I Just Got The Results Of My Self-Diagnosis


introverted person

Damn it. If what I've just read is true, I have a personality disorder. No, I'm not talking about anxiety or an inferiority complex. I'm talking about the big one--"introverted personality disorder" or IPD.

AMA dictionary

Ever read about or look up a disease and its symptoms and become convinced you had  it too?

Well, thanks to HuffPo and their article, "23 Signs You're Secretly an Introvert," I'm sure I got it. Maybe you do to. If you're brave enough to want to find out, just click that link and see for yourself. Beware. I took the test and now I'm "mental."

I knew I had problems, but now these have manifested themselves into a full-blown, on the list of mental illnesses, illness. Thanks to Obamacare, I won't lose my coverage for a pre-existing condition.

The first thing I did was I started doing comprehensive research to find out more of my condition. According to Psychology Today:

So what makes you an introvert? You're probably an introvert if you choose activities like reading, writing, and solving complex conundrums (think Neil Armstrong) over gunning for "life of the party" status. And introverts are better at thinking in their heads than on their feet. However, even if you contribute to advances in the sciences, technology, the arts, and the humanities, just being an introvert comes with a stigma. You may be passed up for a promotion because you don't speak up more, or seen as a snob because you don't attend a social event, or assumed to be depressed because you want to reflect rather than talk.

How come I haven't seen a commercial for this yet? I've seen them for ED, anxiety, stomach distress, sleeplessness, allergies, iron deficiency, even restless legs syndrome. C'mon, FDA, aren't you going to help? Is this cure going to be harder to find than 'Lorenzo's Oil?"

I can't believe they don't have a cure, yet. I'm doomed to have IPD for the rest of my life.

Find a quiet corner and think. Think!!

Wait a minute, maybe this isn't really an illness at all. Maybe I'm being sold a bill of goods to get me in on the ground floor. Today drug companies make billions because they make the cures before they make the illness. That way when the AMA starts calling something a disease, there's already a cure for the doctors to sell you to fix you right back up again, good as new. Patients win. Doctor's win.  Big Pharma wins.

Phewww. This simple 23 question test had me going for a while. But having an analytic mind and this introspective conversation with myself  has saved me. Yeah. I did it-- alone!

Go ahead, World Health Organization and the American Psychiatric Association with your authoritative manuals used for diagnosing mental disorders. Make introverted personality disorder a certifiable diagnosis. Big Pharma's got my six.


I'm proud to have this affliction, and I'm going to stay home, talk to myself and maybe read and write more about it. I'm going to enjoy it even more now that I've been self-diagnosed. And I'm even going to take advantage of this IPD. I'm going to come out and sell free "pass" cards you can give people the next time they invite you over for a party and you don't want to go. Just give 'em your pass. Available only through the internet -- this way we can avoid having to meet and carry on an interaction. Go Introverts.