Archive for 2016 presidential election

Rick Perry's smug shot: It's all about exposure, exploitation, aka politics as usual

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

Rick Perry booking photo mug shot

 Another snark-filled guest post by the one, the only Will Durst, who's having a little fun with Texas Governor Rick Perry. Take it away, Will:

SMUG SHOTS

Knew he shouldn’t. Couldn’t help himself. Talking about the beaming leer in Rick Perry’s mug shot. Or to be more precise, his smug shot. In the photo released by the Austin Police Department, the Texas Governor grins like a Cheshire Cat who just cleaned out the canary department of a PetSmart and is presetting his Lexus’ GPS for another store.

Because he vetoed the budget of the Travis County Attorney General who refused to resign following a drunken driving conviction, Perry is now being indicted on two federal felony counts relating to abuse of power. Which for a politician is real similar to being accused of breathing through their mouths. No big deal. The loyal opposition is programmed to consider all power abusive. A fact extensively covered in the freshman orientation pamphlet.

The three reasons he’s smirking are obvious. One: there’s a better chance of being struck by lightning while holding Charlize Theron’s purse stuffed with winning Powerball tickets, than being convicted. Two: he can wear these charges as a loud red badge of partisan courage, rekindling presidential aspirations. As for the third thing… well, he’ll have to get back to you. Ooops.

This is all proof that today- any and or all publicity is good publicity. Andy Warhol’s future has arrived and taken over the conference room. Famous for 15 minutes. That’s the goal. You don’t have to be talented or accomplished or good looking or an artist or even credible. Just get your name and face out there. Get on television. Even basic cable. By hook or by crook or by booking photo.

Arianna Huffington sold her website to AOL for $315 million based on the business model of rounding up scores of scripting serfs who will write for free. With 7 series and a spate of spin- offs, the Bravo Network has practically given up on narrative programming, morphing into the Real Housewives or Women be Fighting and Stuff Network. The Weather Channel has a new reality show called 3 Fat Guys in the Woods, which infringes on absolutely no fairness in advertising doctrines. Anybody can be a star. Build your brand. We’re all one viral post away from the big time.

The NFL has attempted to harness these ambitions by charging musical acts to perform at their Super Bowl Halftime Show. The three finalists, Katy Perry, Coldplay and Rihanna have each been asked to pony up for the privilege of performing in front of billions of people AND to kick back a slice of their post- show concert tour. Next they’ll want an NFL logo carved in the haircut of the bass player. And who’s going to argue? It’s the bass player.

The most humane solution would be for the NFL to pay viewers to watch their overproduced lip- synched parody of an extravaganza. Or maybe just go back to marching bands and Frisbee catching dogs. But where’s the money in that?

Kim Kardashian’s new iPhone app is expected to make over 100 million dollars- this year alone. The goal of the game is to do anything and everything to become famous. Just that. Fame. It’s all about the exposure. Of course, in the Midwest we were taught you can die from exposure. Then again, couldn’t happen to a nicer couple than Rick Perry and Kim Kardashian. And the 3 Fat Guys in the Woods.

Copyright © 2014, Will Durst. Will Durst is an award- winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com to find about more about the new documentary film “3 Still Standing,” and a calendar guide to personal appearances including his one- man show “BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG” which will appear at the Third Avenue Playhouse in Sturgeon Bay Wisconsin Aug 26- 30. thirdavenueplayhouse.com

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

POTUS-Hillary Moment of Hug like "Cain attending Abel’s funeral"

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

close encounters POTUS

awkward POTUS moment

Another snark-filled guest post by the one, the only Will Durst, who's having a little fun with POTUS and Hillary Clinton's Close Encounter of the Weird Kind. Take it away, Will:

TUMBLING DUMPSTERS

The meeting probably wasn’t as awkward as Cain attending Abel’s funeral. Closer to Anna Nicole walking past her husband’s family in court. Surely had a Billy Bob Thornton/ Brad Pitt- drunk at a wedding reception feel.

Talking about the recent encounter between President Barack Obama and the woman rummaging through his closet, trying on his Chief Executive mom jeans, and not getting a lot of encouragement in return; Queen of the formers… Watergate lawyer, First Lady, Senator, Secretary Hillary Clinton.

The two of them ran into each other at a lawn party at a golf club on Martha’s Vineyard the other evening. And what could be more proletariat that that? Lawn party. Golf club. Martha’s Vineyard. Think we’ve triangulated the 1% Trifecta here. All you need is imported truffle canapés, some commemorative swizzle sticks and pastel sweaters tied loosely around necks and voila… a royal raspberry reduction.

The source of the ungainliness was Ms. Clinton herself, who, in an interview with The Atlantic, characterized our Syrian policy as a disaster. Then said “’Don’t do stupid stuff’ is not an organizing principle.” Obviously referring to some past politician whose name is synonymous with shrub but also throwing the current President’s equivocal quote under the same wheels of that big bad bus.

