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The Barack Obama 2014 State of the Union Drinking Game

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state of the union drinking game

A bonus guest post by the one, the only Will Durst who's having a little fun with tonight's State of the Union speech:

THE BARACK H. OBAMA 2014 STATE OF THE UNION DRINKING GAME

WHAT YOU NEED TO PLAY:

  • 4 taxpayers: 1 old rich white guy investment banker type wearing a Brioni suit. (Bank Boy) 2 ordinary folks wearing jeans, 1 in a blue work shirt, the other in a white shirt, no tie, sleeves rolled up. (the Jeans) And 1 person wearing clothes that look like their former life involved toxic dump storage cleanup. (Rags)
  • 1 living room with flat screen TV tuned to C-SPAN.
  • 1 shot glass per person. Everybody brings own, placing all on a coffee table in front of TV. Bank Boy gets to choose first which to use during game. White shirt picks next, then blue shirt. Bank Boy takes last shot glass as well, and Rags needs to make a deal to rent it from him, find a replacement or drink out of own cupped hands.
  • 2 packages of Vienna All Beef Chicago Style Hot Dogs in middle of table with butter grilled buns and pickles and tomatoes and onions and condiments including that weird neon green relish in little ramekins on the side.
  • 1 bottle of Jack Daniels.
  • A large stash of beer on ice. Rags gets whatever is on sale, such as some generic Lite Beer from Trader Joe’s. Bank Boy gets whatever microbrew he wants. The Jeans get domestic, but are responsible for paying for all the beer, Jack and hot dogs.
  • The Jeans each ante up 20 bucks cash. Rags and Bank Boy are allowed to use I.O.U.s. Which do not need to be redeemed.

RULES OF THE GAME:

  • Every time Barack H. Obama says “Bipartisanship,” the first person to stop laughing is exempt from drinking 3 shot glasses of beer.
  • When the President mentions unemployment the last person to eat a fully accoutered hot dog has to drink a shot of Jack.
  • If the President says, “If Al Qaeda is calling you, we want to know why,” first person to finish a whole beer gets to spit pieces of hot dog at the others until they finish their beers.
  • When Barack circuitously intimates something that might concern the NSA, the last person to stand and salute has to drink 2 shot glasses of beer.
  • If and when Obama defends Obamacare, everybody must drink a shot of Jack, a whole beer and throw pieces of broken hot dog at the television. If anybody hits POTUS in the head, the other three have to drink another shot of Jack.
  • If Obama speaks of the integrity of the political process, the last person to cough “Hack!” must drink 3 shots of beer.
  • If the President relates a touching heartfelt story of some poor unfortunate denied health care, Rags gets to kick everybody else once. Twice, if the subject of the anecdote is in the audience. Three times, if he/ she is sitting next to an astronaut.
  • The first time Barack H Obama mentions immigration, the last person to pretend to faint has to drink 3 shots of beer.
  • Whenever Obama makes a reference to his faith getting him through tough times, last person to fall to their knees and shout “Hallelujah!” has to drink 1 shot of Jack.
  • Every time the Chief Executive winks at or points to Michelle, players sword fight with hot dogs. The last person with an intact weenie does not have to eat an entire shot glass full of that weird neon green relish.

EXTRAS:

  • Before the speech, everyone writes down who they think will give the Republican Response. Anybody who correctly identifies the person doesn’t have to watch it. Players may sell each other hints.
  • Bank Boy takes home the $40 and the Jack.
  • Leftover beer and hot dogs go home with Rags after he/she finishes washing the dishes.

Will Durst is a nationally acclaimed, award- winning political comic. Go to willdurst.com to find about more about his new CD, “Elect to Laugh” and calendar of personal appearances including "BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG."

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Official 2013 State of the Union drinking game

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state of the union drinking game

Today’s guest post by the one, the only, Will Durst:

BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA 2013 STATE OF THE UNION DRINKING GAME

WHAT YOU NEED TO PLAY:

4 taxpayers of any sex: 1 rich white banker- type wearing a Suit. Cuff links would be nice. 1 person in a Blue work Shirt, another in a White shirt and 1 wearing Rags that in a former life might have been an integral part of a frantic escape through the sewers of Paris. At high tide.

The Four group around a coffee table directly in front of a television with newspapers laid on table and floor.

1 shot glass per person. Everybody brings own and places on table. Suit gets first pick for use during game. White Shirt picks next, then Blue Shirt. Suit pockets last glass as well, and Rags either rents it, borrows a replacement from kitchen or drinks out of own cupped hands.

20 buck ante for White & Blue Shirt. Suit throws in a quarter while Rags can write an IOU.

Fondue pot on table with 2 packages of Li’l Smokies stewing in Hawaiian barbecue sauce, surrounded by 100 cocktail toothpicks. The kind with the little American flags wrapped around the top.

A large stash of canned beer. Rags gets the cheapest stuff that can be found, like Old Milwaukee Ice Dry Light; Suit gets to drink whatever import he requests; Shirts get to pick favorite domestic, but are required to pay for beer, Li’l Smokies and accouterments.

RULES OF THE GAME.
1. Whenever Barack H Obama mentions bipartisanship or working across the aisle, everybody drinks a shot of beer.
2. Everybody drinks 2 shots of beer if Speaker Boehner starts to cry. An entire can if he breaks down sobbing or disappears from view.
3. If Barack H. Obama ever says “Democratic leadership,” everybody must drink a whole beer then throw empty can at television. Anybody who hits Harry Reid is exempt from drinking 3 more shots of beer.
4. If he tells a folksy tale with a deeper meaning about not leaving before the job is done, the last person to throw their arms in the air, fall to their knees and shout “Hallelujah!” has to drink an entire beer.
5. Whenever President mentions liberty or freedom of the proud Afghani people, stand up, salute with your right hand and drink shot of beer with left. If he talks about the liberty or freedom of the American people, stand up, salute with left hand and drink shot of beer with right. First person to mess up has to drink two more shots.
6. If President says the State of the Union is good, but could be better, first person to stop laughing is exempt from drinking one shot of beer and gets to pummel Suit with empty shot glass. No head shots.
7. If Obama mentions the word “drone” everybody immediately makes continuous droning noises. First person to run out of breath has to drink two shots of beer.
8. Every time Barack Obama mentions immigration, last person to eat 2 Li’l Smokies has to drink 2 shots of beer. Use toothpicks.
9. If Vice President Joe Biden is caught nodding off, last person to start singing “Wake Up, Little Susie” has to drink 3 shots of beer.
10. Whenever the President talks about his resolve and adopts a frowny look with his brow all furrowed and stuff, everybody throws Li’l Smokies at the television. The first person to hit Nancy Pelosi in the head is exempt from having to drink 2 shots of beer. Toothpick use optional.
11. If Barack tells heartfelt story of banker with heart of gold, Suit gets to kick everyone else once. Twice if subject is in the audience. If sitting next to a general, the number of times equal to the amount of stars.

EXTRAS:
Anybody who can identify person giving Republican Response doesn’t have to watch it.
Suit takes home cash discarding the IOU.
Whoever comes closest to guessing number of Standing Os takes home leftover beer after Rags finishes cleaning up.

5 time Emmy- nominee Will Durst’s e- book “Elect to Laugh!” published by Hyperink, now available at Redroom.com, Amazon and many other fine virtual book retailers near you. Go to willdurst.com for info @ stand up performances, such as next week in Tahoe & Reno.

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Cartoon of the Day- Debate Drinking Game

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