Fla. GOP conservative candidate's double life as bizarre vampire

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Jacob Rush double life vampire gop florida 2

Jacob Rush double life vampire gop floridaPhoto via St. Peters Blog

Here we go again, another "conservative" candidate for U.S. Congress (this time from Florida) leading a double life and revealing himself to be a complete crackpot. No hype, this guy's got serious issues. St. Peters Blog has the full report, and it's a must-read.

Here's how Jacob A. Rush, "conservative straight shooter," wants us to see him:

However, in his super duper ultra secret double life, Rush belongs to "a nationwide community of gothic-punk role-players who come together to take on personas of vampires and other supernatural beings" who deal with "night-to-night struggles 'against their own bestial natures, hunters, and each other.'” I'msorrywhat?

What is up with conservatives named Rush? But I digress.

One of his supernatural personae goes by the name of "Chazz Darling" (Carlos Danger's swashbuckling unbuckling, brother?), a member of the Mind’s Eye Society, aka “Camarilla.”

fear 2

St. Peters Blog:

Among the photos still available on the wiki are:

Burning books
Aiming shotguns at dogs
Dressed as a vampire
Dressed as a demon
Satanic symbolism
Being chained and gagged
Bloody angel wings

Note: For the uninitiated, a succubus is a female demon who appears in dreams, usually in human form, to seduce men through sexual activity.

hiding under covers fear

This is what he wrote, as "Chazz Darling":

At first I thought you were just stupid and I wanted to stick my dick in your mouth to shut you up while I snorted a line off my new machete that was blessed by Rui (sic) but then I remembered that you were typing so my dick would really have to be in your hands to keep you from typing but since you are walking in Omaha that’s not really realistic right now.

I’m sorry, I tried.

Rae tells me that you are a Maiden, and it’s your job to be kind of stupid and that I’m not supposed to have intercourse with Maidens.

You shouldn’t believe everything that people tell you or you’re going to end up naked and sore, tied to the floor of a van marked “Free Candy.”

And stop letting people torpor (sic) you.

Except for the run-on sentences, poor word choices, perversion, vulgarity, and apparent mental illness, ol' Jake shows real promise! He'll fit in just fine in GOPland. He won't even need a speech writer, what with all that literary talent oozing out of what's left of his mind.

And hey! Nothing says "family values" like a "conservative straight shooter who wants "to stick my dick in your mouth to shut you up while I snorted a line off my new machete."

That should go over well with conservative voters.

family values my ass

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  • Dennis Collins

    This is an April fools prank, right? ... Right? ... RIGHT? ....... Oh God... we're doomed

  • King David

    He's a Conservative so Chaz Darling is American for Carlos Danger.

  • OHDisqusNSA666100

    Mind's Eye Society aka Camarilla is clearly a joke for allowing such weak scum as a member. Vampire groups are all about a front for homosexual activity and getting high off the drug Ecstasy - but I thought vampire groups supposedly have standards to join - of course they dress up in costumes but I thought they're supposed to have their head together. Look at this Republican fool, my god.

  • John

    As long as he hates Obama and liberals they will forgive him his sins no matter how sick and perverse.

  • KatieAnnieOakley

    I take issue / umbrage with the photo he's saved on his personal page of (clearly parroting a church's stained glass window) "Massacre of the Holy Innocents" (a bloody, gory orgy scene). How in the hell does he align THAT with his 'Family Values'. And, a Succubus? Really? This guy has some *serious* sexual issues he's suppressing. WoW is one thing - this is Something Else.

  • cheeriogirl

    This seems like something you'd see on an episode of Law and Order!

  • Abel Undercity

    Sounds like a Vampire: The Masquerade (do they still call it that?) LARPer. While I find the disconnect between the man and his characters funny, it doesn't strike me as a winning issue any more than that candidate whose opponent knocked her for playing World of Warcraft.

    Of course, GOP voters might feel differently. They do seem to have trouble distinguishing between fantasy and reality...

  • Magginkat

    Family Values my ass banner says it all!

  • KatieAnnieOakley

    No. NO. NOOOOooooooooooo!!!!!!

  • RepublicanSwine

    Wow ... Just Wow. LMAO. ROFL. You just can't make this stuff up. ROFFL. Just when you think they can't hit a new low ... Surprise!