This Time Darrell Issa's Gone Too Far

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God

U.S. Representative Darrell Issa has stepped over the line this time. He's just subpoenaed God.

Yup, you heard me right. The chairman's demanding The Chairman, God, come before him and his congressional committee. God'll be sworn in to Himself -- after all, who's He going to swear the truth to if not Himself -- So help him self -- then He'll be expected to answer some questions?

But first you have to contact God. You can't just expect God to stop his busy schedule and show up because Issa snapped his fingers. We have rules and that means contacting the witness directly and ordering Him to appear. Fortunately, Issa has his ways. And even more fortunate for us, the NSA hidden spying operation picked up this exchange (a warrant-less interception) on the Issa-God subpoena notification. Using one of my many contacts on the inside, I was able to get a copy. See for yourself how it went down. (it starts at around 0:32 seconds in)

Upon his arrival on Capitol Hill, God was seated and interrogated by the chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee. Ranking member, Elijah Cummings, was present as well for this closed-door hearing on Obamacare.

A little back story on how this bold move came about. This began when Issa wasn't satisfied with the documents provided to the committee from the treasury department. These were records Issa sought relating to the implementation of the Affordable Care Act. Tired of the Obama administration's stalling tactics, the chairman sought a higher authority. He's skipped right over Treasury Secretary Jack Lew's boss, President Obama, and went straight to God.

(Just a thought, if Issa serves a snack at the hearing, do you think it'll be Hebrew National Kosher hot dogs? They too answer to a "higher authority.")

Back to the closed door hearing. Surprisingly God agreed to answer Issa's prayers and appeared. You gotta hand it to God to put all of His work aside to meet with the committee. It's a miracle that this God person, with so much on His plate, would put aside feast and famine, joy and sorrow, sickness and health and even put new life and death on hold for this.

While awaiting the official transcripts from this closed door hearings preliminary information was leaked:

Issa: Mr. God... What should I call you?

God: Whatever you like. I answer to all.

Issa: Yes, well, Mr. God. I know you're busy, so I'll get right to the point. We all know Obamacare is bad for us.

[pause]

God: Oh, is that a question? I never said that.

Issa: We wouldn't want to put words in your mouth, but you did gave the idea of Obamacare to the Democrats. I assumed if it was good for us, you'd have given the idea to the GOP first. After all, we're just one letter off from G-O-D.

God: I did give it to you first. Remember the '70s when you and your brother were stealing cars? Do the names Richard Nixon, Bob Dole and Bill Frist mean anything to you?

Issa: They're all dead?

God: One for three. Go ahead. Forget I asked.

Issa: Yes. Now about Obamacare specifically. The text of the Affordable Care Act refers to subsidies flowing through exchanges "established by the state." I assume that to mean it limits the subsidies to state-based exchanges, and not the federally run marketplaces.

God: There you go with assume again.

Issa: The Treasury and the IRS say Congress intended for federally run exchanges to take the place of state-based marketplaces in the states that chose not to set up their own. Lawmakers and the Congressional Budget Office generally assumed during the legislative debate that subsidies would be available in all 50 states.

God: Well you know what they say about assume. It makes an ass of u and me.

Issa: Then Obamacare is good?

God: I wouldn't say it's perfect. But I wouldn't say it's bad either.

Suddenly God snaps his fingers and Chairman Issa suddenly goes up in flames.

spontaneous combustion

Elijah Cummings: Oh my God, you just destroyed Darrell Issa? Why?

God: Two reasons. One, I work in mysterious ways.

Elijah Cummings: And two?

God: No one calls you and me an ass and gets away with it. Now Elijah, I've got a world to run. You keep Obamacare funded and I'll go see about making some peace in Egypt.

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  • joe ebbitt

    Darrell can prove God wrong ,he just needs All the E-mails!