Archive for David Garber

The Supreme Court Caught With Robes Down On Hidden Cam

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SupremeCourtParodyW301H202

The United States Supreme Snort, er, Court-- are they for real? Well, just take a look at the hidden camera footage Funny or Die gathered for this "expose" on the Chief Justice and his all-boy's club. If you don't crack up watching this, you're not breathing.

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Biggest Gaffe Ever At MSNBC?

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Lindsay Lohan

In the words of of Belle Carroca (Lanie Kazan) in the film classic, My Favorite Year, "This I did not even know."

And I'm willing to bet, MSNBC didn't know it either.

Joy Reid needed smelling salts after collapsing on stage hearing this. Reports are that she's fully recovered and won't miss any additional work at MSNBC.

MSNBC Fact checkers? Can you please clean up the mess in front of the White House lawn. Her name is Chris Jansing and she needs some schooling. Oh, and a washcloth to remove the egg from her face.

It seems the mush-headed thinking reporter, Jansing (who must have taken too much of her medication before going on air) claims she was talking about the President's father, not the President.

But if you hear her go on, she's absolutely talking about the President as she refers to his election and his expectations he'd do great things for Africa after his election sure make this reporter look awfully unprepared and quite ignorant.

The President's Kenyan father was never elected to anything as far as anyone fact checking can find. Quite a gaffe from a woman who will most certainly be the laughing stock of MSNBC for years to come. Her next assignment will probably be getting someone coffee at the news outlet, not reporting from the White House.

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Speaker of the House Boehner Calling It Quits

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I quit

Faced with an imminent crushing and humiliating defeat by his own caucus, Speaker of the House Boehner unexpectedly quit today. No, he didn't give up his Speakership -- only his obligations to run the House.  He's decided to throw in the towel, do nothing (something he excels at), and hang out a sign on Congress's door saying, "Gone Fishing. Be back in 5 weeks."

With no significant immigration bill to assuage the border fears he and his fellow Republicans fueled, he looks like he's a loser who's no longer got the control over his own people. Stick a fork in the old fool. He's done.

He can take solace in the fact that his leadership isn't the only one to take an embarrassing wallop by pulling his weak and ineffective immigration bill. The troika of House GOP leaders all were crushed. Washington Post reports:

The pulling of the bill marked an embarrassing failure in the first real test of the new leadership team that takes office Thursday following Virginia Rep. Eric Cantor’s resignation as majority leader.

Exiting a closed-door morning huddle at the Republican National Committee, senior Republicans had expressed confidence that the Boehner proposal would pass.

As recently as Thursday morning, hours before the scheduled summer break, Boehner had signaled he wanted a bill passed so the Democrats couldn't use the August break to pound away at the Xenophobic GOP. To ensure he could get conservative Republicans on his side, he was even ready to do away with the Deferred Action for Child Arrivals program (DACA) -- surely something that would would get the Tea Party right wing immigration haters on board. It was all but assured -- and then the collapse. Newly elected GOP House Majority Whip Steve Scalise dashed Boehner's hopes with the news that he couldn't drum up the votes. Out the window went the bill as well as any possibility of getting Latino or Asian votes in the fall.

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So now Boehner and his two cohorts have five weeks to hide their faces before they're called back to spend three more weeks doing nothing and then going on their next scheduled break. The national budget, transportation, immigration, embassy appointments, education reform, long term unemployment -- all of these are now going unattended.

Well, Boehner's done. And truthfully so is the GOP as they used to be known. There are three parties now in the US running our government -- Democrats, the remnant Republicans, and the Tea Party.

Are you an unhappy Republican? If so, blame John Boehner -- but do it quick. He might retire before returning. His orange face is obviously not wanted in Washington D.C. anymore, unless it's on a Wanted poster for obstruction of justice and dereliction of Duty.

