Archive for awards

Academy Awards sequel: "Gravity: #Christie stars as huge disintigrating space station."

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academyawards

It's Academy Awards Day! Yippee! Welcome to my vice, my chocolate, my drug of choice, and my food binge all wrapped up in one self-congratulatory, gaudy, narcissistic, glitzy, decadent, glamorous, self-indulgent crazy fun package during which nobody is allowed to call, text, email, or interrupt me in any way whatsoever.

Yes, I'm a twelve-year-old fan girl. But what else would you expect from a former TV/stage actress/writer/director? I live for this stuff, despite the embarrassing amount of money and attention spent on stars who regularly receive an embarrassing amount of money and attention.

I am a Red Carpet addict in search of a meeting:

"I am Laffy and I am an Academy Awards-aholic."

"Hi Laffy!"

I gobble this stuff up the way the media eats up Hillary Clinton 2016 speculation. However, I don't give one damn about who is wearing whom, and I resent every swag bag handed out to 1%ers who need freebies the way John Boehner needs another drink.

I do find myself ogling, admiring, and critiquing the Botoxed, lifted, tucked stars morphing into mere shadows of their pre-altered selves; and I have no problem snarking about every minute of the festivities-- including the embarrassingly groveling interviewers-- with Mr. Laffy while guzzling wine from my Sippy Cup.

Did I mention how grateful I am for high def Tee Vee Machines? Say it with me now: I am an equal opportunity Academy Awards reveler in the good, the bad, the ugly, the glammy, and the inevitably awkward.

I laugh, I groan, I get misty-eyed, frustrated, angry, and triumphant for three-plus seemingly endless hours of long-winded self-promotion by the glitterati and ABC alike.

So I admit it, this is my one Very Special night to be as superficial, catty, annoyed, and appreciative as I want, and often bored. I own it without reservation. So there.

Which brings me to this excellent series of images by Steve Brodner. He calls the collection "This Year's Oscar Nominees Kickstart Next Year's Sequels." The following is but a taste of how beautifully he combined the world of politics with 2014's Best Picture nominees, so please go here for the rest:

Oscars and politics cartoon Academy Awards Chris Christie, Koch Brothers via Steve Brodner

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2014 Political Animal Awards- #Christie Big Shoes to Fill Award: WI Gov. Scott Walker

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awards red carpet

Another guest post by the one, the only Will Durst who's having a little fun with the annual Silly Season O' Awards, aka, the ever popular "Who are you wearing?" Moments of Superficiality. We here in Hollywood-adjacent areas and elsewhere refer to these awards events as "Why do even unemployed celebrities get free swag worth thousands while the rest of us unemployed slobs get eviction notices?"

But I digress. Will Durst offers us a mostly political version as only he can:

2014 POLITICAL ANIMAL AWARDS

For all those who have spent the last couple of months shoveling out a car, you should know we’re at the tail end of awards season. And best be advised to hunker in a bunker wearing a Kevlar overcoat, because gold plated statues are being tossed about like air kisses at a gown fitting. Like clouds of bathroom hair spray during Oscar Nominee Luncheons. Like jaded eyes at a press screening of Transformers 4.

We here at Durstco are not too proud to jump eyes wide shut headfirst onto the shiny awards bandwagon with a great flying leap and sticky squid tentacle sleeves to prevent overshooting. In our dubious presentations, eligible recipients are the phony, pompous and duplicitous. Elected officials predominate but anyone in the news qualifies as a nominee.

Finally, we’d like to thank our friends and family and everybody like us and us. And all you kids out there growing up different, trying to hang onto a dream. Because without dreams, you’re like a Rottweiler without a spleen. So now, running the risk of spraining a wrist patting ourselves on the back, here they are; the 2014 Political Animal Awards.

