Archive for David Garber

The Warm and Fuzzy GOP

Posted by GottaLaff 
· Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013 at 3:22 pm 
· No Comments 

kittens in cups

Another guest post is by our pal and regular TPC contributor, David Garber:

The Warm and Fuzzy GOP

Health care reform is dead.  Let’s face it.  The Republicans are trying to establish a system to ensure that no taxpayer money goes to pay for health care for people here illegally.

“So let’s solve that — just not treat them,” said a distinguished southern gentleman member of the House.  ”Let ‘em die in the streets for all we care.  They’re illegals.  They’re not our responsibility.”  A House member saying that?  House of Horrors is more like it.

The GOP also stripped the bill of equal protection by removing an amendment to allow for same sex couples to be treated as family.  Another Republican House member said, “Good, we don’t need any more disease than we already got.”  Seems health care is a big GOP issue… even if their take on it is bigoted, crude and senseless.

The Senate Judiciary committee bill is recommending creation of a 13-year path to citizenship for the 11 million people already here illegally.  Another elected Republican said they chose 13 to appease the Jews in the House — jokingly equating it to “a Bar Mitzvah for illegals.”  This quotable soul wasn’t Rep. Cantor, but you get two more guesses.  You can start by saying “Way to go, Mr. ‘Boo-hoo my eyes out’ Boehner.

Wow, that’s some open minded group you’re leading there.  Slamming and slurring immigrants and Jews at the same time is your party’s solution to the problem?

What, not enough time to talk it over but you have enough time to vote to repeal the Affordable Health Care Act on 36 occasions?  Priorities, Mr. Speaker. And I don’t mean priority tee times at the golf course.

Gotta love the Republican leadership — warm and sensitive, like iced sand paper.

outreach my ass reach out inclusive

For the past 25 years, David Garber has been serving as the show runner and or writer on some of television’s biggest hits… Saved By The Bell, Power Rangers, 227, Bill Cosby Show and many other network series. His writing and producing have also netted David two very prestigious awards:the PRISM AWARD and the TV CRITICS AWARD – TV SPECIAL OF THE YEAR. Currently he’s authoring a short story series called “A Few Minutes With…”

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Your Number’s Up

Posted by Paddy 
· Saturday, May 18th, 2013 at 12:00 pm 
· No Comments 

Guest post by David Garber

numbersdg

I have fun with numbers… sometimes they’re shocking, other times they’re very amusing. I’m not good with them, I just enjoy them. So, with that in mind, here’s a few you might want to use at your next social gathering.

0. The grizzly bear is the official state animal of California but no grizzly bears have been seen there since 1922. Maybe it’s time for a new state animal — The elusive Darryl Issa cretin is my suggestion.

48. That’s the percentage of all Americans who are currently considered to be “low income” or are living in poverty. Remove Mitt Romney and the Koch brothers from the calculations and the number is substantially higher.

600. That’s average number of cans of soda each American consumes in a year. Only 22% of those aluminum cans are recycled. What’s the matter with you people? Cans don’t grow on trees!

2.4. That’s how many times more the average person in the US spends on health care than in the UK. It’s evident that the difference must be in dental preventative hygiene.

3. Montana has three times as many cows as it does people. That might explain why politics in that state is “udderly” ridiculous.

66. No, not Route 66 — Today, 66% of all Americans are considered to be overweight. Remove Chris Christie and Rush Limbaugh from the equation and it’s down to 47%. Still to high.

25. That’s the percent of all U.S. employees with Internet access who visit pornography websites while they are at work. So next time you go to the office, look around and see who’s smiling — and who’s perspiring.

52. That’s the percentage of children living in Cleveland that are below the poverty level. I guess we should ask Betty White why her show’s called Hot in Cleveland. Doesn’t sound like things are so hot to me.

167,000. According to the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, that’s the number of Americans who have more than $200,000 of student loan debt. But don’t worry. The Republicans are trying to pass a bill to double interest rates on student loans. If they’re successful, the average student will be paid off just in time for social security.

16.5 — There are 19 million new cases of syphilis, gonorrhea and chlamydia in the United States every single year. With our US population of 320 million, we’ll all have one of those diseases in 16.5 years.

Okay, hope you had fun with numbers like I did.