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The Devil's In The Dial Tones

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Priest Claims Hate Texts Are From Demon SpiritFather Marian Rajchel

Exorcism. It's a pretty drastic move -- so much so that not too many priests will even attempt to engage in the procedure. But sometimes its a final resort an ambitious Father will endeavor to drive out the evil spirit, risking life, limb and perhaps evil text messages as you'll see reading on. Father Marian Rajchel from Jaroslaw in south-eastern Poland was up for the challenge. This Polish priest recently carried out an exorcism on a teenage girl and now he claims he is being contacted by Satan. I guess if you drive out an evil spirit you can understand him contacting you to express his displeasure -- but in this case it's via text message. Gotta hand it to the Devil. He's keeping up with modern technology. Yup. Beelzebub has got this priest's number -- or actually the cell number of his human teenage host -- the girl who the devil resides in. I say resides because evidently the exorcism purification failed. Sometimes that happens. Not all priests are able to pull off such a  house host cleaning. Since the failed effort on Father Rajchel's part, he says he's started receiving the hate messages. When you fail to drive the devil out of a victim's soul, what're you to expect, right? As reported in MailOnline: devil on cell phone

Now he believes that the demon is using the possessed teenager to attack him through a mobile phone.

'The author of these texts is an evil spirit who has possessed her soul', he said.

'Often the owners of mobile phones are not even aware that they are being used like this. However, in this case it is clear.'

Before going on, as a public service, I'm going to suggest you keep your cell phones locked when not in use. You never know when the Devil may have something to say to you. You'll recognize his number if you have caller ID. His area code is 666.

Okay, so to continue, Father R. didn't ignore the texts the Devil had sent him via the possessed child.

Father Rajchel claims that the devil and his followers were not shy about using modern technology but that in many cases their actions were not identified as being the work of evil.

One of the text messages, the Austrian Times reported, read: 'She will not come out of this hell. She’s mine. Anyone who prays for her will die.'

He replied, and was then sent another message in return: 'Shut up, preacher. You cannot save yourself. Idiot. You pathetic old preacher.'

He said: 'Clearly this young girl has been possessed, and needs further help.'

The girl needs further help? You think? Did it ever occur to you that you were just being punked? Look around and see if Ashton Kutcher isn't hiding out somewhere in the pews with a cell phone and a camera crew.

One thing though, if this is for real. If you're going to get into a text message battle, I wouldn't take on the Devil. Who knows the added surcharges he might put on this kind of back and forth. After all, this girl's phone service might might be provided by Verizon and I've dealt with them before. Believe me, it was hell.

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GOP Women Are Re-branding Their Message And Asking All Women To Vote Democratic

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re-brand

It's no secret that the Republican party is having a hard time connecting with women -- actually they're having a hard time connecting with women, college-educated men, immigrants, people of color, the poor, the unemployed, non-evangelicals, pro-lifers, the uninsured, and non-racist white folks. Bottom line-- they got troubles in more than just River City. But have no fear. They plan to do something about it.

According to HuffPo:

WASHINGTON -- A group of GOP Congress members led by Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers (R-Wash.) on Wednesday unveiled a package of bills aimed at improving women's economic situations and attracting women voters.

They call it their "War For Women." Yes, that's the ticket, Ms. Rogers. A "war for women." That sounds so cool. Don't hold back. What is it? Do tell.

The proposals include tax credits for childcare, a bill that prevents retaliation against employees who ask about equal pay and a bill that allows employees to trade overtime pay for paid family leave and sick leave. Some of the bills are ones that have already passed the House, while others are new proposals.

Wait a minute. Why do those proposals sound so familiar? Oh, that's because those are the Democratic proposals that the Republican-led House has voted down.

The GOP's new women's economic agenda comes more than a year after the House Democrats unveiled their own agenda -- called "When Women Succeed, America Succeeds" -- which Republicans have consistently opposed. Republicans blocked the Paycheck Fairness Act earlier this year, which would have banned employers from retaliating against women who talked about their salaries with their coworkers and would have allowed women a longer window to sue their employers for pay discrimination based on gender.

can'tfix

What does all this mean? It's simple. Republicans are asking women to stand up for what's right, just and fair. The women of the GOP are asking women across the nation to cast off their "second class shackles" of Republicanism and vote Democratic. Yup, very simply that's what their plan is. And I like it.

Finally something that makes sense from the mouths of the "challenged" women of the Republican party. After all of these years of being led around by the nose rings of the old white men who run the GOP, the lemming females of the red party have finally seen the light. Hallelujah.

The Republican party, or what's left of it, now has a vision. And it's a solid one. If you're female and you want to vote your own best self-interest, vote Democratic this fall.

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Does Speaker Boehner Really Hate The Pope?