THE WE’LL CROSS THAT BRIDGE WHEN WE COME TO IT AWARD: Chris Christie.
BEST DISAPPEARING ACT: Mitt Romney.
WORST DISAPPEARING ACT: Bill Clinton.
THE CHRIS CHRISTIE BIG SHOES TO FILL AWARD: Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker.
THE LET’S ALL HOLD HANDS AND SING KUMBAYA AWARD: US President Barack Obama.
THE LET’S NOT ALL HOLD HANDS AND SING KUMBAYA AWARD: Russian President Vladimir Putin.
THE “OH GOD NO, NOT YOU AGAIN” AWARD: Ted Nugent.
THE THINKING THROUGH HIS WRONG BRAIN AWARD: French President Francois Hollande.
THE WHY WON’T ANYONE RETURN MY CALLS AWARD: Michele Bachmann.
THE DUMBER THAN HE LOOKS AWARD: Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.
THE NOT AS DUMB AS HIS HAIR LOOKS AWARD: Donald Trump. Again.
THE GROCERY SHOPPING WITH SALMAN RUSHDIE AWARD: Edward Snowden.
THE IF HE WAS A HORSE, THEY WOULD HAVE SHOT HIM 10 YEARS AGO AWARD: Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid.
BEST MAKE OVER: The Vatican.
THE PIXIE DUST AWARD: a gift from we Baby Boomers to all the Gen Xers who start turning 50 next year.
THE WE ARE THE EVIL EMPIRE AWARD: The US Defense Department for using drone strikes on American citizens.
THE MOST EFFECTIVE SPOKESPERSON EVER FOR FAMILY PLANNING AWARD: Kim Jong Un.
PROOF THAT SOME SPECIES EAT THEIR YOUNG FOR A REASON AWARD: Justin Bieber.
THE MANNEQUINS R’ US LIFELIKE AWARD: Wresting it away from Al Gore, John Kerry.
MENSA’S SMARTEST MAN OF THE YEAR AWARD: Pussy Riot.
THE WON’T EVEN STEP FOOT IN AN OLIVE GARDEN AWARD: Amanda Knox.
BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN TECHNICOLOR: House Majority Leader John Boehner.
THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN AMERICA AWARD: For the 3rd year in a row… Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s doctor.
BEST ACTRESS: Hillary Clinton for her convincing portrayal of a woman unsure of her role in the 2016 Presidential race.
THE HEY GUYS. I’M STILL IN THE ROOM AWARD: Vice President Joe Biden.
THE YOUR FIFTEEN MINUTES WERE UP THIRTY MINUTES AGO AWARD: Anthony Weiner.
THE LEAST LIKELY TO WIN THE NAACP’S WOMAN OF THE YEAR AWARD AWARD: Megyn Kelly.
THE TED CRUZ MAN OF THE YEAR AWARD: Ted Cruz.

Will Durst is an award- winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com to find about more about his new CD, “Elect to Laugh” and calendar of personal appearances.

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"Such is glamour in the age of lunatics with guns."

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NOTE TO READERS:

We are trying our very best to ease back into posting, which will likely be spotty for a few days as we regain our composure following Paddy's untimely death. We are still reeling, doing what we can to keep TPC going and figuring out changes in format.

So please bear with us, and thank you all from the bottom of our hearts for caring, commenting, and donating to her family to help them with funeral arrangements. You mean the world to us, and always did to our Paddy.

Life goes on...

gun crazy

David Horsey Golden Globes

The talented cartoonist David Horsey commented on one aspect of the Golden Globes that I hadn't seen anywhere else: Security at show biz awards shows, or as I like to call it, guns 'n' poses. The panel above was one of four.

In my morning edition of the Los Angeles Times, he added a line to the above comic that the online version inexplicably left out:

"Such is glamour in the age of lunatics with guns."

All that was missing was:

"Who are you wearing?"

"Glock!"

This particular strip points out the irony of the film industry which makes zillions of dollars on movies that regularly feature (and profit from) violent and graphic depictions of homicides, shoot-outs, all sorts of crimes, and of course, suicides, all at the point of glorified guns.

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Hop On The Feminist Porn Band Wagon, Ladies and Gents

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feminist porn

Well, it seems there's straight porn, there's gay porn, there's interracial porn, there's bi-sexual porn, there's sado-masochistic porn, there's good porn, bad porn, soft porn, hard porn, illegal porn and now we've got a new one to add to the list. Feminist porn.

Yup, that's right. In these days of relaxed or eased restrictions on allowing people to be who and what they are, there's progression in the porn industry as well. For a while, there was something referred to as "porn for women." It seems that's now been replaced.

HuffPo: 

As people such as James Deen have pointed out, claiming that women need specially-made pornography just because of their gender seems to lump all women's sexuality together. Feminist porn, on the other hand, sounds like something we could get on board with.

Well, it seems you can't get much more authoritative in the porno business than star, James Deen. I'm not a prude. I've done my homework. I know who he is. But I'm not so sure I know what he means by feminist porn. So, I turned to that bastion of all things women, Cosmo:

Feminist pornographers are committed to gender equality and social justice. Feminist porn is ethically produced porn, which means that performers are paid a fair wage and they are treated with care and respect; their consent, safety, and well-being are critical, and what they bring to the production is valued. Feminist porn explores ideas about desire, beauty, pleasure, and power through alternative representations, aesthetics, and filmmaking styles. Feminist porn seeks to empower the performers who make it and the people who watch it.

Feminist pornographer and sex educator Tristan Taormino (love her name, BTW) sums it all up:

Feminist porn isn't "porn for women" at all -- just ethically-made pornography that shows women enjoying themselves.

Now with that kind of endorsement, I'm going to go check out some viewing for me and my wife but I'm going to look to make sure it's got the Feminist Porn Seal of Approval.

Gosh, I wonder what that icon looks like?

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