Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
Two more women have come forward to accuse San Diego Mayor BOB FILNER of sexual misconduct. That brings the total to 13, or as the MAYOR calls it, "A Groper's Dozen."
The "Chutzpah Of The Week Award" goes to FILNER who wants the city of San Diego to pay for his sexual harassment lawsuit. He says it's only fair. He harassed women only on government time, never his own.
In fact, if it happened on Saturday or Sunday he expects time and a half overtime for harassing on the weekend.
FILNER spent the last few weeks in sexual rehab. Here are some old movies they DID NOT screen during his stay:
"I Know What You Did Last Summer"
and they definitely didn't show...
Major League Baseball gave 13 players from a 50 to a 211 game suspension. The rules are clear. If you're going to do drugs and still expect to play, you'd better be a musician.
A-ROD is the player being suspended for 211 games. It's for buying performance enhancing drugs from an "Anti-Aging" clinic in Florida. Right! If there's one place where people really know how to look young, it's Florida.
Before we pass judgment on A-ROD'S professional and personal life remember, he's only a man like the rest of us. He takes his pants off one leg at a time. It's just that he gets more opportunities than we do.
According the the latest poll, the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives has a disapproval rating of 77 percent. They're becoming so offensive to the American public, we may have to begin referring to Congress as the "C-word."
The Mars Rover, "Curiosity," is celebrating its first anniversary on Mars. So far in the year it's been up there it's sent back 70,000 photos. That sounds like a lot, but it's still less than what ANTHONY WEINER sent out.
A man in Colorado wants marijuana to be classified as a vegetable. Now that's a pretty sneaky way to get kids to stop smoking pot.
Photos of the Royal Baby's birth certificate have surfaced and KATE'S occupation on the document is listed as "Princess." It's always inspiring when a new mother decides to stay in the workplace.
JEFF BEZOS, founder of "Amazon" just bought "The Washington Post" for $250 million. I guess he's just like all us other Internet customers. We prowl around from one web site to another until we end up buying something we don't need.
A new study finds that "Good People" live longer than "Bad People" -- that is, unless a "good" person pisses off a "bad" person.
Another study revealed that people who were breast fed as babies score higher on tests. So how come people who aren't breast fed and fail in school with low test marks are called "Boobs?"