Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
A professor from U.C. Berkeley said we are on track for having the worst drought in 500 years. Which explains why LARRY KING was overheard saying, "This again?"
Because of this terrible water shortage, in Woodland Hills two trees were seen chasing a dog.
Things are so dry, the Red Cross isn't asking for blood, but they've sent out an urgent appeal for SALIVA donors.
A minister in El Monte has been reduced to baptizing parishioners with Gatorade.
It's so dry, people are no longer getting water on the knee -- Just dust.
Officials are concerned that the young folks in Los Angeles are not doing anything about the drought. Of course, that will change next week when they announce that the water shortage is killing all the marijuana crops.
45 years ago this week we did a fantastic thing, we put a man on the moon and the entire nation was ecstatic. Things are a little different nowadays. Today a big deal for us is we combined the "croissant" and the "doughnut" and came up with the "Cronut."
Everybody remembers what NEIL ARMSTRONG said that day when he first set foot on the surface of the moon. "One small step for man. One giant leap for mankind." But only two people know what he said just BEFORE he left the capsule. "Out of my way, Buzz!"
Also celebrating it's 45th year is the classic radio show, "Prairie Home Companion." It's host GARRISON KEILLOR is so "folksy" and "down home" after listening to him I always have the irresistible urge to clean off the bottom of my shoes.
Speaking of celebrations -- Happy birthday to England's PRINCE GEORGE who turned one year old this week. Some day his mother hopes to see him sitting on the throne, but right now she has to settle for him still using diapers.
At his birthday party everyone loved the clown with the oversize feet. The LITTLE PRINCE got a bigger kick out of seeing GRANDPA CHARLES with the oversize ears.
A wave of heat has scorched California, melting temperature records that stood for decades. In Beverly Hills it was so hot, GEORGE HAMILTON was seen putting on sun screen.
Kids at Zuma Beach-Malibu were building sand castles with oven mitts.
The hookers on Hollywood Blvd. are wearing iced thongs.
It was so hot, reporters were asking SEN. JOHN McCAIN to explain his foreign policy concerning Russia, Ukraine and the Middle East -- just to give them the chills.
The whole state was sweating. Now we know how former GOV. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER felt when he had to say the word, "Gubernatorial."
A 105-year-old women in San Diego threw out the first pitch in a baseball game. Her claim to fame is she's still active at her age and also, she's the only woman who slept with both ALEX RODRIGUEZ and BABE RUTH.