Archive for bad jokes

Conservative comedy: "So 20,000 illegals sneak into a bar..."


cartoons conservative comedy

I don't know how Garry Trudeau does it, day after day, week after week, year after year. But he does. He takes the best, funniest, most painfully effective swipes at those who deserve them. He does that better than just about anyone in the funny papers. He rarely misses. Trudeau, IMHO, is the Jon Stewart of comic strips, even when I don't agree with him, just as I sometimes disagree with Stewart. Today he hits his target... again. His Sunday "Doonesbury" skewers what he calls "conservative comedy", demonstrating what an oxymoron that phrase is.

And while spotlighting conservatives' substandard sense of funny, Trudeau manages to illuminate the sad fact that they still get laughs... inadvertently. Remember the ClusterFox epic fail at a Daily Show rip-off, "The 1/2 Hour News Hour"? Painful. We aren't laughing with them, we are laughing at them.

And while making that point, Trudeau makes an even bigger one. He calls out their bigotry and prejudice, whether it's aimed at "hippies" or "wetbacks." Considering the GOP House immigration bill fiasco, this episode's timing couldn't have been better. Say it with me: Gotta laugh or you cry.

Take it away, Mr. Trudeau:

doonesbury conservative comedy immigration



James Carville: “Running for president is like sex." Well, not exactly.


mccain palin morning after smaller

Because, you know, we just haven't beaten this dead horse long enough.

Via Maureen Dowd's column, "Can We Get Hillary Without the Foolery?":

It’s such a silly question. Of course Hillary is running. I’ve never met a man who was told he could be president who didn’t want to be president. So naturally, a woman who’s told she can be the first commandress in chief wants to be.

Running for president is like sex,” James Carville told me. “No one ever did it once and forgot about it.

But enough about Hillary. We have president/sex snarkitude to indulge in:

1. If running for president is like sex, then it's clear that a whole lot of candidates are in dire need of Viagra.

2. Memorable, sure. But pleasurable? Team Romney, your thoughts?

3. Wait. We all know Carville knows a thing or two about presidential campaigns. He's never had forgettable sex? (Bygones)

Via the L.A. Times

Via the L.A. Times

4. If running for president was like sex for George W. Bush (pass the brain bleach), that explains why he screwed the country.

5. Is there a morning after pill?

6. Or mirth control?

7. Why are we the ones who need protection?

8. Running for president is like sex, huh? To Republicans, more like a one blight stand.

9. Yet so many anti-choice Republicans have aborted campaigns.

10. If a candidate feels pressured into running, is it "legitimate" sex?

11. And if a candidate pulls out early... ?

I could go on forever. I'm done now. Your turn.

smoke after sex I never looked


John McCain's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Joke


John McCain

Remember when John McCain thought this was funny?

It wasn't. It wasn't funny.

Again-- and I say this as someone who has performed and taught comedy for years-- if your audience isn't laughing, it's not funny. If you have to explain yourself, it's not funny.

What's that old saying? If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck. Or a tasteless joke.

But that doesn't stop Cranky McLowbrow.

Via First Read:

Always one to speak -- or Tweet -- his mind, Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) Monday made a joke comparing Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to a monkey, something one Republican congressman charged was “racist.”

I retort, you deride:

tweet mccain iran racist joke monkeyLink

What a knee-slapper, huh? He sure knows how to turn a phrase. And Senator Undiplomatic had the nerve to rip into Chuck Hagel? Then again, war-monger McCain would do just about anything to provoke Iran.

When people responded with disgust, here was his thoughtful, sensitive reply:

tweet mccain iran racist joke monkey 2Link

Which brought this accusation of racism from Michigan congressman Rep. Justin Amash:

tweet mccain iran racist joke monkey 3Link

His feeble attempts at humor are already pretty wizened, Rep. Amash.


VIDEO: The worst jokes ever, courtesy of very unfunny Republicans at the RNC convention



Don't quit your day jobs.

On second thought, do quit your day jobs. You're lousy at those, too.

Debbie Wasserman Schultz on Hardball just now:

"The joke is, apparently, that Mike Huckabee is unfamiliar with the voice of a strong woman."


The joke is on the GOP


According to the president's autobiography, “Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance,” when Barack Obama was between six and ten years old and living in Indonesia, his stepfather fed him dog meat (among other exotic foods) to take "on the powers of whatever he ate: One day soon, he promised, he would bring home a piece of tiger meat for us to share.” ABC has more details here.

At six, or even ten, some kids are still eating paste (I suspect Glenn Beck still does), so whatever a parent puts in front of a kid at dinner time is what they must, and usually will, chow down. Their judgment hasn't exactly peaked yet (nor has some adults', as I'm about to remind you).

At age 36, Willard M. Romney stuck his dog in a crate atop his FamilyMobile and hosed him down after he defecated down the car window, then put him back in the kennel and continued the twelve-hour long trek to Canada. He chose to do that. He consciously abused his own dog. A six-to-ten-year-old Barack Obama would have undoubtedly had better judgment.

To recap, a boy ate what his dad served him at the dinner table, and an adult forced his sick, miserable, wet dog to get back into a cage on the roof of a car for more hours of cramped, cold, intestinal misery.

That was then, this is now.

Via Taegan, Sarah Palin on Fox News, responding to a Secret Service joke about checking Palin out:

"Well check this out, bodyguard -- you're fired. And I hope his wife sends him to the doghouse. As long as he's not eating the dog, along with his former boss."

Funny stuff, Sarah. Who writes your material, John McCain?

Via Taegan, McCain tweeted:

No, Republicans, you can't justify your presumptive presidential candidate mistreating his own pet by mocking something that Barack Obama did (involuntarily) as a young boy. It doesn't work that way, and it draws attention right back to your own disastrous choice to run against President Obama.

That's called tasteless. And it's also a big ol' "backfire." Say it with me. Backfire.

The only real joke is the Republican party.


VIDEO: New Republican pipeline ad mocks Rachel Maddow


The people [sic] at the NRCC behind this ad are predictably living down to their reputations for awkward, often non-existent senses of humor.

On the upside, Rachel (and others) is winning the anti-Keystone XL argument, which is clearly making the Tar Sands Pipeline Disaster-in-Waiting supporters pretty squirmy.

Proponents claim this potentially calamitous gift to Big Oil will create jobs, but it doesn’t.

They also think this video is clever and/or funny, but it isn't.

Via The Hill:

Republicans are poking fun at liberal MSNBC host Rachel Maddow in their bid to gain political traction for the proposed Keystone XL oil sands pipeline.

The National Republican Congressional Committee has a new Web ad riffing on MSNBC spots that feature Maddow in front of the Hoover Dam calling for the nation to think big on infrastructure.

One more silver lining: We'll (hopefully) get to see Rachel's response, which is sure to live up to her reputation for taking a scalpel to her misguided detractors... with a smile.


VIDEO- Newt Gingrich mocks President Obama: "Unlike the president, I study AMERICAN history."


This was at a town hall meeting in Naples, Florida.

When you have to stoop to tired old teleprompter jokes, you've already been Newtered.

Via The Shark Tank.