has chosen that name, which as National Catholic Reporter reminds us honors "the 12th century saint known for his simple lifestyle and dedication to the works of mercy."

He is the first ever from the Americas and the first non-European pope of the modern era.

Per NBC, he has only one lung, the other having been removed due to infection when he was a teenager.


Quickie-- MSNBC headline: "Conclave mania!" Enough already.


pope chimney seagull

Today's Quickie:

Will someone tell me why MSNBC is treating the Popey Changey thing as a coming attraction trailer for a movie or a promo for a new reality series?

I flipped over to the cable news network during a break from the Stephanie Miller Show on Current. My bad. They introduced the "Selection of the Pope" segment with choir voices singing over a bright white graphic of the heavens, complete with sun rays and white fluffy clouds. I can't recall the title, but the overall impression I got was of a glossy pre-Oscar ad.

Shortly thereafter, this headline appeared in BIG BOLD LETTERS across the screen:


Seriously. This is what cable news has come to.



That was today's Quickie. Will you still respect me in the morning?


Cartoons of the Day- The Pope Tweets




Cartoon of the Day- The Pope Tweets




Bonus Cartoon of the Day- Pope Santorum


Yes, it sound as icky as you think but imagine "President Santorum". Via.