For the past 25 years, David Garber has been serving as the show runner and or writer on some of television’s biggest hits… Saved By The Bell, Power Rangers, 227, Bill Cosby Show and many other network series. His writing and producing have also netted David two very prestigious awards:the PRISM AWARD and the TV CRITICS AWARD – TV SPECIAL OF THE YEAR. Currently he’s authoring a short story series called “A Few Minutes With…”

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Guest post by David Garber: “If I thought like a cynic… ”

Posted by GottaLaff 
· Monday, April 15th, 2013 at 5:02 pm 
· No Comments 

cynical

Another guest post is by our pal and regular TPC contributor, David Garber:

A cynic sees things as they might be and says, is this possible?

I’m glad I’m not a cynic. That’s a tough job coming up with conspiracy theories, blaming others for things that are our own faults. It really would tax my limited brain and my imagination.

If I thought like a cynic, I might look at the efforts of the GOP to suppress vote as a discriminatory action against Latinos, Blacks, Asians, the elderly and any other minority who definitely don’t make up the base of that party. C’mon, you’d have be a cynic to believe that.

And if I thought like a cynic, I might believe that the war in Iraq wasn’t fully justified, that people lied to get us into that conflict for personally gain – neocons, war hawks, anti-muslims, the president and vice President who would generate huge incomes for companies they had personal stakes in.

That would just be so corrupt and irresponsible, that I’m not going to believe that. That kind of stuff is hogwash.

And now Boston. It was a terrorist act, that’s what the news people are saying. No foreign nor domestic group has claimed responsibility. If they had done this, at least in the past, they would have jumped onto this even if they hadn’t done it — just for the publicity. Good thing our responsible and rarely duped press aren’t cynics because they could have come to another conclusion.

What would that be?

Now I’m not a cynic, as I’ve stated, but a possible scenario is that the NRA, facing possible defeat in the Senate, doesn’t want to take any chances. The tragedy at Sandy Hook hasn’t gone away as they had counted on. So if it won’t go away on it’s own, how about giving us something else to fixate on for a short while, then we’ll forget our lost children in Connecticut. The press will always fall for a new shiny object.

Well, let’s hope this possible scenario is wrong. I’m a Boston boy and have special feelings for friends and family back there. But I’d hate for them to be used to diffuse other pressing issues like gun control.

I guess in my weak moment I was thinking like a cynic. Good thing I’m not one.

For the past 25 years, David Garber has been serving as the show runner and or writer on some of television’s biggest hits… Saved By The Bell, Power Rangers, 227, Bill Cosby Show and many other network series. His writing and producing have also netted David two very prestigious awards:the PRISM AWARD and the TV CRITICS AWARD – TV SPECIAL OF THE YEAR. Currently he’s authoring a short story series called “A Few Minutes With…”

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Congress “turns a deaf ear to the people they represent. Why listen to us?” Here’s why.

Posted by GottaLaff 
· Sunday, April 14th, 2013 at 1:40 pm 
· No Comments 

congress on vacation break recess

Another guest post is by our pal and regular TPC contributor, David Garber:

Thank You, Congress

 
Congress has it right.  They consistently turn a deaf ear to the people they represent.  Why listen to us?
 
 
After all, if you would let the public’s opinion sway things, consider the many ways life would dramatically change. (oh, and feel free to add to this list of ills we’d be perpetrating on ourselves if given just half a chance.) We can’t be trusted because left to our own devices, we would be demanding:
 
 
  • No touching Social Security
  • No touching Medicare
  • No oil company bailouts
  • No too large to fail or jail banks
  • No gerrymandering of voting districts
  • No warrant-less reading of our emails
  • No war in Afghanistan
  • No torture
  • No off-shore tax haven accounts
  • No tax write-offs for shipping jobs overseas
  • No tax breaks for yachts
  • No interference in the privacy of our bedrooms
  • No tax breaks for private Jets
  • No tax-less corporations like G.E.
  • No polluted air
  • No more secret and unaccountable defense spending of billions
  • No more free wars
  • No unreasonable filibuster.  Standing filibuster only.
  • No blocking investment in alternative fuels
  • No unnecessary forced ultrasound for pregnant women
 
 
And while losing all that, think of what we’d be burdening ourselves with, demanding:
 
