Archive for 2012 debates

The top ten comedic news stories of 2012

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Today’s guest post by the one, the only, Will Durst:

THE TOP TEN COMEDIC NEWS STORIES OF 2012

First a disclaimer: the Top Ten Comedic News Stories of 2012 should not under any circumstances be confused with the Top Ten Legitimate News Stories of 2012. They are as different as red satin cummerbunds and Liar’s Dice. Duck liver and Spanish moss. Matched pearl necklaces and motorcycle handlebars.

For those of you itching to point out that some stories, especially those involving death, destruction, devastation and disaster are not proper subjects for this sort of fanciful folderol; way ahead of you. Totally agree. Exactly why the Aurora, Colorado movie theater massacre, Hurricane Sandy, Jerry Sandusky and the movie John Carter failed to make the cut.

Also left off the list are a few of the fiendishly frivolous footprints despoiling the sands of this annum horribilis such as Lindsay Lohan’s continuing struggles with sobriety, that curious craze called Gangnam Style, the introduction of the iPhone 5 and Facebook’s roller coaster IPO.

That said; here they are, the key stories from the past year providing the purest opportunities for major mocking and scoffing and taunting as determined by the executive council of the Comics, Clowns, Jesters & Satirists Union. Me.

10. Donald Trump. Assumes figurehead post of Birther Movement. Then refuses to shut up all year long including several embarrassing tweets on Election Day. An ever- gushing political comedy material fountain with all the grace and elegance of tumbling dumpsters.
9. First Presidential Debate. Turned what was becoming a slam-dunk into a horse race. 70 million Americans tuned in. But for some unknown reason, President Obama was not among them.
8. The entire GOP primary campaign. Party plays Candidate Whack-A-Mole for five months. Everybody takes turns beating Romney like a red headed stepchild, including some folks who aren’t even running.
7. London Olympics. Ann Romney’s horse Rafalca competes in Dressage. Event where the horse and the rider perform predetermined movements. Like interspecies dancing. Which you would think would be illegal in Utah. But horse fails to medal and probably gets shipped home strapped to the fuselage of a 747. McKayla Maroney remains unimpressed.
6. Vice Presidential Debate. Joe Biden goes all Malarkey on Paul Ryan. Two words- decaf. Bold Choice Ryan blames Obama for GM plant closing in 08. Fails to implicate POTUS in fall of the Roman Empire. But just barely.
5. Barack Obama comes out in support of gay marriage. Emerges from his own personal policy closet like a butterfly emerging from a conflicted cocoon.
4. Mitt Romney vows to get rid of Big Bird losing him pivotal pre- adolescent vote.
3. Democratic National Convention. Specifically Bill Clinton laying out the precise reasons why America should re- elect as President… Bill Clinton.
2. Republican National Convention. Specifically Clint Eastwood upstaging the nominee’s acceptance speech by getting into an argument with an empty chair. Which he proceeded to lose. Probably upset him so badly he rushed back to the hotel room where he got into a squabble with his armoire.
1. Mitt Romney. All the charisma of a plastic picnic fork with three of the tines snapped off. May have run the worst campaign ever. And that includes New Coke, McCain/ Palin and France in 39.

5 time Emmy- nominee Will Durst’s new e- book “Elect to Laugh!” published by Hyperink, now available at Redroom.com, Amazon or any fine virtual book retailer near you. And don’t forget the Twentieth Annual Big Fat Year End Kiss Off Comedy Show. Dec 26- Jan 1. 6 comics. 7 cities. 8 shows. Details at facebook or willdurst.com.

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VIDEO: Utah coal company owned by Obama critic blames the president for 102 workers laid off

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Willard M. Romney lost the presidential election, so what's a coal company owner who supported him to do? Why, default to Blame Obama mode, that's what.

Does anyone remember President Obama doing anything to depress the coal industry? I remember him touting "clean coal" (there is no such thing) in his stump speeches. If that doesn't restrict coal production, nothing will.

Unfortunately, that so-called War on Coal doesn't exist:

As for Romney:

But the truth doesn't matter much to Obama critics.

Via KSL-TV:

EAST CARBON, Carbon County — A Utah coal company owned by a vocal critic of President Barack Obama has laid off 102 miners.

The layoffs at the West Ridge Mine are effective immediately, according to UtahAmerican Energy Inc., a subsidiary of Murray Energy Corp. They were announced in a short statement made public Thursday, two days after Obama won re-election.

The layoffs are necessary because of the president's "war on coal," the statement said. The slogan is one used frequently during the election by Murray Energy CEO Robert Murray, who was an ardent supporter of Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney.

Maybe the owner is like Mitt and likes to fire people.

If a company had done the same thing had Romney won, the GOP would be screaming at the top of their pollution-damaged lungs.

UPDATE: Applebee’s CEO Threatens To Fire Employees And Freeze Hiring Because Of Obamacare

Plus: Las Vegas business owner fires 22 ‘mostly Hispanic’ employees over Obama win

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Romney wants more Navy ships? Maybe because one of his top advisers made millions from building them

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Last night many of us got a chuckle out of President Obama's retort to Mitt Romney's lament about the U.S. having fewer Navy ships. “That’s unacceptable to me,” said Willard.

The response he got from the president was the memorable, "We also have fewer horses and bayonets."

But Romney was clearly very concerned. So what's up with his obsession over the number of ships?

David Axe at Wired may have the answer:

But for one of Romney’s most important advisers on Navy issues, a man who oversaw a massive naval expansion for Pres. Ronald Reagan, there’s more at stake than U.S. national security. John Lehman, an investment banker and former secretary of the Navy, has strong and complex personal financial ties to the naval shipbuilding industry. He has profited hugely from the Navy’s slow growth in recent years — raising the prospect that he could make even more if Romney takes his advice on expanding the fleet.

That doesn’t mean that a bigger or better Navy is necessarily a bad idea. But it does complicate Romney’s claim that a larger Navy would merely be “matched to the interests we need to protect.” A bigger maritime force has the possibility of personally enriching one of the candidate’s top advisers. In fact, it already has.

Lehman is the founder and chairman of J.F. Lehman & Company, a private equity firm. He also sits on several corporate boards...  Even leaving aside the intricate ferry-and-shipyard series of deals, Lehman still stands to profit from the naval buildup he is helping to plan. [...]

[I]f a Romney administration does embark in such an enormous increase in military shipbuilding, it’s worth noting that one of the brains behind the expansion has profited rather handsomely by encouraging the Navy to build.

Once again, it's not necessarily about what's good for America, it's all about what benefits Willard M. Romney.

Much more here.

H/t: Greg Ostravich

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VIDEO: Romney's Afghanistan reversal a disqualifying character issue

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First, the surprising and news-making reversal of Mitt Romney on Afghanistan, and some initial reaction to the debate:

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Next, the commentary:

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

On the Tee Vee machine so far today, what I'm seeing from political commentators is that Romney simply "shifted to a more moderate, more appealing" position as opposed to completely and hypocritically reversing himself two weeks before Election Day.

He has zero credibility. He cannot be trusted, he cannot be believed. He'll say anything he thinks voters want to hear.

Rachel Maddow nailed it:

"...68,000 American lives on the line... This is a real war... This is changing your mind... about the fate, the lives and deaths, of 68,000 Americans... and that you can get away with running from the things that you've previously claimed were your heartfelt beliefs and now denying that you ever believed they were true. It's a character issue and I find it disqualifying."

"It's an existing war. It's not hypothetical."

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