Meet The New Sheriff In D.C. Town - Rafael 'Ted' Cruz

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new sheriff

Well, the Texas senator may not officially hold that office, but he holds the power of that office. John Boehner is the Speaker of the House, but in name only -- or SINO for short.

Boehner lost the reins in 2012 when a nationally unknown Texan came riding into town, looking for a showdown at high noon. He was big hat and a bunch of Tea Party cattle. He was determined to make a name for himself by picking off the current big cock of the roost. And Raffy did just that. He picked the weakest, highest ranking Republican, and vowed to make an example of him. He would embarrass the Speaker and bring him to his knees. If successful, Washington, DC would become Raffy's own prairie oyster.

Then it happened. The cocky Texan called out the over-confident Ohioan -- for a showdown at high noon. And flanked with other armed Tea Party proteges, bullies and wildcatters, the showdown on shutting down the entire government took place. And when Speaker Boehner saw Cruz's snipers in trees and peering from behind stately columns, he knew he was in for a battle. The odds weren't in his favor as the Tea Party posse had staked out the best vantage points. Boehner, with more men, knew it was a trap. So he called a truce and caved in to the smaller, but better prepared enemy. He lived to fight another day.

That other day came this past week. Boehner, who thought he could rally his own militia on the immigration battle, took on the Tea Party stared down Cruz, the Texas rambler, and said, "I'll show you. "I'm pushing through immigration reform, but on my terms."

Here's how HuffPo reports on the gunfight:

Cruz may have once again demonstrated his clout with conservative lawmakers in the lower chamber, this time using his sway to quash immigration reform.

House Republicans who supported the "principles" of immigration reform floated by Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, late last month grumbled Tuesday that the plan was dead on arrival because Cruz blasted it as "amnesty," spurring a blizzard of negative phone calls to House Republicans. "After that it was 'We'll get back to you on immigration reform,' " said one Republican congressman who declined to be identified.

It turns out that the SINO Sheriff was bluffing, hoping the Texan would back down -- but he didn't. The Battle of Immigration Reform Hill ended before it began. Once outlaw Raffy called it amnesty they both drew. Before Boehner could get his pistol out of his holster, he was winged in the shoulder by rootin' tootin' sharp shootin' Cruz and his Tea Party Pistoliers. 

Showdown

Dripping blood, Johnnie Boy cowered like a coward and handed over the gavel and limped away, aided by his two seemingly loyal deputies, Eric Cantor and the shy, and questionable, Paul Ryan. They joined a deserting posse and fled to the Hill, hoping to regroup.

Much to his surprise, upon making it back to their refugee camp on the edge of the Beltway, Boehner was faced with his internal critics. His own conservative backers were now calling loudly and publicly for his resignation. They want a new sheriff in town. One with balls. They demanded the neutered Boehner step aside.

Much to the House majority's surprise, Cruz said no. The cagey Texan realized that he could stir up problems for townsfolk if he controlled both houses of Congress. He could gum up the works in the Senate and also be puppeteer over the weakened, House Speaker.

Now the tar and feathers are being prepared for SINO Boehner. He'll hold on long enough to keep a scintilla of respect for his legacy - The Speaker Who Caved. His puppet strings are easily manipulated now by the man who truly runs Washington -- Rafael 'Ted' Cruz. Who says that Latinos are lacking a voice in Washington? Hell, right now they own that town.

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  • Sally

    Just who died and made a Canadian citizen king of Cap Hill? Where are the birthers?