Archive for comedy

Overnight: Whole Foods Parking Lot: Revenge of the Black Prius

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Whole Foods

From YouTube:

Music: del nel
-"Revenge of the Prius" single now available at the itunes store!-
Lyrics & Performance by Delia Brown
Produced by Nelson Marquez

Video:
Produced and Directed by Delia Brown
Photography by Dillon Moore
(shot on a Canon 7D and a Go Pro)
Edited by Ted Gianopulos

Appearances by:
Delia Brown, Nelson Marquez, Rick Brown, Danielle "if you've got five dollars" Vaughn, Huey Pritchard, Joel Virgel, Lisa Kellogg (www.hiphopdancer.com), Stefano Martinelli, Keith Bataille, Fernando Martinez, Frankie de Goya, Matilda the chihuahua
Shout-outs: Justine Bateman, Marianne Brown, Adam Johnston, Christine Nichols.
And especially, Thank You to Fog and Smog for the inspiration...

Lyrics

intro:
Feather hair extensions? Check.
Om tatoo? Check.
Boutique Microbrew? Check.
Lululemon leggings? Check.
Camouflage hoodie? Check.
Prius Limosine? (don't you want to ride) Check...

Verse 1:
When I rolled up, this guy in a Clippers Cap
Was flippin' flack. Who you yellin at? You can't handle the heat in the parking lot of Whole Foods? What are you, some old dudes? Yo fools! Just like the GZA is a master of the Pro Tools, I'm ballin while you're followin the old rules. Quit stallin, y'all are growin toad stools. You drink kombucha? Why you sippin O'Douls?
Please. Let me get my space. I'm not in the mood cuz I got the taste for an iced soy latte mate, in my body...
I don't know karate, but I gotta get some kale to saute, so, please move your misguided hybrid out the way. I get vociferous when shopping for cruciferous veggies...!! Lemme hear you hollah. Pop the top on your favorite Odwalla (you can get one if you've got five dollahs)!!

Chorus:
You can't handle the heat in the parking lot?
Did you run outta your prescription for medical pot?
Instead of sittin on the little shopping carts they got,
You could just park next to the Passat.
You can't handle the heat in the parking lot?
Listen man, there's a Vons right down the block.
Don't you know you got a choice where you can shop,
besides you said your kombucha is out of stock...

Verse 2:
That's right I got a date tonight, and I'm cookin. My date is tall and really good lookin. Ok, it's not a date, it's just my FBF (huh?) My fake boyfriend (what?) What, are you deaf?!
She's comin over and she's bringing her chihuahua, and if you don't move it I'm a slap you like Zsa Zsa slapped a cop, stop blockin or it's gonna get hotter...Don't make me spray you with my coconut water!!
Tom's on my feet, I'm hoping I'll meet
a hottie with allergies to dairy and wheat, so I'll
spend some time in the gluten-free aisle,
Flash him a Tom's of Maine smile,
Let him know, I do downward dog like a pro! "you want a goji berry?" - "No thanks, I gotta go..."
I don't mean to Bragg like liquid aminos, but I was just too sexy for his chinos.

[Chorus...]

Verse 3:
What? I shouldn't shop at Whole Foods cuz I'm broke? You think that I should eat an inorganic artichoke? Yo bloke, I'm no joke, I need my acai...Watch us do some tai chi...
I've got a lot of problems, not a problem with a lot,
Keep stressin me dude, and get a shot!!
Of wheat grass, or filet'd Chilean sea bass,
I keep it raw like my agave nectar sweet ass.
Oh, you're gangster cuz your tshirts made of hemp, ay?
I'm wearin a tampon made of tempeh!!
But now I gotta get to TJs. Sipping fifteen dollar pinot noir in my PJ? You think I give a f--k? I keep it real with the two-buck-chuck! what what.
(Charles Shaw up in the house.
Sauvingon blanc forevahhh)

[Chorus...fade out]
Category
Comedy
License
Standard YouTube License

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Overnight: Toddlers and Tiaras with Tom Hanks

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Tom Hanks

This is funny stuff.

From YouTube:

The fourth part of Jimmy's interview with Tom Hanks where he shares a clip of Toddlers & Tiaras.

