Archive for Mitt Romney

2014 Political Animal Awards- #Christie Big Shoes to Fill Award: WI Gov. Scott Walker

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

awards red carpet

Another guest post by the one, the only Will Durst who's having a little fun with the annual Silly Season O' Awards, aka, the ever popular "Who are you wearing?" Moments of Superficiality. We here in Hollywood-adjacent areas and elsewhere refer to these awards events as "Why do even unemployed celebrities get free swag worth thousands while the rest of us unemployed slobs get eviction notices?"

But I digress. Will Durst offers us a mostly political version as only he can:

2014 POLITICAL ANIMAL AWARDS

For all those who have spent the last couple of months shoveling out a car, you should know we’re at the tail end of awards season. And best be advised to hunker in a bunker wearing a Kevlar overcoat, because gold plated statues are being tossed about like air kisses at a gown fitting. Like clouds of bathroom hair spray during Oscar Nominee Luncheons. Like jaded eyes at a press screening of Transformers 4.

We here at Durstco are not too proud to jump eyes wide shut headfirst onto the shiny awards bandwagon with a great flying leap and sticky squid tentacle sleeves to prevent overshooting. In our dubious presentations, eligible recipients are the phony, pompous and duplicitous. Elected officials predominate but anyone in the news qualifies as a nominee.

Finally, we’d like to thank our friends and family and everybody like us and us. And all you kids out there growing up different, trying to hang onto a dream. Because without dreams, you’re like a Rottweiler without a spleen. So now, running the risk of spraining a wrist patting ourselves on the back, here they are; the 2014 Political Animal Awards.

THE WE’LL CROSS THAT BRIDGE WHEN WE COME TO IT AWARD: Chris Christie.
BEST DISAPPEARING ACT: Mitt Romney.
WORST DISAPPEARING ACT: Bill Clinton.
THE CHRIS CHRISTIE BIG SHOES TO FILL AWARD: Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker.
THE LET’S ALL HOLD HANDS AND SING KUMBAYA AWARD: US President Barack Obama.
THE LET’S NOT ALL HOLD HANDS AND SING KUMBAYA AWARD: Russian President Vladimir Putin.
THE “OH GOD NO, NOT YOU AGAIN” AWARD: Ted Nugent.
THE THINKING THROUGH HIS WRONG BRAIN AWARD: French President Francois Hollande.
THE WHY WON’T ANYONE RETURN MY CALLS AWARD: Michele Bachmann.
THE DUMBER THAN HE LOOKS AWARD: Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.
THE NOT AS DUMB AS HIS HAIR LOOKS AWARD: Donald Trump. Again.
THE GROCERY SHOPPING WITH SALMAN RUSHDIE AWARD: Edward Snowden.
THE IF HE WAS A HORSE, THEY WOULD HAVE SHOT HIM 10 YEARS AGO AWARD: Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid.
BEST MAKE OVER: The Vatican.
THE PIXIE DUST AWARD: a gift from we Baby Boomers to all the Gen Xers who start turning 50 next year.
THE WE ARE THE EVIL EMPIRE AWARD: The US Defense Department for using drone strikes on American citizens.
THE MOST EFFECTIVE SPOKESPERSON EVER FOR FAMILY PLANNING AWARD: Kim Jong Un.
PROOF THAT SOME SPECIES EAT THEIR YOUNG FOR A REASON AWARD: Justin Bieber.
THE MANNEQUINS R’ US LIFELIKE AWARD: Wresting it away from Al Gore, John Kerry.
MENSA’S SMARTEST MAN OF THE YEAR AWARD: Pussy Riot.
THE WON’T EVEN STEP FOOT IN AN OLIVE GARDEN AWARD: Amanda Knox.
BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN TECHNICOLOR: House Majority Leader John Boehner.
THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN AMERICA AWARD: For the 3rd year in a row… Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s doctor.
BEST ACTRESS: Hillary Clinton for her convincing portrayal of a woman unsure of her role in the 2016 Presidential race.
THE HEY GUYS. I’M STILL IN THE ROOM AWARD: Vice President Joe Biden.
THE YOUR FIFTEEN MINUTES WERE UP THIRTY MINUTES AGO AWARD: Anthony Weiner.
THE LEAST LIKELY TO WIN THE NAACP’S WOMAN OF THE YEAR AWARD AWARD: Megyn Kelly.
THE TED CRUZ MAN OF THE YEAR AWARD: Ted Cruz.

Will Durst is an award- winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com to find about more about his new CD, “Elect to Laugh” and calendar of personal appearances.

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

Look Who The GOP Favors In New Hampshire For 2016 Presidential Race

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

Ghostbustersw398h203

Does this sound familiar? Courtesy of elyrics.net:

If there's somethin' strange in your neighborhood
Who ya gonna call?
(Ghostbusters!)

If it's somethin' weird an' it don't look good
Who ya gonna call?
(Ghostbusters!)

