Gay And Not Knowing What To Do

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when I grow up

What do you want to be when you grow up?

That's something everyone gets asked over and over again as they live out their tumultuous teen years. It's a question that sometimes does more harm than good because of course, when you're a teenager, you have no idea -- at least good idea of what you want. Hell, you haven't even experienced enough of the world to know of a quarter of the things that actually exist out there.

Sure, there's going to be the odd girl or guy who will emphatically tell you they're going to be a neurosurgeon working for Doctors Without Borders, or "I'm going to start up an edible and sustainable herbal tee-shirt business and save the world." But sometimes you have to keep it real. Yet expectations weigh heavily on you.

Alex Zaragoza

Take the plight of 15 year old Alex Zaragoza, of Peoria, Illinois.

Alex was interviewed by The Onion recently where he revealed quite a lot. You see, he's not just your everyday 15 year old male, he's gay. His problems might be a bit more complex that yours and mine. So his story was especially informative and revealed a greater perspective on his challenges.

His number one issues wasn't fitting in. It wasn't being accepted. It wasn't finding a life-partner. It was ambition. His goals.

Alex Zaragoza, 15, told reporters today that he is worried about running out of opportunities to become the first openly gay member of any professional field or social group.

Zaragoza expressed anxiety over the fact that the possibility of personally breaking down barriers for homosexuals in any given field is rapidly dwindling as more and more people become the first member of their profession to live as openly gay. Zaragoza told reporters that if he wants to one day become the first out homosexual member of any given occupation then he better “act fast.”

Seems like all the good "firsts" have been taken already. Damn, I never thought about that. This kid really does have a problem if he wants to have a real impact on society. After all, that demand is put upon us all. We've got to be someone, somebody special.

“By the time I’m an adult, all the good stuff will be taken,” said the 15-year-old, who went on to note that the historic contributions made by San Francisco politician Harvey Milk, NBA player Jason Collins, and talk show host and television star Ellen DeGeneres have already broken ground in most areas of public life where homosexuals can hope to make a revolutionary impact. “Athlete’s off the table. Senator’s off the table. Singer was taken a long time ago. What’s left? First openly gay male boxer?”

“Fuck,” he added, looking at his web browser. “Already taken. Orlando fucking Cruz.”

Orlando Cruz

I didn't know that about Orlando. Hmm. One thing I've noticed having raised two teenagers, they're impatient. They want everything right way. Society does that to us.

“I feel like I was born too late. Christ, even if I moved to Iceland and wanted to be the first openly gay prime minister there, Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir would say, ‘Sorry, Alex, I broke down those boundaries four years ago and already served as an inspiration to millions,’” he said, adding that “I want to be an inspiration to millions.” “And just when you thought the first gay U.S. Marshal might be a possibility, fucking Sharon Lubinski swoops in.”

This tale of woe does have a happy ending though. First, it's enough just to be who you are, you don't need to be the first to be great. And if you still don't believe that's enough, I do have a suggestion for you. There is a position with no openly gay firsts.

You can become the first openly gay moat repairman. But Alex, you've got to commit yourself and hurry. Not because there are so many closeted gay moat repairmen out there, but moats in general are becoming endangered.

Good luck.

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  • David G

    Tell me about it... I so agree. DG

  • http://leftcoastoracle.blogspot.com LeftCoastOracle

    Ha ha ha! What would life be like without The Onion?