Archive for clusterfox

Weekly jobless claims fall, federal deficit narrows, retail sales better-than-expected #BlameObama

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jobless claims unemployment down

Jobless claims fell? What? Did anyone tell the Republicans? Why yes, yes someone did. Fox Business did! As you can see by this email alert that magically appeared in my inbox, Fox Biz is letting everyone know, even the GOP, that jobless claims fell just when Wall Street expected the opposite to happen. Damn you, Fox Biz! Just when we crazy lefties were having field day after field day mocking Fox in general, you have to go and ruin everything with some upbeat economic news!

but wait there's more smaller

But that's not all, nosireeBob! Defying the usual Debbie Downer expectations, retail sales went up! Up, I say! Or rather, Fox Biz say. Or rather, the Commerce Department say. What's a poor conservative to do? Other than wish for a lousier economy, that is, because if they don't have bad news to report, they can't-- say it with me now-- Blame Obama:

The number of Americans filing for first-time unemployment benefits fell last week to 315,000 from an upwardly revised 324,000 the week prior. Wall Street was looking for claims to rise to 330,000 from an initially reported 323,000.

The Commerce Department reports retail sales rose 0.3% in February, slightly higher than the 0.2% pick-up economists expected. Excluding the auto segment, sales rose 0.3%, verses expectations of a 0.2% gain.

But wait! There's even more! And again, from Fox Biz, this just in! Literally:

BREAKING NEWS: February Budget Deficit Narrows

The U.S. federal government posted a budget deficit of $193.5 billion in February, down from $203.5 billion in the same month last year. For fiscal 2014, the deficit is running at $377.4 billion, also less than the $494 billion deficit from the same period in fiscal 2013.

blame Obama 2

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Oops! Fox News [sic] misspells "Spelling Bee": VIDEO

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fox misspells Spelling Bee

oops

Fox News [sic] is even lamer and more inept than we thought, and that's saying something. We owe Politico big time for this one:

Psst! Fox News (Did I say "news"? I didn't mean to. That gives them way too much legitimacy.)! If you're going to make a typo, it's probably a good idea to avoid making one during a segment on a spelling bee, don'tcha think?

clusterfoxThen again, attention to detail and accuracy has never been their strong suit.

Or should that have been "deetale and akyurassy"?

Added: As @Xaron4 just tweeted to me, "Their viewers never noticed." Perfect.

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Weekly Jobless Claims Fall to 331,000 #BlameObama

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jobless claims unemployment down

UPDATE: Congratulations to the Senate GOP: You just blocked jobless benefits for people who want to, you know, keep eating.

Original post:

Fox Biz continues to insist on sending me email alerts about jobless claims dipping, and I continue to share them with you; I know how heavily The Political Carnival readers rely upon and trust Fox, so who am I to deny you?

Now we all know what a French gay Kenyan commie fascist Marxist socialist President Obama is. We know that because Wall Street is doing so well.

We also remember the zeal with which his White House predecessor boosted our economy, so clearly, the snail's pace efforts to pull out of our economic doldrums is all Obama's fault. Republicans have nothing to do with it. Especially House Republicans. Especially House Republicans who have done everything in their power to obstruct the president.

However, despite the GOP's imaginative (or is that, imaginary?) plans to revive the economy, despite their endless declarations to reach out to women and minorities, despite their plans to slash and privatize Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security, despite their stomping all over President Obama's stimulus proposals, we've managed to add jobs.

So kudos, GOP! America owes you a debt of gratitude for doing everything under the sun to succeed... by blocking, smearing, misinforming, and lying your way into the dubious honor of being the least productive Congress in U.S. history! And because of that adorable strategy, these numbers could be even lower; but those on the right would have none of that, because their success depends on PBO's failure:

The number of Americans filing for first-time unemployment benefits fell last week to 331,000 from an upwardly revised 351,000. Wall Street expected claims to fall to 335,000 from an initially-reported 348,000.

This Moment of Snarkitude has concluded. Now back to our liberal Kenyan socialist Marxist program already in progress... emphasis on "progress."

blame obama Bush's fault smaller

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Private Sector Adds 238,000 Jobs in December #BlameObama

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doonesbury jobs smaller

As David's "GOP To Starving Unemployed: Live With It. I'm Getting My Nails Done" pointed out, the GOP isn't interested in helping Americans get jobs.

