Archive for Herman Cain

What's Next, GOP? Food Stamps Can Be Used For Space Flights?

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Herman Cain

Remember Herman "999" Cain? He not only ran for President in the primaries leading up to the 2012 elections as a Republican, he was at one time their leading candidate. Then even the Republicans questioned if they'd trust this guy enough to buy a pizza from him.

Now in the Republican party, we all know that you can fall quickly -- take 2004 GOP nominee, John McCain. He's been having his problems of late, according to yesterday's story in Politico:

Sen. John McCain is the least popular senator in the country of those surveyed by Public Policy Polling, with low marks from members of his own party, independents and Democrats.

Ah, John. So universally disliked. I guess that's why the Republicans turned to a food expert to deliver the latest lie about food stamps and how they can be used. Those rascally Republicans, they just removed the "Mc" from McCain and got good ol' Cain. Herman Cain. Food entrepreneur and prevaricator extraordinaire.

Jon Stewart calls him out on it quite eloquently.

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After politicians' sex scandals, "sometimes the smiles are so tight you can hear enamel cracking."

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Today’s guest post by the one, the only, Will Durst:

TAIL- SUCKING MOBIUS LOOP

F. Scott Fitzgerald famously uttered “there are no second acts in American lives” but bless his heart, the besotted scribe seems blissfully unaware of the loophole large enough to taxi a C- 130 through that exists for American politicians. These people are as indomitable as a mule falling off a bridge. More oblivious than a blind tortoise humping a rock. Limber like a deboned eel.

Behavior best exemplified by their insect like ability to manufacture a sort of shame resistant exoskeleton. When scandalized, your ordinary citizen will retreat, burrowing deep into a hidey-hole and pulling the hole back in on him. Not the politician. They will hold a press conference to declare all accusations baseless, then publicly resign to spend more time with their family. Of course, nobody gets to ask the family how they feel. Sometimes the smiles are so tight you can hear enamel cracking.

Following an imprecise length of penitence, depending on the transgression, they publicly declare their self- imposed sabbaticals to be complete, and head up the comeback trail spouting enough platitudes to chagrin an evangelist. Cue the red, white and blue gospel music. All is forgiven and the practiced hypocrisy reels back out in a tail- sucking mobius loop.

Recently, a veritable gaggle of disgraced politicians have serpentined their way back into the spotlight. Surely you remember the unfortunately named Anthony Weiner, New York Congressman, caught knee deep in doo- doo for sexting six women, including a porn star. Even tried to get her to lie about the relationship, but she refused. Might be Weiner’s lasting legacy; proving porn possesses more integrity than politics.

Currently running for mayor of New York City, Weiner recently announced a 64 part plan to keep New York vibrant. And used Twitter to do it. Seriously. Dude. Do you really want to remind people of the source of your crotch shots? Verdict: unsure whether his atonement has fully ripened.

Former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s return involves reclaiming his 1st District Congressional seat. The man who turned “Hike the Appalachian Trail” into a euphemism for a quick canoodle with someone not your wife, already bested a GOP primary field of 17 and faces off with Stephen Colbert’s sister, Elizabeth Colbert Busch, in a special election May 7.

The National Republican Congressional Committee pulled all support after Sanford’s wife accused him of defying divorce settlement terms. Prompting the philanderer to take out a full- page 1,200 word ad explaining why he trespassed on his wife’s property during the Super Bowl. A candidate treatise subtitled: “Why I Trespassed.” Never good. Verdict: once again, more time in penalty box seems unavoidable.

Former CIA Director David Patraeus just nabbed a gig as visiting professor at City College of New York, presumably speaking on the dangers of having an affair with someone reasonably positioned to finagle a book deal. Verdict: commonly referred to as a soft entrance. Expect larger leap to more prestigious lily pad in not too distant future.

The results of these post- intermission silk spinning runs are undoubtedly being studied by the teeming hordes of other sideline lurkers- John Edwards, Herman Cain, Mark Foley, Gary Condit and their lugubrious ilk. Meanwhile, Larry Craig skulks, still battling that pesky restless leg syndrome. Simply seeking the solace of some anonymous airport men’s room stall.

Recipient of 7 consecutive nominations for Stand Up of the Year, Will Durst, performs his new one- man show “BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG” every Tuesday at the Marsh, San Francisco. Go to… themarsh.org or willdurst.com for more info.

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Stupid Twitter Tricks, Gun Nut Edition

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It's time for today's Stupid Twitter Tricks, gun nut edition, brought to you by Think Progress.

Seriously, this is about as stupid and insensitive as you can get. I'd express my outrage, but the replies to these tweets saved me the time and risk of lapsing into an unprintable rant.

Presenting Arkansas State Rep. Nate Bell (R):

tweet boston liberalsLink.

Here are a few of the replies that came his way:

  1. @CopyCurmudgeon @saberback @NateBell4AR let's all agree to ignore "Ms" Bell and let "her" go polish her barrel while watching teebee.

  2. @janeroper I think @NateBell4AR is joking. Nobody is actually that stupid

  3. @NateBell4AR First things first: Bostonians don't cower. This isn't Arkansas.

  4. @NateBell4AR You're like the gestalt of an overflowing toilet and a bag of dicks.

