I don't even know what to say. I'm in shock. I'm shaking as I write this. I woke up to an email from Paddy's brother today saying that this morning, my dear friend and co-editor of The Political Carnival collapsed and died. Her birthday would have been January 29th.
As regular readers know, Paddy has been ill lately. She's had a number of "mystery" ailments that have affected her over the past year, and the doctors did what they could to treat them, but her biggest problem was even getting to a doctor. And from what she told me, those doctors left a lot to be desired.
She lived in frigid Indiana, had somehow survived the bitter winters with only 3 space heaters, and until this year had no hot water and had to boil water and pour it into the tub in order to take a bath. She tried to quit smoking, but succumbed again recently. If you ever had the pleasure to listen to her on podcasts, her raspy whiskey voice was a reminder of that.
Her blood pressure meds had caused a form of narcolepsy, she'd been passing out, had the shakes, you name it. She had no terminal illness, it was just a whole lot of stuff that I was never clear on, nor was she, completely.
The past few nights, especially since her water pipes burst, she would wake up screaming things that made no sense to her. She called me yesterday sounding awful, telling me it was the worst she'd ever felt, and it was obvious. She didn't want to eat, and hadn't. My advice to her was to force liquids and calories so that she could nourish her weakening body, despite how she felt, so that she could gain strength to fight off whatever this was. She half agreed. I told her, "No 'poor babies' until I know you're taking care of yourself." She laughed and I told her I knew how awful it's been and to please feel better soon.
That was our last conversation.
I don't know what I'll do without Paddy. She's been a fierce and loyal friend, an astute, talented, brilliant political commentator, a lover of animals, a hilarious snarkmeister, a hero to the working class, someone who cared more about others than herself, and the person who has run this website since its inception.
I'm literally lost without her. The future of this blog is in doubt at the moment, since I have no idea how to administrate behind the scenes. I'm just a writer, Paddy was the business-savvy one.
I cannot begin to tell you how much I will miss her. I cannot begin to tell you much of anything. I'm devastated. Life won't be the same without my cohort, my other half, my sister in crime.
The Political Carnival will be closed today, likely for a few days, and I will update you when I have more to say.
Thank you ahead of time for you condolences and kind thoughts. I know many of you are as ripped apart as I am reading this, and I am so, so sorry to have to share this terrible news.
My heart is broken.