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Ann Davis, 'Brady Bunch' Star, Dies at 88

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Ann Davis

From the Wiki on Ann Davis, coincidentally Ann Bradford Davis:

Ann Bradford Davis (May 5, 1926 – June 1, 2014) was an American television actress.[1][2]

Davis achieved prominence for her role in the NBC situation comedy, The Bob Cummings Show (1955–1959) for which she twice won the Emmy Award for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series, but she was best known for playing the part of Alice Nelson, the housekeeper in ABC's The Brady Bunch series (1969–1974).

I had not realized that the original Brady Bunch show ran only 5 years but, of course, it's been in reruns ever since - 40 years now.

Here's Time's James Poniewozik's reaction to Ann Davis's death:

Somehow Forming a Family: Why We Loved The Brady Bunch‘s Alice

From Chicagonow.com
Good bye to the lovely Ann B. Davis, a.k.a. Alice of the Brady Bunch

From YouTube: Far Out Alice

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Premature speculation: Jon Stewart skewers 2016 election coverage

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2016 election speculation Jon Stewart

premature speculation

Last time I looked, the 2016 elections come AFTER the 2014 elections, which seems obvious to those of us who can count. And who own calendars. And who aren't news dee jays. And who don't have zillions of dollars available to influence elections, dollars that they slather all over their favorite candidates and causes. So who better to mock the premature 2016 election speculation glut than-- ta daa!-- Jon Stewart on The Daily Show.

Presenting "Democalypse 2014: 2016 Foreplay Edition," the "prespeculation hypotheticals":

Jon Stewart:

Why speculate about the near future-- when you can speculate about the far future? Coming up: Your ten day forecast!-- For next February...

Clinton v. Bush! Thank god we fought a bloody war against England so that political power would no longer be consolidated in but one family, because in my mind, two just makes sense...

Does this mean [Hillary's] hungry for 2016? ... We don't know. Because we can't know. But still. What?...

I wonder if old Wyatt Oops [Rick Perry] is gonna get back in the saddle?... I know what he's doing!... He's going from the handsome bimbo to the bookworm!

He said that in reference to Perry's "glasses of ensmartenment."

And he didn't forget to skewer the Bushes. NosirreeGeorge.

H/t: The Week

jon stewart Hillary Clinton 2016 election speculation

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"Get the Government Out of my Phuquing Snatch!" #VeepGetsIt

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Veep

Written by guest contributor, "hardybear" of the wonderful Free Range Talk site:

"Maybe I should just say 'Get the government out of my fucking snatch!!!' " [As exclamation point-worthy as it gets.]

Honestly, what sane modern woman fighting this War hasn't wanted to yell out that line? At the top of her lungs and hopefully amongst a crowd that included that rare commodity: listening penises!

It was no shock when HBO's Veep was announced to be worthy of a Season Four this week, it's managed to be a show both about nothing AND wittily expose actual Village Idiot D.C. politics. Julia Louis Dreyfus totally took it there on the new and improved abortion crazee. [An homage by Elaine Benes dance would indeed be appropriate here.]

ifonly

HBO has tendencies toward embed-a-phobia, but Jezebel came through on the Veep video clip. Enjoy.  …  Right?!!!

Season 3 opened with the gobsmackingly brilliant Breaking Newz that Hollywood Veep Selina Meyer would be under-valued and overlooked a LOT less now that her phantom nemesis had Decided Not To Run - again. [POTUS wears the Vera of 'Cheers', Maris of 'Frasier' and How-ard's Jewish Mother of 'Big Bang' comedy cloak of invisibility, but three seasons is enough of him.]

republicans-in-your-vagina

Glass Ceiling Opening … Swarm, swarm! Leonard Cohen is doing "Hallelujah" in the background, and we won't even have to divisively debate former PUMA crimes and Hillary's flaws for reals yet. What is female liberal happiness???

Episode Two, The Choice, brought the Post-Lipton Brigade World back to clarity if you arrived standard with a uterus. How could the white, male and exiting POTUS Stick It to the female Veep? Announce he's devolved, and is now Pro-Life. Suddenly, No Choice For You!

