Some Do's And Don'ts About Drinking - A Teetotaler's Guide



Hey, it's Sunday. There's probably a football game on or you're checking out game four of the World Series (go Sox). It's time to unwind and settle back because the Monday blahs are going to be here soon enough. It'll be back to work and all the other crap that goes along with it.

So, what can you do to maximize this respite on "the Lord's Day of rest?"

I know. How about a little pick-me-up? A shot of that feel good elixer?

Sure, but which will do me the least harm? I need to be sober in the morning.

Well, here's some information that might help you make up your mind. But first, give someone your car keys so if you're tempted to drive to pick up some refills, you won't be able to. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Back so soon? Cool.

beer vs liquor

Let's get started. You might want to begin with a beer before graduating up to something stronger. I hear you won't get snookered if you start with a beer. You know that old adage, "Beer before liquor to prevent getting sicker." WRONG. The order in which you drink doesn't matter. Too much alcohol and you're going to be wearing the ceramic sombrero in any case.

Well, even if I do puke, I hear vomiting sobers you up. WRONGHealth Guidance reported that vomiting does expel the alcohol that is in your stomach and will stop it from further entering your blood stream, but the part of the vomiting myth that isn't true is that it will sober you up.

light vs dark liquor

Hmm. I've got some vodka and some scotch. Which should it be? Maybe mixing them might make me sick. I really don't want a hangover. I hear drinking lighter-colored alcoholic drinks will prevent that. So, Stoli, it looks like it's you and me, buddy. RIGHT. Good choice. As long as I don't drink too much by volume, the Mayo Clinic says the stuff in alcohol that makes you sick afterwards are more prevalent in dark liquors such as brandy, whiskey and darker beer.

How many brain cells am I going to be losing in my afternoon imbibing? I really need to be sharp for my work tomorrow and face it, I'm no Einstein. I can be burning away too many grey cells. I bet I'm dumbing down every swig I take. Maybe if I just take bigger gulps, I'll save some cells. WRONG.  The New York Times reports "alcohol disrupts brain function between neurons, alters their structure, and causes some of the impairment associated with intoxication but it does not kill off entire cells. Now that is good news.

three beers

But maybe it's best that I stick to beer, it doesn't seem to make me a lightheaded. I've got some light beer, some regular beer and some dark. Man, that dark beer sure looks enticing. There's probably no discernible difference among the three. WRONG. It's all about the alcoholic content which is in the hands of the brewmaster. Some lighter ales have a higher alcohol content than the dark lager.

Man, all this thinking. Maybe it's just safer if I hold onto my keys and grab an iced tea. At least that should mean I won't be throwing up later or be tardy for work tomorrow, with a killer hang-over. Besides, I don't want to impair my thinking. After all, how am I going to armchair quarterback if I'm falling out of my recliner?