Despite their reluctance, there are glimmers of good employment news, and (!) Fox Biz (!) is the one bringing them to us. Because Da Foxers are just. That. Good.

Now, I realize how you all clamor for more reporting from Fox, and believe me, I scrounge around for all the ClusterFoxisms I can, because they are clearly an impeccable, consistently reliable source for right wing propaganda honest news stories.

After some digging around in my inbox, I found an example of their exemplary work:

A report from payroll processor ADP shows 238,000 private-sector jobs were added in December, well above estimates of 200,000.

See? See how they sneaked in a professionally and accurately reported newsflash? Isn't that just like them, those scamps.

I am now removing my firmly implanted tongue from my cheek.

blame obama Bush's fault smaller

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"Rare black Santa... our children can relate to." Oh, and Megyn Kelly "would not have been considered 'white.'"

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Santa

black Santa

Melissa Harris-Perry wrote an astute, thought-provoking letter to Santa Claus in response to the ongoing mind-boggling controversy that is still all too prevalent in the year 2013:

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Additionally, the Los Angeles Times devoted quite a bit of well-deserved print space to a heartwarming piece about a beloved Los Angeles mall Santa Claus, a 77-year-old man named Langston Patterson:

For nearly a decade, Patterson has been the main attraction at Baldwin Hills Crenshaw Plaza during Christmastime: a rare black Santa Claus in a sea of white ones.

The mall, located in the heart of black Los Angeles, is one of the few in the country with a black Santa Claus. Some say Patterson is the only black shopping-mall Santa Claus in the Los Angeles area.

As visitors approached him on a recent afternoon, it was hard to tell who was more excited: the youngsters or the adults. The parents are the most loyal. They return with grandchildren, passing on a family tradition with a deep personal meaning.

Better not tell Fox's Megyn Kelly; she might "jest" about it.

Speaking of the Megster, check out this Moment of Must Read from Juan Cole:

So while St. Nikolaos would probably be considered “white” in today’s America, he would not necessarily have been in the early twentieth century.

Likewise, a Jew from Nazareth would definitely not have been considered “white” by many Protestant Americans in the early twentieth century. There would have been social clubs he couldn’t have gotten into.

But here’s the kicker. Megyn Kelly has an Irish name, and if she is Irish-American, then she would not have been considered “white” by many Protestant northerners in the nineteenth century.

So let's get a few things straight:

Everyone is born covered with skin whose function it is to keep our blood, bones, and organs in place, and that skin has pigment, sometimes more, sometimes less. More pigment means more protection from the sun and inexplicably, more contempt and inequality. Less pigment means more vulnerability and requires a higher SPF, and inexplicably, less ridicule and torment and more privilege.

Religion is "belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, esp. a personal God or gods." Belief in a god or some other higher power is not innate, it is taught. We are raised a certain way, trained, and eventually accept or reject our religious/non-religious upbringing.

Prejudice, bigotry, racism, discrimination are also learned and cultivated; toddlers are not racists. Babies do not shun other babies based on their skin tone, nor are they repulsed by anyone's sexual orientation.

People are different. Their world views are different. Their colors, languages, appearances, physical, and psychological configurations are different. Their experiences are different.

We are a huge and diverse crowd that shares one planet, we always have been, we always will be.

Get over it, people. We are woefully-- painfully-- overdue to finally accept and embrace all of those myriad traits, characteristics, beliefs, non-beliefs, hues, heights, weights, and varieties of human beings that inhabit Earth. We live together in one enormous place, and not one of us is better than the other because of where we were born, who we love, what we do or don't believe in, or our genetic make-up. Not. One.

That discussions like these still consume so much media space, debate time, and human energy is bewildering. Then again, that Fox calls itself a news station and continues to draw viewers is equally bewildering.

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Payback time: You want speculation, news media? Fine. Let's speculate about you for a change.

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payback time

Day in and day out, I watch, read, listen, and write about news. And because I do so much watching, reading, and listening. I tend to notice recurring themes. A major recurring theme is how much time the so-called "news" [sic] media spends on speculation.

breaking speculation

Most of that speculation centers on the 2016 presidential election, focusing specifically on Hillary Clinton vs (currently) Chris Christie. Newsflash, "journalists": It's only 2013, and you started this endless loop of What Ifs the day after Election 2012. This is ludicrous. This is not news, this is meaningless filler and a shameless ploy used to pull in viewers.