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Pope Francis

C'mon, you must be thinking, John Boehner's a Catholic. How could he hate Pope Francis? Even agnostic Bill Maher applauds the Pontiff from time to time. If you want to make of list of popular popes, you'd have to put Francis up there near or at the top.

So why then is Christian Republican Speaker John Boehner taking a stand against the pope? Why is he persecuting the Holy See?

There's a piece of legislation stuck in the House, bi-partisan in its origin, that simply congratulates Pope Francis on his March 2013 election and recognizes “his inspirational statements and actions.” There shouldn't really be any hesitation in passing this, should there? According to The Hill, all that's holding it up for the past 15 months is the "white smoke" of agreement by Speaker Boehner. He's not giving it.

Hmm. Something wrong with the leader of the Catholic church, Mr. Boehner?

The answer to that should be read as "yes." But to the Speaker's defense, he's not alone. It seems the entire Republican party, yes the GOP has a cross up their collective white asses when it comes to Pope Francis. You see, the Pope's teachings and the GOP's are diametrically opposed. In short, the Republicans are heathens.

Only 19 of the 221 co-sponsors are Republicans. The dearth of GOP members on the measure could be attributable to assertions that the pope is “too liberal,” according to a Republican backer of the legislation.

On the issue of the Pope being too liberal, the Vatican leader speaking from the teaching of the New and Old Testament, has come out in favor of redistribution of wealth, he's against "trickle down economics," for compassionate handling of the child refugees at our borders, aid to the poor, health care for all, and he's indicated an openness to civil unions.

Sorry GOP. Those stands aren't being liberal. They're being "Christian." And take that from a Jew. Oh, not me or Francis, I'm talking Christ.

Keep in mind, the GOP is the party of no Jews in the House -- with Cantor being voted out. Is that a coincidence, or has the party shown it's tendencies to be exclusive -- or should I say, anti-Semitic.

God will forgive Boehner, I'm sure. But He'll also expect some changes in order to allow Johnny-Boy through the Pearly White Gates. The first of those is contrition, followed closely by some bi-partisan legislating. There's still a chance for the Ohio congressman. I'm not so sure though for the Republican Party. Their destruction of the  ticking time bomb of the Tea Party may be too late to reverse.

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Hobby Lobby Ruling Opens Doors For Satanists To Strike Down Anti-Abortion Laws

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Sunshine Behind Cloud

My father used to say, "There's nary an ill wind that doesn't blow some good." Pretty smart guy, my pop.

While everyone on the right is cheering the SCOTUS Hobby Lobby finding and looking for more religiously restrictive ways to use it, there're some others who are seeing a bright lining to this dark cloud. Those people are the Satanists.

Okay, most of you think those who worship Satan march to a much different drummer than the rest of us. Sure they do. But they have a right to their beliefs and the Hobby Lobby decision is a religious-based determination. And Satanism, despite how little or much you know about it, fits the description of a bona-fide religion.

Now comes the interesting part. The Satanists are making an argument, based on the Supreme Court's finding, that some anti-abortion laws are forcing a state's religious belief on them and therefore need not be followed. The Raw Story:

According to the Guttmacher Institute, 35 states currently have informed consent laws, and of those, 33 require that the woman be told the gestational age of the fetus.

In some states, that information consists of pro-life propaganda that links abortion to a higher incidence of breast and ovarian cancers, or discusses “post-abortion syndrome,” a mental condition not recognized by any major medical or psychiatric organization.

Regardless of your personal religious beliefs, you can see the argument here that science is being misused, misconstrued or misinterpreted to serve a "right wing, religious" view. There has been no consensus on abortion leading to higher rates of breast or ovarian cancer or "post-abortion syndrome." Truthfully, postpartum depression is a real and acknowledged clinical psychosis and that's generally, by definition, after a child has been carried to term.

Because the Satanic Temple bases its belief “regarding personal health…on the best scientific understanding of the world, regardless of the religious or political beliefs of others,” it claims that state-mandated information with no basis in scientific fact violates its religious beliefs.

Now I get to use a favorite word -- ergo -- this makes forcing a woman to read informed consent laws unconstitutional. At least in the 35 states that require it.

Hobby Lobby and the Satanists could be a blessing in disguise, or as my pop would say, the good that the ill wind kicked up.

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