Archive for humor

Time for Another Stand-Up Political Comedy Blog

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laughing knee slapper political comedy

"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!

Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.

For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts,  too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.

A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:

A professor from U.C. Berkeley said we are on track for having the worst drought in 500 years. Which explains why LARRY KING was overheard saying, "This again?"

Because of this terrible water shortage, in Woodland Hills two trees were seen chasing a dog.

Things are so dry, the Red Cross isn't asking for blood, but they've sent out an urgent appeal for SALIVA donors.

A minister in El Monte has been reduced to baptizing parishioners with Gatorade.

It's so dry, people are no longer getting water on the knee -- Just dust.

Officials are concerned that the young folks in Los Angeles are not doing anything about the drought. Of course, that will change next week when they announce that the water shortage is killing all the marijuana crops.

45 years ago this week we did a fantastic thing, we put a man on the moon and the entire nation was ecstatic. Things are a little different nowadays. Today a big deal for us is we combined the "croissant" and the "doughnut" and came up with the "Cronut."

Everybody remembers what NEIL ARMSTRONG said that day when he first set foot on the surface of the moon. "One small step for man. One giant leap for mankind." But only two people know what he said just BEFORE he left the capsule. "Out of my way, Buzz!"

Also celebrating it's 45th year is the classic radio show, "Prairie Home Companion." It's host GARRISON KEILLOR is so "folksy" and "down home" after listening to him I always have the irresistible urge to clean off the bottom of my shoes.

Speaking of celebrations -- Happy birthday to England's PRINCE GEORGE who turned one year old this week. Some day his mother hopes to see him sitting on the throne, but right now she has to settle for him still using diapers.

At his birthday party everyone loved the clown with the oversize feet. The LITTLE PRINCE got a bigger kick out of seeing GRANDPA CHARLES with the oversize ears.

A wave of heat has scorched California, melting temperature records that stood for decades. In Beverly Hills it was so hot, GEORGE HAMILTON was seen putting on sun screen.

Kids at Zuma Beach-Malibu were building sand castles with oven mitts.

The hookers on Hollywood Blvd. are wearing iced thongs.

It was so hot, reporters were asking SEN. JOHN McCAIN to explain his foreign policy concerning Russia, Ukraine and the Middle East -- just to give them the chills.

The whole state was sweating. Now we know how former GOV. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER felt when he had to say the word, "Gubernatorial."

A 105-year-old women in San Diego threw out the first pitch in a baseball game. Her claim to fame is she's still active at her age and also, she's the only woman who slept with both ALEX RODRIGUEZ and BABE RUTH.

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Nancy Of the Neighborhood, the Pelosi Political Girlhood in Baltimore

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femfist

Thomas Roberts had a in-depth and finely-accessed interview with former [and furure] House Speaker Nancy Pelosi in all kinds of forms, Tuesday.

Here are just a couple. With a documentarian for a daughter, and being 'on camera' for so much of her modern life, Pelosi may be loosening up on the cam cam confessional moments. And she hit Colbert in the NYC also. Too.

Those unguarded glimpses are rare, like the elusive and/or mythical palimpsest, hidden text, of medieval and magical manuscript repute … and they offer one quite a different angle on the woman who reached the highest seat in the American political system yet via her Speaker Chair.

way

One down, two to go.

Roberts started his footage reveal on Way Too Early, we've already established that I adore Thomas, but Mika rubs me the wrong way five days a week. Then on to MJ.

At the end of the media experience, back at the Morning Joe Schmoe (blessedly absent) table, Roberts in real time in the 7:30 a.m. block asked Rep. Pelosi a phenomenal question about the problems at The Borders, in the wake of the news that Rick Perry is sending in the National Guard, Yee Haw, down in Texass.

Halperin pitched the political softballs. P-pew p-pew. Methinks the Speaker also too played softball in high school. In Baltimore.

The video footage that shows her softer side, walking around the old Charm City neighborhoods, are very illuminating. To think of Pelosi as one of those white be-gloved, fifties, early Mad Men Era 'political daughters' ... it's eye-popping. You also see strong Italian and Irish women in there, so it all makes perfect Lady Sense.

For fun and extra insights, Pelosi on Stephen Colbert last night, good timing.

Part 2.

Only Colbert gets those questions to land!

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Time for Another Stand-Up Political Comedy Blog

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laughter lol roflmao comedy jokes

"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!

Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His comedy blog posts range from political to humorous commentary on pop culture.

For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts,  too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.

A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:

Congratulations to Germany! They have now won 4 World Cup Soccer Championships. But they are still O for 2 in World Wars.

The former POPE, BENEDICT XLI, from Germany and the present POPE, FRANCIS, from Argentina got together at the Vatican last weekend and watched the World Cup final. What a sight. Two POPES praying for their home team to win as they bless the pizza.

POPE FRANCIS is very progressive. Now he's thinking about doing away with celibacy for priests. What's next, "Real Housewives of the Vatican?"

At baseball's All Star Game's Home Run Derby, Oakland's YOENIS CESPEDES won a second straight title by smashing a ball 490 feet on the fly. Unfortunately, the fly was on a guy selling peanuts in the center field bleachers. The poor man still suffers from "Jock Shock."

Speaking of sports. After last week's exciting final match at Wimbledon a new poet laureate was proclaimed. Maybe you've heard of him? -- ALFRED LORD TENNIS-ANYONE.

The border crisis continues and a poll shows the majority of Americans disapprove of how PRESIDENT OBAMA is dealing with immigration. Of course, those numbers could change if we let enough people into the country.

While he was in Cuba last weekend, VLADIMIR PUTIN met with FIDEL CASTRO and promised to revive Cuba's oil industry. Then to seal the bargain. he also promised to fix that other thing that always needs reviving, FIDEL CASTRO.

New Jersey GOV. CHRIS CHRISTIE was in Iowa campaigning at a big cookout. That was like our version of Spain's "Running of the Bulls." Do not get between the Governor and the potato salad.

People who saw the new "Planet of the Apes" movie in 3-D say it's so realistic. After the show, in the front of the theater, they couldn't get three people out of the tree.

Yes, the "Planet of the Apes" is more fun than a barrel of people.

It was raining in New York City almost every day last week and real estate people were making a fortune. The whole city is now beach-front property.

The Statue Of Liberty is wearing galoshes and instead of a torch she's carrying an umbrella.

O.J. celebrated his 67th birthday with some friends in prison. They had a nice little party and out of habit after he cut the cake O.J. hid the knife.

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Jon Stewart Takes It Straight to Hillary: Are you running or not, Lady??

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Well, the pundits are giving former Secretary Hillary Clinton a good grade on her Daily Show with Jon Stewart performance, so that means the polls are in … and, she, of course, course-corrected some previously inartfully stated statements.

For the progressivess who perhaps feel a wee bit … stuck ... with Hillary as a more hawkish candidate when who we really really really really want in that seat is the popular and authentically populist Elizabeth Warren … was this helpful?

Warren, by the way, isn't going to Australia or anything as far as we know, and is kicking ass for other female candidates - and not necessarily those who agree with her or vice versa on every little detail like clean coal. Women are truly excellent at this consensus for the greater good business.

Girls

How astonishingly honest. We might agree with a candidate 80% of the way, and use the 20% discomfort margin of differences to work pulling them hard to the Left. It's genius. Why haven't Democrats happened onto this 'fall in line' strategy before?

You'll find a lot of answers in the Stewart interview. It pretty much pins HRC in position to run, like an ether-woozy Luna moth, with a fetching enough laugh, about to be on semi-permanent display in a largely stationary exhibition spot.

"Do you prefer a home office, or are you happy with a commute? What shape would you prefer that office to be? Are corners of interest?" {paraphrasey} Now these are the questions we wanted answered!

Meanwhile, Fvx Nation has cranked their Hysteria Periscope to the interview and are certain it contains clues to Clinton's inevitable impending doom, it's only a matter of time before Karl Rove is pinning a deputy badge on Dick Morris's puffed-out-chest and calling for a Recall.
hrcTDS

The Morning Joe Schmoe Roundtable was grudgingly enthused. About the PAC monies.


November is a whisper away.

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Overnight: Lauren Mayer: Beyonce Voters

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Lauren Mayer Beyonce


Lauren Mayer is a singer/songwriter/pianist who writes comedy songs about everything from Supreme Court decisions to the Kardashians. She proudly supports leftist causes including equal pay, reproductive choice, fair minimum wage, addressing climate change, and marriage equality.
Note: Lauren's CD is now available!! Hear clips or purchase CD/downloads at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/laurenmayer8. It is also on iTunes and will soon be on Amazon!

from YouTube:

According to Fox & the GOP, "All The Single Ladies" are dependent, helpless trollops . . .