She ain’t alone. Most of America thinks Obama’s foreign policy is like Malaysian Air frequent flyer miles. Sure, they both exist on paper, but nobody’s really all that interested in implementation. Anticipating the contretemps, her spokesperson said Hillary looked forward to “hugging it out” when she and POTUS met. Yeah. Bet she did. Like an emergency tracheotomy with a Bic pen.

Can’t you picture that embrace. Fade in: First Family seated. Hillbilly walking. Visual contact. Slight stutter step. Bill grins, shouts and waves. Hillary, Michelle and Barack summon courage from unfathomable depths to plaster on phony smiles. Everybody’s interior dialogue channeling Hamlet: “To hug or not to hug.”

Barack rises and in a stab at humor, throws his arms about an inch apart as if welcoming a cuddle. She laughs so coldly ice cubes crack, and bending at the waist touches her right shoulder to his right shoulder as they pat each other on the back. Once. The Presbyterian hug. As graceful as tumbling dumpsters. Fade out on the sound of more ice cracking.

As the past and the future of the Democratic Party, Barack and Hillary are eternally entwined. It’s like one of those relationships you see in Manhattan and San Francisco these days. Where neither person can afford to move out because both incomes are necessary to cover the rent. Velvet handcuffs.

The problem is, they’re the same person. Opposite spectrums: black- white- male- female. But the same ultimate political animal. Concussions are common when the smartest person in the room is forced to interact with the other smartest person in the room. Both dimly aware that throwing Bill & Michelle into the equation means one of them may actually be the 4th smartest person in the room.

She needs him to seamlessly insert her into his frictionless fundraising machine and he needs her to guarantee his legacy is not wiped out in a torrential Tea Party tsunami. The grudging mutual respect of the cobra and the mongoose. Strange Bedfellows indeed. Who needs a hug? Craaaaack.

Copyright © 2014, Will Durst. Will Durst is an award- winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com to find about more about the new documentary film “3 Still Standing,” and a calendar guide to personal appearances including his new one- man show “BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG” which will appear at the Raven Theater in Windsor California Aug 22- 24. raventheater.org

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

Quickie: Rand Paul is "writing" a book

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

quickie

Got time for another Quickie?

Via The Hill:

Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) is working on a new book slated for release next year at the same time he decides on a potential 2016 presidential bid. [...]

His office said it was still being written.

And by written, they meant plagiarized.

That was today's (second) Quickie. Was it good for you?

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

Rick Perry spends thousands on Obstructive Tongue Syndrome

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

obstruction, obstructive

We all know how Republicans love to obstruct. They can't help themselves, it's their one area of expertise, other than holding expensive, nasty, meaningless hearings. Their obstructive nature comes in extra crispy handy when it comes to getting absolutely nothing done in Congress instead of, you know, making this country run better. Poor Texas Gov. Rick Perry, however, has been dealt a bad obstructive hand.

In his case, the obstruction is his own tongue. He keeps tripping on it. Guess you could say his tongue got a taste of the GOP's own obstructive medicine:

oops rick perry smallerSo what's a tongue klutz to do? Well, you know what they say, money talks. In this case, Rick Perry is hoping to take that literally. Taegan over at Political Wire tells us that Perry spent $17K on speech coaches (there's a pay wall at the Houston Chronicle, so this is all I can provide). How nice for him that he's learning to speak English fluently so he can keep up with the demands his crowd places on immigrants:

One interesting item: Perry spent $17,000 for speech coaches "to smooth his public delivery after earning a reputation for tripping over his tongue during his run for the 2012 Republican presidential nod."

He also "has a campaign stockpile of $4.4 million collected for a now nonexistent re-election battle," which should come in handy. See, Gov. Ricky is adept at one thing, despite his tongue acrobatics. He's willing to share, despite his stingy inclination to post Do Not Enter signs all over Texas. Again, via Taegan:

Texas Gov. Rick Perry (R), "who's weighing a White House bid in 2016, has formed a federal political action committee to aid fellow Republican candidates in the Nov. 4 elections," Bloomberg reports.

Should be fun to watch him try to pronounce RickPAC.

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

Michele Bachmann, please proceed

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

please proceed Marsha Blackburn

Bachmann 1

To quote President Obama as he watched his presidential opponent Mitt Romney commit political suicide during a debate, "Please proceed," Michele Bachmann. No seriously. Proceed. Please. This country needs a little levity. As Rachel Maddow put it in the above segment, she is the "living, breathing embodiment of the crazy in American politics. It's almost an American pastime to watch Michele Bachmann do her thing."

But Maddow also added, "She's more influential than she gets credit for... She may look like a kooky also-ran all the time, but she also has a way of saying things that stick."