 
  • Jobs bills
  • A reasonable Minimum Wage
  • Full recognition for same-sex marriage
  • Improved infrastructure
  • Legalized, taxed and regulated marijuana, like liquor
  • A full citizenship path for undocumented workers
  • Strict gun control
  • National fair voter registration laws
  • Tariffs on imported goods when fair trade is violated
  • Clean air
  • Fair and equal pay for Women
  • Abortion rights as upheld by Roe v. Wade
  • Restored relations with Cuba
  • Election funding reform — limits
  • Accountability with foreign aid distribution
  • Sane banking laws
  • Abolishment of lobbyists
  • Open competition in pharmaceutical markets
 
 
Congress please — protect us from ourselves… 
 
 
Thank the good lord we have the likes of John “The Boner” Boehner, Eric “Banter” Cantor, Rand “Ru” Paul, Paul “Ayn Rand” Ryan, Michele “Bonkers” Bachmann and Mitch “TheBitch” McConnell to look out for us.  Oh, and if Harry “Creepy” Reid ever wakes up from his coma, let’s thank him too.
 
 
For the past 25 years, David Garber has been serving as the show runner and or writer on some of television’s biggest hits… Saved By The Bell, Power Rangers, 227, Bill Cosby Show and many other network series. His writing and producing have also netted David two very prestigious awards:the PRISM AWARD and the TV CRITICS AWARD – TV SPECIAL OF THE YEAR. Currently he’s authoring a short story series called “A Few Minutes With…”
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Ready! Aim! Fire… your anti gun-control Rep! “Washington fears the NRA. Why not make them fear us, instead?”

Posted by GottaLaff 
· Saturday, April 13th, 2013 at 3:27 pm 
· No Comments 
firing squad
 
 
 
That sets the stage for another guest post is by our pal and regular TPC contributor, David Garber:
 
You are either for gun control or you’re against it.  You can’t be both.  If you are not for universal background checks, you are against it.  And if you are against it, you are for arming felons, domestic abusers and mentally ill to have guns.
 
Sound a bit black and white?  
 
It is.
 
Look, we have gun control regulations right now that say if you are a convicted felon, mentally impaired or guilty of spousal abuse, you may not purchase a gun.  But those regulations are only for gun stores, not for gun shows and private sales.  Why not? What’s the problem with closing this loop hole?  Who’s rights are you protecting? Not law abiding citizens. You’re fighting for criminals… Otherwise, there’s no reason to fear universal background checks. 
 
 
What the anti-gun control people want is to arm all — everyone — even the criminals, spousal abusers and the mentally challenged.  This is their interpretation of what the Second Amendment means.  And they’re wrong. 
 
 
So stop hiding behind a law that was never meant for everyone to be allowed to carry a gun, but rather to allow law abiding people to have access to them.  Legally. 
 
 
We prohibit the right to vote from convicted felons.  Why should gun ownership be any different?  
 
 
It’s about time the word “liar” is assigned to the NRA’s leadership when they claim background checks are a gateway to confiscating firearms. Liar.  
 
 
Poll after poll shows an overwhelming majority of the populace wants to be safe by keeping guns out of the hands of those who don’t qualify.  So why not use our legal weapons, our vote, to take down the candidacy of everyone who votes to make us less safe. Washington fears the NRA. Why not make them fear us, instead?
 
For the past 25 years, David Garber has been serving as the show runner and or writer on some of television’s biggest hits… Saved By The Bell, Power Rangers, 227, Bill Cosby Show and many other network series. His writing and producing have also netted David two very prestigious awards:the PRISM AWARD and the TV CRITICS AWARD – TV SPECIAL OF THE YEAR. Currently he’s authoring a short story series called “A Few Minutes With…”
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“The GOP should look at the numbers, consider the facts, and order up a Dave’s Hot ‘N Juicy.”

Posted by GottaLaff 
· Friday, March 29th, 2013 at 7:30 pm 
· 1 Comment 

wendy's hot and juicy hamburger

 Another guest post is by our pal and regular TPC contributor, David Garber:

Dispelling GOP Rumors

Seems the GOP, continuing their attempts to dismantle Obamacare — or if you go to its essence, Romneycare — have been caught with their pants down once again. No, not another sex scandal, though that’s bound to be just around the corner.

This times its in their scare tactics. The cost of this program and how it’ll negatively impact our economy — especially in the job sector.

The GOP has hungrily preyed upon the food and restaurant industry with their “the sky is falling” tactics — then telling the public how those costs are going to be passed onto the customer — putting food out of reach — especially in the fast food area. That’s where the poor and middle class often dine — not $100/couple eateries.