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Time for Another Stand-Up Political Comedy Blog

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comedy blog laugh jokes

"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!

Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.

For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts,  too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.

A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:

There was a huge blowout at the World Cup semi-finals when Germany beat Brazil 7-1. Then it was on to Poland, Austria, and Czechoslovakia.

People in Brazil were so upset by the loss they partied only until 3 in the morning.

Now Argentina, after beating Holland in the World Cup semi-finals, is playing Germany for the championship -- Old Nazis don't know who to root for.

Thousands of children from Guatemala, El Salvador and Honduras are crossing our border looking for a safe home, prompting ANGELINA JOLIE to go down there. But when she heard there were 53,000 of them she assured husband, BRAD PITT, "Don't worry. I'm just window shopping."

According to "British Petroleum," the earth will run out of oil in 53 years. Luckily, thanks to BP, the ocean will still have plenty.

A new study tells us that the largest producer of oil is now the United States. You know what that means? Any day now we'll be invading ourselves.

The defense rested in the infamous "Oscar Pistorius Murder Trial" and PISTORIUS finally admitted; "When I killed my girlfriend I was hopping mad."

Big doings in Cleveland. The 2016 Republican National Convention is going to be held there and LeBRON JAMES is leaving the "Miami Heat" and going back to playing basketball for the "Cleveland Cavaliers." The city can expect debates, speeches and bitter, nasty, vitriolic name-calling. That's during the convention. You should hear what they'll be saying when the "Cavas" play Miami.

NEWT GINGRICH has already put in his bid for an invitation, but he wants a better seat than the one he had at the last GOP Convention. He could see all right, but he could only hear as long as he didn't flush too loud.

An 81-year-old woman in the U.K. went sky diving to help raise money for a local hospital. They didn't raise a lot of money, but they did get a new patient.

Discovery Channel's "Naked And Afraid" has been on all month and on last week's show the couple stranded on the island were so hungry, tired and bedraggled, the tide went out -- and refused to come back.

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Time for Another Stand Up Political Comedy Blog

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stand up jokes comedy laugh

"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!

Yes, it's time for another stand up comedy blog in which I steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.

For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts,  too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.

A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:

Friday was the 4th of July. A day we celebrate our 238th year of independence from Great Britain and our 10th year of dependence on the Chinese.

It is also a day when JOEY CHESTNUT is once again the Hot Dog Eating Contest champion, munching down 61 hot dogs and buns to win his eighth straight title. This year's First Prize was a nitro-glycerine suppository.

How about our soccer team at the World Cup? And how about it's fantastic goalkeeper TIM HOWARD? He blocked 16 shots which is a new record. That is if you don't count SEN. MITCH McCONNELL, who blocked even more during this year's session of the Senate.

Team U S.A. didn't win, but as a consolation prize next year the entire team will be on "Dancing With the Stars."

Republicans are already trying to paint HILLARY CLINTON as too old to be President. In fact, a new ad claims she's so old she could be a Republican.

A heat wave is hitting the East Coast with temperatures over 90 degrees, shattering records for this time of the year. It was so hot in New York City, Mayor DeBLASIO asked the Statue of Liberty to put her arm down.

Bank robbers, instead of masks, are wearing a cold compress.

In Boston, people were eating double portions of Baked Beans just for the breeze.

It was so hot in Washington D.C. at the LINCOLN MEMORIAL, ABE was sitting in Bermuda shorts and sandals.

The effects of all these recalls at General Motors are being felt financially. The new Chevy Caprice now comes in a cardboard box which says, "Some assembly required."

Once again the yearly "Running of the Bulls" in Pamplona, Spain is taking place. It happens every year on St. Dufus Day.

New York City has a law that says, "It's okay to go topless in the Subway." -- My God, it's bad enough when you catch your scarf in a closing door.

JULY ALMANAC

DOG DAYS...July 3rd to August 15th, the hottest days of the summer in the Northern Hemisphere. To the superstitious this is believed to be an evil time when dogs go mad, the sea boils and all creatures go into paroxysms of hysteria and madness. But enough about RUSH LIMBAUGH, SARAH PALIN, and GLENN BECK.

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