Outbreak of Virgin Births -- God Loves North Carolina

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birth of Christ

Christmas time is a peaceful time, when we're not fighting the war on Christmas. It's a time to reflect back on the true meaning of the holiday. We talk of the miracle of Christmas. "Wake up Jesus. It's your birthday. Come and celebrate. It's your birthday."

Yes, it's the miracle of the Lord's entry into our world in that small manger in Bethlehem. December 25, not sure of the biblical year because in school we had B.C. (Before Christ) and A.D. (Anno Domini which is Medieval Latin, translated as In the year of the Lord). Truthfully, I thought AD stood for After Death, so we'll leave the definition to the Latins linguists, the calendar to the Romans, and Christ to the rest of us.

What is really important is the meaning of the holiday, celebrating the Jesus birth as a miracle. Yet perhaps a bit more attention should be placed on another date: The Annunciation of the Lord, which celebrates Jesus’s entry into Mary’s womb. The celebration of that consummation is on March 25—nine months before Xmas. That, my friends is the beginning of the true miracle -- especially if we're going to buy into the immaculate conception theory.

C'mon, you don't think that's the miracle here? Most women are capable of having a child. Not all can do it the Holy Ghost way.

There may be more than one, though. In actuality, there's a few more virgin births than you might think.

DAILY BEAST reports:

The first woman who immaculately conceived in biblical times was not Mary, the mother of Jesus; rather it was her mother, Anne, wife of Joachim, who produced Mary immaculately so that Mary would in turn herself be a sin-free mother when the time came for her virgin pregnancy and the subsequent delivery of Jesus.

Pope Pius IX, in 1854, had declared that the Immaculate Conception of Mary within Anne’s womb was dogma—i.e., a non-negotiable price of admission to the Roman Catholic faith. The Feast of the Immaculate Conception, which occurs in early December, celebrates this miraculous non-coital event.

So, if Pope Pius IX is to be believed (and I don't want to go on record as rebuking the word of a pope), Mary's mother Anne gave birth to the first immaculate child. Oh, and in the interest of fair and balanced reporting, this was after Anne had one child the old fashioned way. So not being a virgin, Anne would certainly know if she had been "shtupped" or not for Mother Mary's conception. She says she wasn't and if Joachim believed her, why shouldn't I?

Putting aside Anne's celibacy practices, and the same with her daughter Mary's, it's interesting that in contemporary times, just like with Jesus himself, there's been a resurrection. Lately there's been a rash of virgin births. Oh, you hadn't heard?

Yes, there has been an outbreak of these miraculous events. Does that make all of these children, sons and daughters of God? Boy, that Lord, he sure does get around lately. Ladies, you better sleep with your legs crossed, according to Todd Akin.

Researchers from the University of North Carolina have found that immaculate conceptions, of a type, appear to be much more commonplace than biology would have predicted. Using a very large data set of 7,870 once-teenage young women who were followed prospectively for 14 years, they found that 45 women, or .5 percent of the 5,340 women who became pregnant during the study period, reported that they were still virgins at the time of their pregnancy. Call it the Mary Syndrome.

Whoa-sy doasy. That sure takes the miracle out of Christmas, don't you think? And it also calls into question how many more of these virgin births have been going unreported over the past 2000+ years.

I don't want to throw cold water on a wonderful holiday, but maybe this is something Fox News can wrap itself around after the holiday, when the Phil Roberston, Duck Dynasty brouhaha dies down. I'd sure love to hear their take on the red state of North Carolina's research on virgin births. I wonder how the Tar Heel Tea Party will spin this one? Will their new state slogan be "Visit North Carolina a virgin, go home a mother."

In the meantime, don't give up on enjoying Christmas. It is a special holiday -- just maybe not a special as you might have been led to believe. Okay, yes it is. A birthday's always special. Stay safe and be healthy.

Follow me on Twitter: @linzack

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  • http://uzzas.blogspot.com/2010/06/introduction.html uzza

    A linguist here on the names. The word Christ is a title, originally from the IndoEuropean *ghrei, meaning "to rub". The -mas in Christmas is from Latin mittere, meaning "to let go, or send". Make of this what you will. Notice I have tastefully not mentioned the colloquialism "rub one out".

  • Frank Julian

    Mose and sampson and noah according to torah were born to virgins