Selina’s swift and spot-on response; “I do not mean to sound paranoid, but he is trying to kill me.”  The truly Ick frosting ... she gets to explain The Administration's Shift on this to the country on GMA. Out come the white boards and the let the staff meltdowns commence.

trunk-300x206

 

'I realize that life is precious ... And so are the hard, gulp, won freedoms', she envisions stuttering to yet another panicked PACcer or prying pundit on The Dante's Circle Morning Show Circuit ... desperately trying to quote her precise position from her latest book. That she didn't precisely pen. 'I need more than this pastel-ly shit!!' was her actual position.

Pan ahead to the Reality Tour. POTUS became PROTUS, SCROTUS is screwing women on auto-pilot despite representation and the Veep's staff is held together by two strong women, Tony Hale and some high-end boob tape.


Selena has been catapulted back to our reality of gridlocked, lock-jawed apathy fighting the 2014 Teavangelical Koched Up Wackadoo. And all she is armed with is this un-enlightening passage from 'her' book: “Freedom means the freedom to choose how to use that freedom to protect the freedom of others.”

"I can't get POTUS to wave his transvaginal wand and make it all go away," gets declared with the perfect soupçon of Lady Parts Issues Angst mid-shitestorm.

Any Veep looking for the Oval Office drape-measuring permissions has to find the G-spot on abortion in this country or may as well just Step Off.

 

I bow to Laffy as about the most fluent speaker of Seinfeld of anyone I've ever encountered, so over-references were compulsory - please excuse or improve upon. ;) #AllRoadsLeadToSeinfeld

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Fox News: Let's School The Lefties On Food Stamps

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Fox

Boy, when you want to tell a whopper of a tale, there's nobody better than the news writers over at Fox News. They can spin a simple getting a sliver in your finger into a conspiracy from the wood products industry along with the physicians and surgeons guild (if there really was one) to rampantly perform amputations to boost up the artificial limbs industry.

Face it, they never met a factual molehill they couldn't turn into a mountain. And there's no one better at pointing out these absurdities than Jon Stewart.

We all know that the recent, racial animus that our Republican House and Senate members have been espousing lately is well documented by their promotion department, aka Fox News. It's down with food stamps because it enables lazy Blacks (actually a majority or recipients are white) to sit home and eat well. Paul Ryan, of brown paper bag fame wants to eliminate school lunches altogether because we shouldn't be encouraging lazy urban (read minority) single parents not to look for jobs. And hey, what's with that awful extension of the long term unemployment bill the Senate voted on the other day? That's again so totally wrong. If the unmotivated, unemployed (in GOP talk, that's code for minorities) don't want to work, why should we reward them?

In response to The Daily Show's mocking of Fox New's biased and bigoted reporting, the Rupert Murdoch stooges chose to take on Jon Stewart and Comedy Central. They elected to "school" the comedian/satirist. Bad move, Fox. You had to know your outrageous 'response-to-the-response' was coming. And boy, did it ever. Stewart eviscerates Fox like he's dueling with an unarmed man. Watch:

Sorry - we're having trouble with the 'embed' code for this story. Here's the direct link:

http://media.mtvnservices.com/embed/mgid:cms:video:thedailyshow.com:433733

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What's Next, GOP? Food Stamps Can Be Used For Space Flights?

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Herman Cain

Remember Herman "999" Cain? He not only ran for President in the primaries leading up to the 2012 elections as a Republican, he was at one time their leading candidate. Then even the Republicans questioned if they'd trust this guy enough to buy a pizza from him.

Now in the Republican party, we all know that you can fall quickly -- take 2004 GOP nominee, John McCain. He's been having his problems of late, according to yesterday's story in Politico:

Sen. John McCain is the least popular senator in the country of those surveyed by Public Policy Polling, with low marks from members of his own party, independents and Democrats.

Ah, John. So universally disliked. I guess that's why the Republicans turned to a food expert to deliver the latest lie about food stamps and how they can be used. Those rascally Republicans, they just removed the "Mc" from McCain and got good ol' Cain. Herman Cain. Food entrepreneur and prevaricator extraordinaire.

Jon Stewart calls him out on it quite eloquently.

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