Oh stop being so even-handed and astute, Rachel. You're ruining all our fun.

Via Real Clear Politics:

The Minnesota congresswoman and 2012 Republican presidential candidate told RealClearPolitics on Tuesday that she is considering a second White House run.

Bachmann made the revelation during an interview, in which she was asked for her view on whether any Republican women might seek the Oval Office in 2016.

“The only thing that the media has speculated on is that it’s going to be various men that are running,” she replied. “They haven’t speculated, for instance, that I’m going to run. What if I decide to run? And there’s a chance I could run... Like with anything else, practice makes perfect,” she said. “And I think if a person has gone through the process -- for instance, I had gone through 15 presidential debates -- it’s easy to see a person’s improvement going through that.”

There are more quotes from Bachmann at the link.

Fasten your seat belts...

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

"We Can Kill You Now Or We Can Kill You Later," Rick Perry

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

NationalGuardLogow263h202

Remember those old Fram auto filter TV ads -- "you can pay me now or you can pay me later?" Well, there's a bit of that philosophy in Gov. Rick Perry's latest goofball thinking.

Today Texas Republican Governor Rick "Oops" Perry is about to make another "Oops." He's going to commit an estimated $12 million a month to send the National Guard to his state's southern border. The question is why? What are they supposed to do? Will they take positions on the borderlines and mow down with their high powered rifles every man, woman and child who approaches the Texas border from Mexico?

The truth is that these immigrants are not sneaking over the border. They're crossing the border and immediately turning themselves in. They're actually seeking out border patrols and surrendering. They're announcing "Here I am. Please take me. Please!"

The unaccompanied kids are the big Republican talking point as they're protected more than the adults who cross into the US without proper documentation. This is thanks to a bill the Republican President, G.W. Bush signed into law in 2008. To be balanced and fair, most Democrats voted for this bill as well.

So should Texas, a state that's refused the Medicare expansion for its own poor yet legal residents, order body bags for the refugee children the National Guard is going to shoot? Of course not, because the Guard is not going to shoot anyone. What they are going to do is become a political charade. They will be armed baby sitters, child wranglers and guardians for the safety and welfare of the poor kids trying to escape death and torture in their own countries. They aren't coming here for holiday. They're flocking to America for safety and for their lives.

Rick Perry gunImage: addictinginfo.org

Point a gun at a kid who's made the harrowing, dangerous thousand-plus mile journey to America, threatening them that they'll be shot if they cross our border or be shot and killed after a thousand mile journey returning back home and there's no choice. They'll take the executioner's bullet right here and right now. That sure will make an interesting political election poster for Gov. Perry -- piles of dead kids on his border. Maybe he'll even stand in a big game hunter's pose with one leg up, resting it on a pile of dead children. Don't put anything past Tricky Rick.

The Texas boob governor has no plan other than trying to drum up publicity with this stunt. And for what? He's got zero chance at the GOP presidential nomination. And he's not running for re-election.

The answer, to the surprise of few, is ignorance. The governor's ignorance. He simply lacks a comprehensive and humanitarian plan. And instead of helping out the people of his state by accepting Medicare help for constituents, he's robbing them of tight money the Texans really need for more important matters.

Texas leads the nation in uninsured citizens. Medicare would take millions of uninsured and cover them, allowing hospitals to receive much needed funds to stay open. That $12 million per month could greatly raise the living conditions in the state. Perry is robbing his state's coffers of tight cash they need for so many other pressing issues -- for the unemployed, the uninsured, infrastructure, public safety, education, etc.

So Texas is about to burn $12 million a month while Gov. Nero Perry fiddles. Perry has a dream. It's just a dream. It's to move from soon-to-be ex-governor of Texas to larger pastures -- the White House. Well there's about as much chance of that happening as Michelle Bachmann winning a Nobel Prize in science. But while he wastes his state's money on a political fantasy, the good people of the Lone Star State starve and can't afford medical care which could save lives. Instead, in Rick's fantasy world, he's ordering the armed National Guard to his borders to keep kids out.

What's next for this moron? Bear traps, sarin gas and land mines?

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

Elizabeth Warren Does What Hillary Clinton Could Never Do

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare

YellenWarrenw212h202Do you want to know why there's a draft Elizabeth Warren movement growing by leaps and bounds? The answer is found by simply watching the Massachusetts senator calmly, quietly, and succinctly destroy Fed Chairman Janet Yellen.

You don't have to know anything about banking and finance to understand Senator Warren spelling out precisely that the Federal Reserve Board is still not doing its job. They're kowtowing to the huge money institutions and allowing "too big to fail" to continue.

What's below is priceless. Smart as Hillary Clinton is,  she could never do this:

FacebookTwitterRedditDiggStumbleUponTumblrLinkedInPinterestEmailShare