The male members in Congress and the Senate are breathing a collective sigh of relief this morning -- at least temporarily. It seems there's a lesson to be learned in a fast breaking story out of Moscow. No, it's not about the Russian movement into the Ukraine. And it's not about a short supply of Stolichnya Vodka. It's about genital governing.
According to the Moscow Times, the newest test to see if you're capable of being held responsible as an adult in Russia is the size of your "man package." Yes, stop your tittering, I'm talking about your balls, your rocks, your nuts. The new test in Russia being used to determined if a man is of "age" is to have his testicles examined to see if they're big enough. I suppose this is an alternative to carbon dating -- or a birth certificate, but those Russians may really be onto something. At least those wimps in Congress hope so. It shrinks down to this, if you don't pack big enough "stones," you're not responsible as an adult. The Moscow Times:
(NEWSER) – In Russia's criminal justice system, size matters. And unfortunately, that means exactly what you think it means. A poor lad named Tomas discovered this after he moved from Ukraine to Moscow to live with his aunt and was soon accused of stealing a cell phone, reports UPI. The kid claims to be 13, but a skeptical court ordered a physical exam that included a look at his private parts. Doctors then estimated his age to be 16 or 17. The distinction matters, because the courts can now treat him as an adult, explains the Moscow Times. A judge promptly threw Tomas in jail.
When this story broke, John Boehner and Mitch McConnell sent out congratulatory memos expressing relief to the members of their caucuses because collectively they don't have the balls of a mosquito when it comes to governing. And using the "Tiny Balls" defense, they can now freely get away with continuing to do nothing in Congress and not being held responsible. Maybe even use that as a re-election slogan: "Re-elect me. I'm a proud member of the small nuts society." I know Lindsay Graham is in the running for chairman of that very committee.