Archive for dnc convention

The top ten comedic news stories of 2012

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Today’s guest post by the one, the only, Will Durst:

THE TOP TEN COMEDIC NEWS STORIES OF 2012

First a disclaimer: the Top Ten Comedic News Stories of 2012 should not under any circumstances be confused with the Top Ten Legitimate News Stories of 2012. They are as different as red satin cummerbunds and Liar’s Dice. Duck liver and Spanish moss. Matched pearl necklaces and motorcycle handlebars.

For those of you itching to point out that some stories, especially those involving death, destruction, devastation and disaster are not proper subjects for this sort of fanciful folderol; way ahead of you. Totally agree. Exactly why the Aurora, Colorado movie theater massacre, Hurricane Sandy, Jerry Sandusky and the movie John Carter failed to make the cut.

Also left off the list are a few of the fiendishly frivolous footprints despoiling the sands of this annum horribilis such as Lindsay Lohan’s continuing struggles with sobriety, that curious craze called Gangnam Style, the introduction of the iPhone 5 and Facebook’s roller coaster IPO.

That said; here they are, the key stories from the past year providing the purest opportunities for major mocking and scoffing and taunting as determined by the executive council of the Comics, Clowns, Jesters & Satirists Union. Me.

10. Donald Trump. Assumes figurehead post of Birther Movement. Then refuses to shut up all year long including several embarrassing tweets on Election Day. An ever- gushing political comedy material fountain with all the grace and elegance of tumbling dumpsters.
9. First Presidential Debate. Turned what was becoming a slam-dunk into a horse race. 70 million Americans tuned in. But for some unknown reason, President Obama was not among them.
8. The entire GOP primary campaign. Party plays Candidate Whack-A-Mole for five months. Everybody takes turns beating Romney like a red headed stepchild, including some folks who aren’t even running.
7. London Olympics. Ann Romney’s horse Rafalca competes in Dressage. Event where the horse and the rider perform predetermined movements. Like interspecies dancing. Which you would think would be illegal in Utah. But horse fails to medal and probably gets shipped home strapped to the fuselage of a 747. McKayla Maroney remains unimpressed.
6. Vice Presidential Debate. Joe Biden goes all Malarkey on Paul Ryan. Two words- decaf. Bold Choice Ryan blames Obama for GM plant closing in 08. Fails to implicate POTUS in fall of the Roman Empire. But just barely.
5. Barack Obama comes out in support of gay marriage. Emerges from his own personal policy closet like a butterfly emerging from a conflicted cocoon.
4. Mitt Romney vows to get rid of Big Bird losing him pivotal pre- adolescent vote.
3. Democratic National Convention. Specifically Bill Clinton laying out the precise reasons why America should re- elect as President… Bill Clinton.
2. Republican National Convention. Specifically Clint Eastwood upstaging the nominee’s acceptance speech by getting into an argument with an empty chair. Which he proceeded to lose. Probably upset him so badly he rushed back to the hotel room where he got into a squabble with his armoire.
1. Mitt Romney. All the charisma of a plastic picnic fork with three of the tines snapped off. May have run the worst campaign ever. And that includes New Coke, McCain/ Palin and France in 39.

5 time Emmy- nominee Will Durst’s new e- book “Elect to Laugh!” published by Hyperink, now available at Redroom.com, Amazon or any fine virtual book retailer near you. And don’t forget the Twentieth Annual Big Fat Year End Kiss Off Comedy Show. Dec 26- Jan 1. 6 comics. 7 cities. 8 shows. Details at facebook or willdurst.com.

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Bikini Graph shows Pres. Obama's 31st consecutive month of private sector job growth

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These are the facts, voters.

UPDATE: More facts, more charts, more proof that the economy is on the upswing. "Something big is really underway!" Just go!

So are these:

Bill Clinton:

"A lot of Americans are still angry and frustrated about this economy. If you look at the numbers, you know employment is growing, banks are beginning to lend again, and in a lot of places, housing prices have even beginning to pick up. But too many people do not feel it yet. I had this same thing happen in 1994 and early 1995. We could see that the policies were working, that the economy was growing, but most people didn't feel it yet. Thankfully, by 1996, the economy was roaring, everybody felt it, and we were halfway through the longest peacetime expansion in the history of the United States.

But the difference this time is purely in the circumstances. President Obama started with a much weaker economy than I did. Listen to me now. No president - not me, not any of my predecessors - no one could have fully repaired all the damage that he found in just four years."

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President Obama: Bill Clinton should be "Secretary of Explaining Stuff"

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Via USA Today, the Quote O' The Day:

"Somebody emailed me after his [Clinton's] speech -- they said, you need to appoint him secretary of explaining stuff ... That was pretty good. I like that ... the secretary of explaining stuff."

He was masterful.

Here's former President Clinton's DNC speech in full.