And hey viewers, how about you stop enabling?

Then again, there is very little "real" news reporting any more, not since news departments became commercialized all those years ago. Not since it became all about profit, which news stories sell, which headlines attract ratings, and as a result, attract sponsors and their buckets of money.

And don't get me started on media bias. The CBS "60 Minutes" Benghazi story scandal is only the latest, and if you're a regular reader, you know that the Sunday morning talk shows have an obvious rightward slant.

But back to that nasty speculation habit. When you watch the "news" shows, you see them produce hours upon hours of What If about future elections, about the *gasp!* doomed fate of the Affordable Care Act, about which freedoms we might lose if we don't do something about some catastrophe that might or might not happen, about which new scandal *could* result from Darrell Issa's umpteenth witch hunt about absolutely everything/nothing.

You can actually see concrete examples of all this speculation in their  TV chyrons, like, Low Obamacare enrollment numbers: Sign of problems to come?"; "A third 'Bush' in office?"; "Will the world end in 2012? Many people believe so." We get a ton of cowardly headlines in the form of a question, Alex, so that nobody has to commit to actual, you know, reporting.

Facts schmacts.

Well now it's our turn. News outlets want to speculate? Fine. Let's turn the tables and speculate about them for a change:

  • Will Fox finally become defunct when Americans wake up and realize they're a bunch of propagandists and liars? You decide.
  • Will MSNBChristie require financial assistance when viewers revolt after O.D.ing on their constant fawning over the ::cough!:: "moderate" New Jersey photo op glutton? Who knows?
  • Will ABC's ratings take a fatal plunge the next time syrupy panel regular Peggy Noonan condescends ad nauseam on "This Week"? We'll find out.
  • Will CNN change its name to Comedy Central 2 when they become self aware enough to realize what a parody they've become? It's anybody's guess.
  • "Some say" cable news has crossed a line by being bought and paid for by right wing corporate cash monsters who find themselves more than a little obsessed with Christie, Ted Cruz, Sarah Palin, Rand Paul, Marsha Blackburn, Reince Priebus, Marco Rubio, John Boehner, John McCain, and Lindsey Graham. Could this spell trouble for attracting future investors? We'll have to wait and see.
  • "Anonymous sources" tell The Political Carnival that the glut of Big Pharma ads-- especially for Cialis-- that saturate cable news channels could lead to a revolt among increasingly hypochondriacal viewers, specifically bathtub owners. True? We can't say for sure.
  • We're hearing that air time spent on trivia-- like how many shoppers are lining up to buy the new iPhone, instead of on hard news stories-- could possibly-- we're speculating here-- cause riots among viewers with functioning brains. More on that as details emerge.
  • Rumors abound about the habit and practice of cable show hosts inviting other cable show hosts to provide commentary that they just gave on their own shows. Incestuous? Tweet us with your answers.
  • We're learning-- well, we've heard-- well, okay, we overheard-- that cable news viewers are about to retaliate en masse over all the in-house backslapping, "my friend" references, "be safe" cautions, and insufferable book plugs. True or false? At this point, we can only make an educated guess.

speculation what do I know

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VIDEO: Weiner v. Hannity aka Baby v. Infant

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kids fighting

Anthony Weiner, if you didn't want to be on Fox, then you shouldn't have accepted their eleventy-third offer. And if you've been even semi-conscious for the past decade and had some idea of the lunacy you'd be up against, then maybe you'd have realized what a colossal waste of time this was.

Seriously, when Sean Hannity spends a good part of the first four minutes of an eight minute segment asking if the rumors are true that Weiner "hates me," what's the point?

And when Weiner asks, "What am I, a potted plant?" then it doesn't take a mental giant to see that the interview is going straight downhill from there...

...including the part where Hannity deluded himself into thinking he had the upper hand by taunting:

"You're auditioning for MSNBC. You want Chris Matthews job! I can tell! You want to ask the questions! You wanna be Chris Matthews! You never shut up like Chris Matthews, either!"

neener nanner tv

To which Weiner retorted as any self-respecting toddler would:

"YOU always have patsies on!... Fox apparently has much lower standards!"

That little back and forth took up most of the final four minutes.

Moral of the story: Don't go on Fox unless you're prepared to be insulted, baited, and dismissed as nothing more than a novelty act. And if you still insist on crossing onto Hannity's turf, then don't stoop to his infantile behavior.

kids fight in back seat of car

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