So shiver me timbers, I worried, what was a cheap burger going to cost me now? Two dollars? Five? Was a trip to Mickey D’s for a family of four going to require taking out a second or third mortgage on the family home — assuming a bank would even lend us money to eat.

Well, rest easy. Here’s some encouraging news, if you’re not a GOP narrow minded fear monger…

Take the national food chain Wendy’s, who rank number three nationally in burger sales. They have 5,800 food outlets. That’s a lot of employees, so they fall under the requirement to offer health care. Initially they estimated the health-care law would increase the cost of operating each of its 5,800 U.S. restaurants by $25,000 a year. But Chief Financial Officer Steve Hare told an investment conference on March 14 that “executives have cut the estimate by 80%, to $5,000 a year.” And how many burgers does Wendy’s serve? Over two billion — that’s with a “B”.

So let’s try a little math — just for generality sake. It’s not going to cost even one full cent per burger sold. Less than one cent. And qualified employees will have the option of health insurance for them and their families. They won’t be requiring public assistance to get and stay healthy.

So perhaps the GOP should look at the numbers, consider the facts, and order up a Dave’s Hot ‘N Juicy instead of the hundred dollar lunches they take daily. Wendy’s provides it’s employees insurance. Something Congress passed onto us with Obama care and now wants to take away. Choke on it, GOP.

For the past 25 years, David Garber has been serving as the show runner and or writer on some of television’s biggest hits… Saved By The Bell, Power Rangers, 227, Bill Cosby Show and many other network series. His writing and producing have also netted David two very prestigious awards:the PRISM AWARD and the TV CRITICS AWARD – TV SPECIAL OF THE YEAR. Currently he’s authoring a short story series called “A Few Minutes With…”

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Marco, Marco, Marco

Posted by GottaLaff 
· Friday, March 29th, 2013 at 6:30 am 
· 1 Comment 

rubio water I'm you

Another guest post is by our pal and regular TPC contributor, David Garber:

Marco, Marco, Marco. You had trouble keeping hydrated when you were giving your response to the SOTU address. I actually felt a bit sorry for you. All those lights and cameras, a huge at home audience. Not only were you’re words parsed and dry, but so was your mouth. I just figured it was nerves.

Then today’s speech made me think differently. There’s another reason. How about your constant putting your foot in your mouth. Some people step in poop. Other people spew it. You evidently savor the latter.

You say you want to help your fellow Hispanics, your Asian brothers, your immigrant sisters — so you come out with an immigration plan that doesn’t allow for a path to full citizenship. You prefer keeping undocumented people here, but under second class citizenship. Some heart you have. You’re some compassionate soul. But maybe I’m too quick to judge. So I took a look at your voting record and here’s what you voted:

Against: The 2013 budget, unfreezing the hiring of Federal employees, affordable medical care, timely payment of government bills, disaster relief, keeping student loan rates low, job protection and recession prevention and the bring jobs home act.

For: Limit eligibility for SNAP (supplemental nutrition), prohibiting the US from entering into a UN Arms Trade Treaty. A much shorter list.

You, like your Republican cohorts seem to be against much more than you are for. Why is that? Spineless? Void of thoughts and vision? Or just plain stupid?

Now you say you’re for sane gun control, and then from the other side of your mouth comes this today:

“We should look for ways to keep firearms out of the hands of criminals and the mentally ill prone to misusing them, but I oppose legislation that will be used as a vehicle to impose new Second Amendment restrictions on responsible, law-abiding gun owners.”

Dummy, isn’t that what background checks are supposed to do? There’s no restrictions offered up on responsible, law-abiding gun owners? How deep are you into the NRA’s back pocket?

Can’t you hear this is what nearly 90% of the country wants? Evidently you’re not listening.

So not only are you deaf, dumb and stupid, but you reek of what you have been stepping in — public sanitation waste. And you want to be president? You certainly are showing your colors — and they’re not red, white and blue. They’re diaper waste brown.

For the past 25 years, David Garber has been serving as the show runner and or writer on some of television’s biggest hits… Saved By The Bell, Power Rangers, 227, Bill Cosby Show and many other network series. His writing and producing have also netted David two very prestigious awards:the PRISM AWARD and the TV CRITICS AWARD – TV SPECIAL OF THE YEAR. Currently he’s authoring a short story series called “A Few Minutes With…”

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