Chris Matthews Goes Ten Rounds With Scott Perry

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It's fun to watch a good heavyweight championship fight. There have been some memorable bouts which included Ali-Frazier, Holmes-Norton, Bowe-Hollyfield, Forman-Frazier II, Tyson-Spinks. There have been surprises and shockers along the way. Some quick knockdowns and disbelieving knockouts, even something called 'rope-a-dope to go with a 'phantom punch'.

As of last night, you can add to that list of pugilistic punishments two more names - Matthews and Perry. The event will be known as the Hawker at the Talker. The Mowdown at the Showdown. The Last Word Massacre. The Bird vs the Turd. The Yapper in the Crapper.

Matthews Perry

On MSNBC's HARDBALL last night, Chris 'Tweety bird' Matthews took on Keystone State's U.S. Representative Scott Perry. Both men had trained hard for this bout. The bell rang and with the lights bearing down on them, they sized each other up for a few rounds, then the blows started to land.

Slightly favored Perry, trained under the tutelage of the Ted Cruz and Micheal Lee, landed some early shots, stunning the ever avuncular, soft-punching annoyer-turned-destroyer, Matthews. Barbs and taunts were volleyed back and forth. Most blows landed softly or were counter-punched with bombastic overtalk. Not much was landing.

Then, as the fight wore on, so did the patience of hometown favorite, Tweety. He seemed momentarily stunned and slowed early on by the surprise pounding and rapid speed of his counter-punching challenger-- but then it happen. The unthinkable. The referee was called in to stop the fight. The Keystone Kid, Perry, had thrust a low-blow to his adversary. He had struck below the belt. He questioned Matthews integrity and challenged him where it hurts most -- in his family jewels -- his journalistic integrity.

Waving off the ref who wanted to stop the fight and give Matthews the TKO, Tweety took to a final assault. With just seconds left, Chrissy Boy summoned everything left in his tank, reared back, and threw a final roundhouse,  landing squarely on the challenger's chin. Scott was knocked to the canvass, resulting in a ten-count K.O.

If you want to see the replay, this is one fight you'll remember and tell your kids. It's the night Tweety Bird beat the favored challenger, the Keystone Kid. Warning, this is a brutal and bloody battle. You might want to clear the kids from the room. It's not for the squeamish.

So as famed ring announcer Michael Buffer would yell, "Lets get ready to ruuuuuuuummmmble!!!"

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  • Riccardo Cabeza

    Scott Perry's answer to ObamaCare? Emergency Rooms? Die quickly? Does he acknowledge that there is a problem? No. Scott Perry is useless, helpless and ignorant. And he has his government healthcare already.