Archive for michele bachmann

Michele Bachmann - Jewish Icon Or Jewish I-Con't?

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Jewish Michele Bachmann

Well, to hear the representative from Minnesota's sixth congressional district, she's fighting the battle for Jews all over the world -- almost single-handedly.  HuffPo:

U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) has very strong feelings about Israel, and she's disappointed that American Jews don't have the same feelings she does.

In a Monday interview with Family Research Council President Tony Perkins, Bachmann chastised American Jewish organizations for backing off stronger sanctions against Iran over its nuclear weapons program.

As a person of the Jewish faith, I have to say how reassuring it is that Bachmann's got my back. Here's a yenta of staunch beliefs and she's going to see to it that the Jewish state of Israel is protected in accordance with her wishes. And what's tops on her kvetch list? Get the US into a war with Iran.

How do I know? Well, for starters she's tackling the same people she pretends to be protecting. This shiksa thinks she knows better than the luntsmen and their yiddisher kops (Jewish thinking).  She criticizes the people who support Obama -- which statistically happen to include an overwhelming majority of Jewish voters. Obama, in 2012 received over 70% of the Jewish vote -- that's a big shtetl (community). Though Israel's importance to us is huge military and symbolic, not so much so for the political ramifications of their politics here. Hawk Bibi Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel is working from a damaged reputation and is seen as a has-been, not the will-be.

Facts are facts. If you're a progressive Jew, you're a Democrat. If you're a wealthy Jew, you're a Republican party member who behind the voting booth curtain votes Democratic.  And if you're a poor Jew, you lie and tell everyone you're really a rich Jew, just waiting for a check to come in.

J Street, a pro-peace lobbying group, commissioned a poll last year which found that just 10 percent of Jewish American voters identified Israel as one of their top voting issue priorities. Jobs, immigration, unemployment, education, women's reproductive rights, race relations, the economy and  healthcare all rank higher.

"What has been shocking has been seeing and observing Jewish organizations who it appears have made it their priority to support the political priority and the political ambitions of the President over the best interests of Israel," Bachmann added. "So in some respects, they sold out Israel."

The Jewish community she refers to, voted for Obama because they value world peace higher than Bachmann's need to start or promote a war. If that's selling out, count me in. She's a neo-con like Lindsay Graham and John McCain -- never having seen a war that she didn't like. She may be through as a representative after the elections in November, but it won't be soon enough for those of us who look for peaceful solutions to difficult situations.

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2014 Political Animal Awards- #Christie Big Shoes to Fill Award: WI Gov. Scott Walker

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awards red carpet

Another guest post by the one, the only Will Durst who's having a little fun with the annual Silly Season O' Awards, aka, the ever popular "Who are you wearing?" Moments of Superficiality. We here in Hollywood-adjacent areas and elsewhere refer to these awards events as "Why do even unemployed celebrities get free swag worth thousands while the rest of us unemployed slobs get eviction notices?"

But I digress. Will Durst offers us a mostly political version as only he can:

2014 POLITICAL ANIMAL AWARDS

For all those who have spent the last couple of months shoveling out a car, you should know we’re at the tail end of awards season. And best be advised to hunker in a bunker wearing a Kevlar overcoat, because gold plated statues are being tossed about like air kisses at a gown fitting. Like clouds of bathroom hair spray during Oscar Nominee Luncheons. Like jaded eyes at a press screening of Transformers 4.

We here at Durstco are not too proud to jump eyes wide shut headfirst onto the shiny awards bandwagon with a great flying leap and sticky squid tentacle sleeves to prevent overshooting. In our dubious presentations, eligible recipients are the phony, pompous and duplicitous. Elected officials predominate but anyone in the news qualifies as a nominee.

Finally, we’d like to thank our friends and family and everybody like us and us. And all you kids out there growing up different, trying to hang onto a dream. Because without dreams, you’re like a Rottweiler without a spleen. So now, running the risk of spraining a wrist patting ourselves on the back, here they are; the 2014 Political Animal Awards.

