Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts,  too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.

A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:

This week marks the 40th anniversary of the Watergate hearings. Back then the administration was spying on reporters and they used the IRS to harass groups they didn’t like. Thank God those days are gone forever.

First it was Benghazi, then the IRS scandal, and now this phone records scandal. What happened to the good old days when all we had to worry about was REP. ANTHONY WEINER showing off his wiener on Facebook?

The OBAMA administration was hit by three scandals in one week. The PRESIDENT called GOV. CHRIS CHRISTIE and asked if a lap-band could be put on the White House.

When it comes to Benghazi they keep looking for the smoking gun and there isn’t any. Where is the smoking gun? What a sad affair, an American not able to find a gun.

It was over 100 degrees in Los Angeles and was I sweating. Now I know how PRESIDENT OBAMA felt this week at a press conference.

It was so hot people in Beverly Hills were actually drinking tap water.

At the Rancho Park golf course, a squirrel was spotted putting Right Guard on his nuts.

O.J. SIMPSON was in court this week trying to overturn his conviction. He knows it’s a long shot, but as he said, “I’ll take a stab at it.”

He’s trying to overturn his conviction of armed robbery and kidnapping. O.J. said, “I’m tired of everyone thinking of me as only a robber and kidnapper. Remember what a great murderer I am.”

The most notable thing to come out of the trial so far is that O.J. has put on a lot of weight. Remember, “If the glove doesn’t fit you must acquit.” The new rhyme is, “If the pants don’t fit you must not sit.”

“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!

Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts,  too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc. 

A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:

New Jersey Governor, CHRIS CHRISTIE, revealed he underwent a surgery that restricts the amount of food he can consume, which explains why the sign over the New Jersey McDONALD’S hasn’t moved off the “5 Billion Sold” in months.

The GOVERNOR went for the surgery when he remembered what a charmer and a master of seduction he was when he was young and trim. In those days he could get into anybody’s pants. Now he can’t even get into his own.

He knew he had to do something about his weight when he got into an elevator, pressed the button to go up and it refused.

According to Forbes magazine, AL GORE is now worth more than $200 million. Is this what AL meant when he talked about going green?

GORE now has more money than MITT ROMNEY, which is living proof that if you’re a boring white guy, anything is possible.

The ROLLING STONES are playing the Staples Center here. They are on their big “Magical Metamucil Tour.” Tickets went for as much $650. Of course, that’s minus the Medicare deductible.

MICK likes to play big arenas like Staples or even outdoor stadiums. KEITH RICHARDS won’t play stadiums. Those white powdery lines on the field make him homesick.

PRESIDENT OBAMA said he wants to close Gitmo. Gitmo? How about closing Dodger Stadium where the real torture is happening every night?

MATT KEMP has been hitting so badly, when he finally did get a hit VIN SCULLY ran out onto the field with a map of the bases.

A couple was arrested for making out in the right field stands. It’s good to know that someone is scoring in Dodger Stadium.

HOOTERS let mothers eat for free on Mother’s Day. Eating lunch with your mom at HOOTERS. Some guys never get tired of hearing their moms saying, “Look at me when I’m talking to you!”

A volcano in Alaska has been erupting for about five days. Alaska is a huge state. It’s so vast, white and frozen, It looks a lot like last summer’s Republican convention.

TACO BELL has announced they’re introducing a new $1 menu. Now you can practically eat all you want for under 10 bucks. But be sure you’re wearing at least six pairs of pants.