Here's guest blogger Will Durst's take:

HIGH ATOP THE DEEP BENCH.

And now a few words on the Democratic National Convention, which was ALSO interrupted by bad weather and from this we can deduce that God is not overly fond of politicians. Proving that he/ she indeed has something in common with a majority of the American public. We are special.

The Dems opened their quadrennial confab headlining Michelle Obama and the president’s wife loud wowed the crowd. Authentic and classy and inspiring, people immediately started examining the 25th Amendment for loopholes that would allow the First Lady to jump to the top of the line of succession. At least leapfrog Boehner. If not Biden.

The next day, Elvis re- entered the building. The Obama folks buried their 08 bones of resentment in yesterday’s backyard to let the Big Dog off leash and the whole house howled at the moon. For 48 minutes, Bill Clinton barked it out old school. Some naysayers scoff the only reason he was in North Carolina was confusion over whether Charlotte was host city or a dinner date set up by e- harmony.com.

No matter the motive compelling the 42nd POTUS to attend, it became obvious from the get- go that whatever it was that Hillary’s husband at one time had, he’s still got it. In spades.

While thunder rumbled just outside the Time Warner Cable Arena the real electricity was on the inside. Single-handedly he systematically laid out the most persuasive argument yet to re- elect President Bill Clinton.… er, unh, Barack Obama.

Delegates swooned. MSNBC collectively spilled coffee on their laps wetting themselves. Even Michelle couldn’t hide a secret grin. Wouldn’t be surprised to find out Ann Romney had one too. Perhaps even he with the lean and hungry look, Paul Ryan.

And when you think about it, wasn’t really fair. Trotting out a former president to rally the troops. After all, Republicans don’t really have a former president to… oh wait. Yeah they do. Never mind. On a side note, Clinton said more nice things about George Dubyah than were heard from the entire GOP convention. Two.

After smashing his guitar on the floor of the podium you could almost hear the Man from Hope whisper to Mister Hope and Change as the two embraced, “Follow that Mofo.” And on the closing night, he did, proceeding to give the 3rd or 4th best speech of the convention.

While Tampa may have been bereft of Bushes, Charlotte curiously featured a distinct lack of former Democratic Vice Presidential candidates. Not a Gore or a Lieberman or a home state Edwards to be seen. Ain’t life odd.

On the final night, Edward’s ticket mate, John Kerry gave a rousing speech that had delegates wondering where this funny self- deprecating guy was hiding in 2004. Jennifer Granholm assumed Ann Richards’ mantle getting in the best lines of the week; “Romney loves our cars so much they have their own elevator.”

Finally Joe Biden teared up, and Barack Obama tore it up. Not soaring to the golden- throated suburb that is Bubba Heights, but dignified, hopeful and focused. Dare we say, Presidential.

Spending two weeks watching the best our political parties have to offer, it’s apparent the Democrats have a deep bench, while the Republicans seem to focus on an empty chair and two empty suits. But to be fair, they’re very nice suits. And they have balloons.

The New York Times says 5 time Emmy- nominated comedian and writer Will Durst "is quite possibly the best political comic working in the country today." Check out the website: redroom.com to pre- order his soon to be released book: “Elect to Laugh!” Go to willdurst.com to find out about stand- up performances, such as: every Tuesday, also called Elect to Laugh! @ The Marsh, San Francisco. themarsh.org. Only nine. NINE! 9 shows to go. And this Tuesday we’re taping.

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Poll-itics: Signs of a convention bounce for President Obama

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It ain't much, but it's a bounce. I'm linking to National Journal because neither Paddy nor I could access Gallup for some reason:

A slight majority of Americans, 52 percent, surveyed Tuesday through Thursday said that they approve of the job Obama is doing as president, his highest approval rating since early June 2011, a month after the U.S. military killed Osama bin Laden.

43% disapprove. Now for the horse race:

In Gallup's horse-race tracking poll, conducted over the past seven evenings among registered voters, Obama leads Romney, 48 percent to 45 percent. That is not a significant change from the previous seven-day sample, when Obama and Romney were statistcally tied, 47 percent to 46 percent respectively. But the wide range of field dates for this tracking poll means that any bounce could lag behind other, more immediate surveys; today's release is the first conducted entirely after Romney's acceptance speech last week.

It could've been worse. And more polls will be coming out, so stay tuned. Then again, these are only snapshots, and even Team Obama said they expected no bounce. Our real worry is how the president is doing in swing states that are enforcing voter suppression.

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Infographic: Bill Clinton's arithmetic

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I'll be in and out today, so be good to Paddy!

This infographic comes courtesy of Think Progress where they also posted this today: Unhappy Anniversary: Republicans Have Blocked The American Jobs Act For One Year

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Video- The Daily Show: Hope and Change 2 - Bill Clinton's Math

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Clinton sure is amazing.

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Cartoons of the Day- The Conventions Are Over

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Via.

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