  5. @NateBell4AR We don't need machine guns. We have police officers who are putting themselves in harm's way to keep us safe. You?

  6. Human garbage. MT @NateBell4AR I wonder how many Boston liberals spent the night cowering in their homes wishing they had an AR-15

  7. @danigrrl @NateBell4AR Bacon and beer. Is it too early for beer? Could really use a drink after the past 12 hours. #watertown

  8. @tomecurran Yeah and I still can..what do you know about "AR 15's". That they are scary?? Sorry about the spelling mistakes. No editor!

  9. @mama2fluffs @NateBell4AR Hell no. Reprehensible people should be held responsible for their actions, and being a woman is not an insult.

  10. @neocMatt @NateBell4AR Oh my goodness, how I'd love a beer right now. Have to settle with tea. #Watertown

  11. @NateBell4AR So they can shoot a guy loaded with a bomb? That seems like not the best move in the situation.

  12. @JeanTerranova I know, I know. We're staying strong, though.

  13. @maggieserota It warms my heart that my deeply sarcastic tweet about awful human @NateBell4AR is quickly approaching 400 retweets.

  14. That didn't take long. “@NateBell4AR:...how many BOS liberals spent the night cowering...wishing they had an AR-15 w/hi-capacity magazine?”

  15. @maggieserota maggie how many Arkansans you think are cowering in their homes wishing they had MA's schools and obesity rates? @NateBell4AR

  16. @NateBell4AR Boston liberal here. Seriously? You just tweeted this. I can tell you that we never felt this way.

  17. .@NateBell4AR Breathtaking douchebaggery.

  18. @NateBell4AR I'm saddened by pitting people against each other that this tweet generated rather than a rational, educated discussion.

  19. @NateBell4AR Dear Heartless Gun Nut: Please keep making Heartless Gun Nut statements. Thanks, the USA.

Follow the link for more replies. But, hey, he apologized. Not for what he said, but for when he said it. Via Facebook:

I would like to apologize to the people of Boston & Massachusetts for the poor timing of my tweet earlier this morning. As a staunch and unwavering supporter of the individual right to self defense, I expressed my point of view without thinking of its effect on those still in time of crisis. In hindsight, given the ongoing tragedy that is still unfolding, I regret the poor choice of timing. Please know that my thoughts and prayers were with the people of Boston overnight and will continue as they recover from this tragedy.

There now, all better.

And now for the sequel from none other than-- wait for it-- Herman Cain's Cain TV account!

tweet cain guns boston This reply will suffice:

Georgia Liberal@Georgia_Liberal:

@CainTV No.

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Herman Cain Convenes "All Star" African American Conservatives to Plot Strategy

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I may hurt myself laughing.

(CNN) – Herman Cain, the former pizza executive who briefly led the pack of GOP 2012 presidential hopefuls, convened a gathering of Republicans Monday with the goal of devising a strategy to convince fellow African-Americans to join the party.

Dr. Ben Carson, the Johns Hopkins neurosurgeon enjoying new popularity in the conservative movement, will also be present for the meeting, held at the Willard Hotel in downtown Washington.

"Individually, we are fighting the establishment media, establishment politics, and the narrow-minded perceptions and deceptions that are making us weaker as a nation," Cain said in a statement. "Collectively we can amplify our efforts to help shape a stronger course for the nation and 'main street' America."

The meeting will provide the group conservative African-Americans a chance to get acquainted, but will also focus on "how to collectively expose the damaging effects of the current administration on the black community," according to a Cain spokesman.

(snip)

Other attendees at Monday's meeting include: Ken Blackwell, the former Ohio secretary of state; Alveda King, the anti-abortion activist and niece of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.; Harry Alford, president of the National Black Chamber of Commerce; Armstrong Williams, a radio and TV commentator; Niger Innis, a spokesperson for the Congress of Racial Equality; A.R. Bernard, the founder of the Christian Cultural Center in Brooklyn; Star Parker, a writer and conservative activist; and Walter Williams, a professor of economics at George Mason University.

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VIDEO-- Jeb's flip-floppy day. As for Bush 2016, Herman Cain says, "Not so fast, Kimosabe!"

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Jeb Bush wishes Romney were president, and his poor little heart is broken because Obama won a second term and Willard lost. Bush clearly admires the failed candidate because he's doing his best impression of all those infamous Mitt flip flops:

TPM: Jeb Bush made a surprising return to the immigration reform debate by announcing he no longer supports a path to citizenship for undocumented immigrants. But after a backlash from immigration activists, he seems to be opening the door the slightest bit to changing his mind once again.

Not the best role model, Jeb. You may want to think that strategy through before you find yourself flailing around in that vast, losery, Etch A Sketchy political abyss.

etch a sketch romney smaller

Video via TPM.

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Video- Fox News' Herman Cain Belittles 51 Percent Of Americans As Having "A Severe Ignorance Problem" For Reelecting Obama

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A home for every crackpot I guess. Via MM.

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Video- Herman Cain, Ken Blackwell: Eric Holder's Dereliction of Duty

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Someone's slacking! There should be at least 5 viral versions of this up by now. Via. Also too, shouldn't Harold Ford Jr, Cory Booker and Artur Davis be doing a Motown back up singer thing with them?

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