Yes, it's time for another stand-up comedy blog in which I steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture. For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc. A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
The PRESIDENT had to cut his vacation with his family short by two days. Too bad. On the other hand, if you're spending every day with your wife and kids -- morning, noon and night, together at breakfast, lunch, dinner, swimming, hiking, whatever... Going back to Washington for two days to tend to things like "riots in the streets" --"Gaza" -- "Ukraine" -- "immigration" -- might be a restful respite.
The PRESIDENT had to cut his vacation with his family short by two days. Too bad. On the other hand, if you're spending every day with your wife and kids -- morning, noon and night, together at breakfast, lunch, dinner, swimming, hiking, whatever... Going back to Washington for two days to tend to things like "riots in the streets" --"Gaza" -- "Ukraine" -- "immigration" -- might be a restful reprise.
The PRESIDENT did get a chance to play some golf. They say he took so many "Mulligans" Ireland is making him an honorary citizen.
Analysts say that PRESIDENT OBAMA has been ignoring HILLARY CLINTON'S advice for years, which is why we haven't seen him in a pantsuit.
Texas GOV. RICK PERRY has been indicted so it looks like his chances in 2016 might be in trouble. Or as HILLARY put it, "One down, four more to go."
PERRY is now the most controversial Governor in the country, which is why he got a gift basket from CHRIS CHRISTIE.
This week Los Angeles Clippers' new owner, former Microsoft executive STEVE BALLMER, joyfully and officially took over his new 2 billion dollar toy. Not to be outdone, BILL GATES in New York bought himself his own toy, a set of blocks -- 72nd and Park, 73rd, 74th and half of Columbus Circle.
The Microsoft exec. promised the Clipper fans that the team will win an NBA championship. He says he has a great strategy for rebuilding the team; "Control-Alt-Delete."
Starbucks is now selling booze. You can order a "Double Pump Vodka Grande Cappuccino in Regular, Decaffeinated or Fall Down On Your Face.
Whole Foods has started selling rabbit meat. They're killing them humanely. They're bringing them into the store, showing them Whole Food's prices and the rabbits are dying on their own.-- of shock.
Happy birthday to former President BILL CLINTON. He turned 68 this week. HILLARY yelled surprise, and out of habit, BILL yelled, "I can explain."
Since January, Colorado has made nearly $30 million in taxes from marijuana sales. That's in addition to the millions they picked up taxing Doritos, Tostitos, potato chips, Oreos, chocolate chip cookies and the ever popular "Cheez-it."
Former Congressman ANTHONY WEINER is opening a unique new restaurant. It will be a drive-in. To order you talk into his open fly.
The Little League World Series is in full swing and the parents are really into it. One kid made a couple of errors and was immediately traded. Not to another team, another family.
Speaking of baseball. There is no truth to the rumor that Dodgers play-by-play TV commentator and former pitcher ORAL HERSCHISER has a brother who is a proctologist, ANAL HERSCHISER.