I ain't afraid o' no ghost
I ain't afraid o' no ghost

Now rejigger or reconcile this with the latest findings of the Purple Strategies Poll reported by the BOSTON GLOBE on January 30, 2014:

Romney Ghost

In a hypothetical 2016 presidential field, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney would be the front-runner in the Granite State GOP primary field, with 25 percent of the vote. Behind Romney are Kentucky Senator Rand Paul, at 18 percent, then New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, at 17 percent, and former Florida governor Jeb Bush, at 13 percent.

At first I had to laugh, then I took a few minutes to digest this and think it through. Mitt's high rating might just be a result of him being a former Massachusetts governor and his familiarity in the region. Add to that his two presidential campaigns in the state in 2008 and 2012. He's spent time there and people know him. Just as they know him all across the country based on his presidential run in 2012 nationally. Whether a punchline to a joke or a Jeopardy answer, "Who blew his election on his 47% comment?", people know who you're talking about.

So what can we read from these tea leaves? In second place is Rand Paul. He's the acorn that didn't fall too far from his father's tree. If Ron Paul couldn't win over his party with some very outrageous contentions and claims, it's unlikely that the Ayn Rand-worshiping Kentucky senator will gain much national attention. Could he gain enough traction to grab the nomination from the right wing conservative or evangelical Republicans who seem to control the GOP's ultimate nomination? Highly unlikely.

Coming in third on this list with plummeting approval ratings is scandal-plagued Chris Christie. With more and more revelations about the New Jersey governor's leadership coming out daily, his chances are fleeting. Either you believe his associates were wreaking havoc without his knowledge which makes him a poor executive or he was actively involved in the scandal, which isn't the quality a party looks for in it's standard bearer. Day by day, the likelihood of a successful Christie run are diminishing.

Then with roughly half the popularity of Romney you find Jeb Bush. He's been out of politics long enough that he can hope that people have forgotten that he's one of "those" Bushes. The big problem for Jeb is he's just a wishy-washy guy. He came out with a book where he proclaims he's all for a pathway to citizenship for undocumented residents and then he does the famous flip-flop and denies that stand despite it being printed in his book. He has nothing but family name to run on and I'm not sure the Republicans are ready to want to defend another Bush presidency. He'll be running away from his family's disastrous tenures in office. It just doesn't seem to be logical, but these are the Republicans I'm writing about. Logic is far down the road of qualifications for doing or saying anything.

So that leaves the hind titty. Those are Sen. Rubio, Gov. Walker, Sen. Cruz and... that's just it. There doesn't seem to be an 'and'.

What makes this most interesting is that New Hampshire is very important -- it's the first presidential primary in the nation . It follows closely on the heels of the Iowa caucuses. Not to cast aspersions on Iowa, but that's a bought and paid for caucus state. It's hardly a bellwether predictor of the ultimate winner of the nomination. Yet New Hampshire has had some success as a forecaster. Romney won there in 2012 and he ended up with his party's nomination. In 2008 McCain won and went on to get the nod. 

Will Mitt make another run for President? He's just rich enough and foolish enough to think he could win this time, "third time's the charm."

So while the Republican party, the party that took four different responses to President Obama's State of the Union speech, continues being a fractured party, there is one constant that they might unite behind. He'll be a bit more conservative this time around, and he's seasoned enough for those GOP voters to consider him viable. He's got the name and face recognition. And he's already putting out feelers. Just last week he was on Jimmy Fallon slow jammin' the news. He wasn't doing that because he loves Jimmy Fallon (or even knew what slow jammin' meant). He's just positioning himself. He's meeting with big investors. He's giving interviews. And his new documentary "Mitt" was just released on Netflix. It was the attempt to make him appear human. I saw it. And surprisingly, it does.

He's ready, willing and able. He's got the infrastructure from the last campaign. And it may just turn out that he gets his third try at the POTUS brass ring. Just sayin'...

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

Video Overnight Thread- Whitest White Man Ever Romney Tries To Dance "Gangnam Style"

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

Um, painful. Via TPM.

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

The meaning of the name Kieran Romney

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

name tag

While I was away on my teensy weensy little San Francisco holiday vacay, a few stories broke that I'm only just now catching up on.

One that apparently got a lot of buzz ended with MSNBC host Melissa Harris-Perry tearfully apologizing for a "Year in Review" segment on her weekend show. It featured panelists offering "off the cuff" verbal captions to newsworthy photos, including quips about a Romney family portrait showing Mitt holding his adopted black grandson, Kieran Romney.

Here is video of Nerdland playing "Caption That":

And here is Melissa Harris-Perry's heartfelt apology:

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Here is what a top Romney adviser had to say:

tweet romney adviser on Kieran Melissa Harris-Perry apologyLink

While I was reading up on this story, I noticed a comment on one site that referred to the meaning of the name "Kieran." The commenter wondered, during all the uproar, why nobody had bothered to look it up:

Kieran Romney name meaningLink

Were the Romneys aware of the meaning of the name Kieran? Should the MHP Show have been? Is it relevant? Your thoughts?