THE WE’LL CROSS THAT BRIDGE WHEN WE COME TO IT AWARD: Chris Christie.
BEST DISAPPEARING ACT: Mitt Romney.
WORST DISAPPEARING ACT: Bill Clinton.
THE CHRIS CHRISTIE BIG SHOES TO FILL AWARD: Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker.
THE LET’S ALL HOLD HANDS AND SING KUMBAYA AWARD: US President Barack Obama.
THE LET’S NOT ALL HOLD HANDS AND SING KUMBAYA AWARD: Russian President Vladimir Putin.
THE “OH GOD NO, NOT YOU AGAIN” AWARD: Ted Nugent.
THE THINKING THROUGH HIS WRONG BRAIN AWARD: French President Francois Hollande.
THE WHY WON’T ANYONE RETURN MY CALLS AWARD: Michele Bachmann.
THE DUMBER THAN HE LOOKS AWARD: Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.
THE NOT AS DUMB AS HIS HAIR LOOKS AWARD: Donald Trump. Again.
THE GROCERY SHOPPING WITH SALMAN RUSHDIE AWARD: Edward Snowden.
THE IF HE WAS A HORSE, THEY WOULD HAVE SHOT HIM 10 YEARS AGO AWARD: Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid.
BEST MAKE OVER: The Vatican.
THE PIXIE DUST AWARD: a gift from we Baby Boomers to all the Gen Xers who start turning 50 next year.
THE WE ARE THE EVIL EMPIRE AWARD: The US Defense Department for using drone strikes on American citizens.
THE MOST EFFECTIVE SPOKESPERSON EVER FOR FAMILY PLANNING AWARD: Kim Jong Un.
PROOF THAT SOME SPECIES EAT THEIR YOUNG FOR A REASON AWARD: Justin Bieber.
THE MANNEQUINS R’ US LIFELIKE AWARD: Wresting it away from Al Gore, John Kerry.
MENSA’S SMARTEST MAN OF THE YEAR AWARD: Pussy Riot.
THE WON’T EVEN STEP FOOT IN AN OLIVE GARDEN AWARD: Amanda Knox.
BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN TECHNICOLOR: House Majority Leader John Boehner.
THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN AMERICA AWARD: For the 3rd year in a row… Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s doctor.
BEST ACTRESS: Hillary Clinton for her convincing portrayal of a woman unsure of her role in the 2016 Presidential race.
THE HEY GUYS. I’M STILL IN THE ROOM AWARD: Vice President Joe Biden.
THE YOUR FIFTEEN MINUTES WERE UP THIRTY MINUTES AGO AWARD: Anthony Weiner.
THE LEAST LIKELY TO WIN THE NAACP’S WOMAN OF THE YEAR AWARD AWARD: Megyn Kelly.
THE TED CRUZ MAN OF THE YEAR AWARD: Ted Cruz.

Will Durst is an award- winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com to find about more about his new CD, “Elect to Laugh” and calendar of personal appearances.

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Gohmert and Bachmann - Stupid and Stupider?

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dumb

Dumb and Dumber was already taken.

You have to hand it to Louis Gohmert. Just when you thought he couldn't be any more out of his mind, he takes another giant leap into the land of ignorance.

He spoke on Friday at the Values Voter Summit, the tea-party group where Rafael Cruz spoke as well. After Cruz got heckled and boo'd, Gohmert took the stage. They say performers hate to  follow kids or animals because it's hard to rise above that empathy. Well, following Cruz was a challenge. But Louis was up to it.

His angle wasn't to take on Obama. Cruz did that already. He was going to take on a pillar of his own party -- the stalwart of patriotism himself, John McCain.

Yes, that John McCain. The man who is known as a war hero, a former presidential standard bearer for the GOP AND the man who made Sarah Palin a household name. According to Gohmert, 'that' John McCain is an Al Qaeda ally and supporter.

Here's Stupid, as reported by TPM:

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) described Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) as a guy that supported al Qaeda.

"I heard just before I came, some senator from Arizona, a guy that liked Gaddafi before he wanted to bomb him," Gohmert said. "A guy that's been to Syria and supported al Qaeda and the rebels. But he was saying today the shutdown has been a fools' errand. And I agree with him, the president and Harry Reid should not have shut this government down."

For perspective, Gohmert was referring to McCain's visit to northern Syria. During the official visit, according to McClatchy, the rebels escorting McCain were fighting fighters that supported al Qaeda.

Louis, I'll attempt to put it into terms even you'll understand... The enemy of my enemy is my friend. Oh, forget it, Louis, you're too stupid to understand.

Okay, while digesting that, look who came up next to speak to the stunned and amazed crowd... none other than Michele 'Nutcase' Bachmann. Catch this from Stupider, speaking on the Affordable Care Act and reported by MEDIAite:

“This egregious system, that will ultimately be known as ‘Deathcare’ must be defeated,” Bachmann declared. During the speech she set up a dichotomy of “police state,” symbolized by the shuttered World War II memorial during the government shutdown vs. “Constitutional republic,” represented by conservatives like her who fought to reopen it, only after directly causing the shutdown in the first place.

“When the federal government controls your health care,” Bachmann said, “they literally control life and death.” She called on conservatives to demand that President Obama “allow Obamacare to be voluntary for every American,” a move he already has said he would refuse because it would undermine the basic ability of the law to bring down insurance costs.

Well, this was some conference. The Cracker Jacks were a buck a bag, but the nuts were free.

While I hope I have your attention, thank you, Michele B., I'd like to remind you that we here at the Political Carnival are having our fundraising drive. I hope you'll take advantage of the link below to allow this site to continue chugging along.  As Laffy and Paddy say, "Without you, there would be no us." Thanks.



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AUDIO: Michele Bachmann is twerk-free!

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bachmann snl twerk miley cyrus

A few days ago, Paddy posted Video- SNL: We Did Stop (The Government), a strangely entertaining little parody starring "John Boehner" and "Michele Bachmann" (as played by tongue enthusiast Miley Cyrus). They spoofed the GOP shutdown with their version of “We Can’t Stop."

The "real" Michele Bachmann commented about all that and more in a conference call on a conservative talk show hosted by Rusty Humphries. After going into her usual "impeach President Obama" routine, she responded to the SNL sketch.

Via Right Wing Watch:

...Rep. Michele Bachmann of Minnesota suggested that the House hold hearings on impeaching the president. Bachmann said that “impeachment is the stain” on the presidency and “We can have an impeachment hearing in the House and in my mind the President has committed impeachable offenses.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever so anyway blah blah blah...

Bachmann:

“You know, I have a good sense of humor and I never take that personally."

"...The Monday after Saturday Night Live aired, we had a lot of calls in the office, and we had people thought that actually was me in the skit. And let me tell you, as a 57-year-old woman, it’s been a long time since I’ve been confused for a 20 year old.”

“I’ve never done twerking in my life and I don’t intend to take it up.”

Twerk-Free Bachmann? I never thought I'd say these two words to 'Chele, but here I go: Thank you.

H/t: My pal @Anomaly100 at FreakOutNation

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Video- SNL: We Did Stop (The Government)

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SNLMilesCyrusShutdown2

I'm thinking this Boehner is kinda hot... Via Scarce.

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Video- Michele Bachmann to Hannity: ‘This Is About the Happiest’ GOP Has Been in a While

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Proof positive that they're huge freaking liars. Via.

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Add A Pinch Of Salt And You’ve Got Whack-A-Doodle Stew

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King Bachmann Gohmert

Here’s what you get when you send fertilizer over to Egypt and expect the results to be anything less explosive than the Oklahoma City/Timothy McVeigh car bomb.

Tea party experts on diplomacy and foreign affairs, stalwarts Michele Bachmann, Louie Gohmert and Steve King spent this past weekend in Egypt thanking the country’s military for overthrowing their elected government. Rumor has it that their real purpose in going there was to get tips on how to overthrow a government because they have plans to do that here in the states.

When it came time to demonstrate this troika’s understanding of the unrest in Eqypt, they began what can best be described as a Saturday Night Live sketch.  Oh, this is priceless. During the threesome’s speeches, they constantly blamed the Muslim Brotherhood for the 9/11 attacks in the U.S.

RAW STORY:

“We have seen the threat that the Muslim Brotherhood has posed here for the people in Egypt. We have seen the threat that the Muslim Brotherhood has posed around the world. We stand against this great evil. We are not for them. We remember who caused 9/11 in America. We remember who it was that killed 3,000 brave Americans. We have not forgotten.”

So much for our Tea party knuckleheads’ understanding of the actual 9/11 details:

In fact, the 9/11 Commission determined that Osama bin Laden and his Al-Qaeda terrorist network were responsible for orchestrating the attacks on Sept. 11, 2001 (not the Muslim Brotherhood). Following the attack, the Muslim Brotherhood “strongly condemned” the action.

Deposed Egyptian President Mohamed Morsi, who was a top Muslim Brotherhood leader at the time of the attacks, called them “a wrong act which we denounce regardless of its doer.”

So this blathering trio, los tres amigos de locura (insanity) continued their road show, gaff after gaff. They hardly got a fact right. What they were doing in Egypt is anyone's guess. A pending war action in Syria, a total failure by President Obama's official emissaries John McCain and Lindsey Graham 10 days earlier that then these "saviors" pop up, to add to the hijinx.

Lorne Michaels once used a Sarah Palin speech, word for word, as an opening for SNL. It was delivered by Tina Fey. It brought down the house. And when the real Sarah Palin then stepped on the stage, the roar could be heard around the world. You have to hand it to Sarah, she knew she was a joke and was a good sport about it.

Here’s the next verbatim sketch from the comic geniuses at SNL:  Bachmann, Gohmert, and King face the people of Egypt. You'll fight to keep a straight face.

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