Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
Vice President BIDEN said this week that the U.S. is considering sending troops to Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania. It's bad enough that PUTIN took over the Crimea. We don't want to wake up one morning and find out that "Russia has us by the Baltics."
PUTIN'S approval rating has actually gone up 10 percent since he sent troops into the Crimea. When he heard, PRESIDENT OBAMA just shrugged and ordered troops to invade Canada.
VLADIMIR PUTIN signed a treaty that formally absorbs Crimea into the Russian Federation. I'm so frustrated. Just when I found out where the Crimea was, it's gone.
PUTIN said he can do this because of a little known rule in the U.N. Security Council. It is Article 5, section 3, clause 12 that states, "Finders keepers."
"March Madness" has tipped off this week and PRESIDENT OBAMA picked Florida, Arizona, Louisville and Michigan State to make it to the final four, with Michigan State beating Louisville to win the tournament. In response, VLADIMIR PUTIN started moving troops into Gonzaga.
Surprisingly, "March Madness" isn't that big a deal with CHARLIE SHEEN. Maybe it's because he'll have "April Madness," "May Madness"... and it'll go on right to the end of the year.
Two million people turned out for New York City's annual St. Patrick's Day Parade and at least half of them had been drinking since dawn. It's the one parade where the horses are the ones who have to watch where they step.
KOBE BRYANT told ESPN that he thinks even PRESIDENT OBAMA could make the Lakers' roster this year. He runs well, we've all seen him as a candidate. He's a straight shooter. too straight when it comes to negotiating with Republicans. Only one problem, he can't seem to pass anything.
Republican National Committee Chairman REINCE PRIEBUS said that the 2014 midterms will be a victory for Republicans thanks to Obamacare. Coincidentally, the name, REINCE PRIEBUS, sounds like something that can be cured with penicillin and is probably covered under Obamacare.
Tax season is once again upon us. It's a time when the government "OF the people, FOR the people and BY the people," stick it "TO the people."
Between the Federal, State and City my income has been taxed so often it has stretch marks.
This year I don't have to use H&R BLOCK because I'm H&R Broke.
It's also that time of the year, Spring Break time, when thousands of students will be heading to beaches and resorts to drink, do drugs and have sex. It's the only time in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida when condoms out sell "Depends."
Then they'll return to school and it's back to the same old grind - To drink, do drugs and have sex.
Los Angeles had an earthquake this week that registered 4.4 on the Richter Scale. To refresh everyone on the meaning of Richter Scale numbers. 3.2 means you'll need to get new glassware, 4.7 you'll need new cups and saucers and an 8.6 means you'll need to get new underwear.