50 Ways To Leave Your Lover, I Mean Country

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Back in 1975 the great Paul Simon recorded the iconic, Grammy-winning album, "Still Crazy After All These Years." It included Simon's first and only solo #1 hit, "50 Way To Leave Your Lover." The history behind the single is quite interesting: it was written after Simon's divorce from first wife Peggy Harper. The song is a mistress's humorous advice to a husband on ways to end a relationship.

Mistress. Ending a relationship. Hmm. What if the mistress is Senator Rafael 'Ted' Cruz? Ending his relationship with the GOP and leaving it for a new lover, the Tea Party?

She said it's really not my habit
To intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning
Won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself
At the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways
To leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

So while I slip out the back, Jack, make a  new plan, Stan, no need to be coy, Roy, just listen to Ted -- Below are some of the 50 ways that America's being impacted which The Huffington Post found in a survey of local newspapers. You can find the entire list here:

Border patrol training has been suspended in New Mexico. (LINK)

Businesses, can't get their government-backed Small Business Administration loans. (LINK)

Congress' failure to consider a farm bill because of the shutdown is hurting dairy farmers. (LINK and LINK)

Veterans, including 100 Missouri State University students, will not receive federal tuition assistance. (LINK)

U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service facilities -- in states that include Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Ohio and Wisconsin -- are closed to the public. (LINK)

A town in Montana dependent on seasonal tourism has become a "ghost town." (LINK)

Arizona stopped payments to 5,200 families eligible for Temporary Assistance for Needy Families. (LINK)

A legal challenge to Texas' voter ID law has been delayed at the request of the Department of Justice. (LINK)

Equal Employment Opportunity Commission court cases have been delayed in Maine. (LINK)

King crab fishing boats have to stay docked without government approval of permits and quotas, costing Alaska fisherman potentially "hundreds of thousands of dollars." (LINK)

Native American communities are seeing nutrition programs, foster care payments, financial assistance for the poor and anti-elder-abuse programs cut. (LINK)

Lockheed Martin announced it was furloughing 3,000 workers in Colorado. (LINK)

The absence of a farm bill has hit cotton farming in Georgia. (LINK)

Federal investigators can't inspect a fatal Metro accident in Washington, D.C. (LINK)

United Technologies Corp. says it may furlough more than 5,000 workers in Nevada. (LINK)

Children in Tennessee couldn't ride the bus to school. "Since the Great Smoky Mountains are closed, along with a number of roads overseen by rangers, a some parents had to find another way to get their children to class. During the government shutdown, Bus #49 could not make its route." (LINK)

A free health care clinic in Alabama can't take on new patients. "Our hands are tied because we can’t help those patients unless we get that," said Cullman’s Good Samaritan Clinic Executive Director Kelly Lindsey. "We also work with pharmaceutical companies to get people free medicine, but they won’t do that unless we have that paperwork. It’s impacting us quite a bit now." (LINK)

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  • David G

    And of course, as I commented earlier, the veteran survivor benefits are not being paid. Knock, knock. Who's there? Shirley. Shirley who? Surely not your Congress.

  • Frances R

    This is beyond ridiculous.