UPDATE: I'm told by one of my Twitter followers that the MHP show discussed (and marveled at) the name and its meaning months ago.

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

Thanksgiving 2013: A political comic's list of thank-yous

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

thanksgiving animated gif

Today’s guest post by the one, the only, Will Durst:

THANKSGIVING 2013

Ahh. Thanksgiving. Best Holiday Ever! Love it all. The fact that a national holiday falls not on a Monday but a Thursday. How wacky is that? A regular Thursday in dead solid center fall. Where the weather could be 80 and sunny or 20 and snowing. Or, in certain parts of the Midwest, both.

Love the fact that its all about food, family, friends and football. 4 of the 5 Fs. Remain seriously amused by the winking obsessive conspiracy that binds an entire nation together concerning the specifics of the ritual burning of a large flightless bird. Free range. Brine. Air chill. To stuff or not to stuff. Seriously, is that the question?

You’d have to be a third stage tertiary Grinch not to love a parade featuring 80-foot helium filled balloons. Snoopy bouncing off a light pole. Ending with the season’s first appearance of the corpulent bearded one in the scarlet suit.

Don’t forget the silly creeping madness of Black Friday, which now begins early Thursday and threatens to encompass the entire week. People camping out for days. To save, what… six bucks? But for those tented hours, they are adventurous pioneers. Marvel Super Consumers.

And love the way that though this pageant of greed and gluttony lasts 4 whole days, when all is said and done, even amidst the drunken family brawling, sometimes moments for reflection can still be found. And you can bet that this round- headed political comic has much to be thankful for. Among them being:

--The 113th Congress, which has the unique ability to make hysterical lunacy seem so ordinary.
--Barack Obama for finally making the Presidency mock-worthy again.
--Sarah Palin who refuses to shut up no matter how tightly irrelevancy embraces her.
--Vice President Joe Biden for gaining immeasurable respect just by shutting up.
--The Cheney family who apparently feel about each other the same way the rest of us do.
--Ted Cruz for not only grabbing the national right- wing nut job baton from Michele Bachmann but waving it high.
--Pope Benedict for his inability to hide a scowl whenever Pope Francis does… anything.
--Chris Christie for so generously providing such a large target rich environment.
--The Tea Party for waving their arms in the air like they just don’t care.
--Alec Baldwin for truly embodying the phrase… “he who lives by the sword, dies swallowing the sword.”
--Mitt Romney for disappearing so completely, we’re left to wonder if he really ever existed at all.
--John Boehner, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and Mitch McConnell for their strict adherence to the musical advice, “don’t go changing.”
--ObamaCare because who can’t appreciate a website rollout that “could have gone smoother.” An anvil studded with titanium spikes could have rolled smoother.
--Walter White for altering the calculus of what it means to go out on your own terms.
--The NRA and the NSA for just being themselves.
--Anthony Weiner for his series of continuing comebacks. May he experience many more.
--Rob Ford for proving that California is not the source of all political wackiness in the world.
--The GOP, waging an internal war for it’s very soul. GOP Soul. Short book. Put it on the shelf right next to Barack Obama Leadership Skills. Paula Deen at the Apollo.
--Vladimir Putin for proving that Toronto is not the source of all political wackiness in the world.

Will Durst’s new one- man show “BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG” in its final 3 Tuesdays at the Marsh. San Francisco. Through December 17th. themarsh.org Or willdurst.com to find his calendar.
FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

VIDEO: As Americans struggle, Mitt Romney gets a "lift"

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

timing is everything smaller

Poor Willard Romney! He needs a lift... and he got one:

(CNN) – Former Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney cleared a final hurdle Friday in building a new house in California, a house that will include a four-car garage with an elevator for the vehicles.

Of course, Mitt is allowed to spend his zillions any way he wants. We all make our own choices (well, except when conservatives make laws preventing them).

But timing is everything, and this story is being reported at the worst possible moment. What's the phrase that the pundits love to use? Oh yes. Bad optics:

romney car elevator dog via Democratic Underground

So, Willard, how's that GOP government shutdown workin' for ya? Oh that's right, you're invincible.

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

"I've heard all the stories from the GOP that I can stand. Who can forget 'mission accomplished'... the 47%?"

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

gop fail 3

Today's Los Angeles Times letter to the editor, because our voices matter:

Re "How to build a better GOP," Opinion, Sept. 3

The GOP needs to tell better stories?

As a registered independent, I've heard all the stories from the GOP that I can stand. Who can forget "mission accomplished"? Mitt Romney had a great story to tell about the 47%. I can't recall the third story Rick Perry told during a debate for his party's nomination. And now Rand Paul has a fabulous story of how Syrian President Bashar Assad protects Christians.

Not once does Jonah Goldberg mention Abraham Lincoln and his story about inclusiveness. Talk about "adamantine convictions."

Frank Poynton

Van Nuys

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare