Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
In Winter Olympics news of the week: Canada beat the United States in the Hockey Semi-finals. Toronto Mayor, ROB FORD, must be psychic. He started celebrating months ago.
The Russian men's hockey team, which was favored to win, was eliminated by Finland. Then an hour later, the Russian men's hockey team was eliminated by PUTIN.
The big thing at this year's Winter Games was Snowboarding. Everybody loved watching it, except DICK CHENEY who was disappointed. He thought it was going to be "water boarding" only a lot colder.
Because of the Winter Games, the streets of Sochi are teeming with tourists. This inspired the poet laureate of Fenderlob, New Jersey, CRENSHAW MELON, to give his impression of the Olympic crowds:
ODE TO SOCHI
"If she bumps into you on the street,
and rubs against you, as though in heat,
If you feel her flame just like a rocket,
she's not in love, she's picking your pocket."
In Florida there's a guy running for Congress who is 101 years old. He loves handing out those election buttons. Not so you can remember his name. So HE can remember his name.
He's a member of the tea party, the "Boston Tea Party."
His slogan is, "Vote for me and then vote again in two months."
If he does well in congress he's says he's going to run for President. He said, "I think I can win all thirteen colonies."
One person won the $425 million Powerball jackpot. The odds of winning were 1 in 175 million. That's how many relatives will come out of the woodwork if you win.
The guy said he dreamed of the jackpot numbers. Now "Sominex" is claiming half of his winnings.
CHARLIE SHEEN announced he's getting married to an adult film star. If you'd like to get the loving couple a gift, they're registered at "Bed, Bath and Behind."
Not only is CHARLIE going to marry a porn star, but she'll be working the bachelor party.
The World Clown Association announced that the United States is facing a shortage of clowns. Then someone opened the door to a car and said, "Never mind. Here they are."
The East Coast is still covered in snow. Millions of people are still unable to get to where they USED to work.
I don't know if it's because of Climate Change, but places that have never seen this type of winter weather are being hit by record snow. Southerners haven't seen this much white on their streets since JIM CROW.