Naked Christians and Santorum

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men94shower

Because of the liberal movement in the US today, young Christians are uncomfortable taking showers?

Huh?

Okay, let's go into breaking it down mode.

How do we connect the dots here? I love that game. And when Rick Santorum speaks, you better be paying attention or you can easily get lost.

Start with one certifiably right-wing Christian speaker. Add a healthy dose of ignorance and a dash of crazy and you get Rick Santorum. With me so far? Okay, Now, give him a soapbox or a rooftop with a hand full of people. That's called empowering the speaker. To be effective, start out by identifying the enemy. In this case, the left. Now you make it personal -- what the bad guys are doing to you. In this case, attacking your life.

group showers

How? By going after your young Christians and their bathing habits. Next you set your theory in motion by getting into undisputed facts. Talk about that huge annual pilgrimage to Austin Texas where young Christian men go to take a shower. Of course, how could I forget something so monumental. Don't all young Christians start each new year marking down on their calendars that day when they can get to Austin to shower? A once a year naked get together like that needs red ink, and lots of post-it reminders. You don't want to miss that.

Where's that held again, Rick? Oh, the Austin YMCA gym. Got it. It's important to know your setting. So young Christian men assembling at the Young Men's Christian Association. What a coincidence? I know I'm getting hooked. I guess that's part of what makes it all so special. Continue, please.

Santorum: "They're willing to do it, say things in mixed company." Pause right there. We're talking about men, right? I guess I missed the mixed company part. Are these dutiful, devout men smuggling in women to the showers for untoward purposes? Now you got my ears to prick up. (No, don't even go there). Just pay attention to Rick. He's on a roll.

same sex showers

Somehow the mixed company in the shower leads seamlessly to the the battle of the young Christian men fought against the British during the American Revolution. I didn't know they had showers back then. See, you learn something new every day. Keep going, Rick. Baited breath here.

We won that war because we wanted "it" more. What "it" are you talking about? A shower? Getting naked? Man, is this guy good. He really provokes your thoughts. Even the unhealthy ones.

"We're not going to give up. We're not going to stop. That's what the left has done to America in our lifetime." Those are fighting words, Santorum. You're given me a head of steam to...  to... yeah, what do you want me to do? More importantly, what the hell are you talking about?

"We have the truth, and we give up,"  opines Rick. Yes, you are making the audience truly stir with that valid point.

Then wham! You stop. That's it. Did I somehow miss the point here?

Now if any of this moving speech seems disjointed, watch it and see for yourself. This is the GOP's right wing vision of truth, justice and the American way. You won't want to miss this.

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  • brian buckley

    wow his cognitive skills are very poor. seriously...he's got George Bush Syndrome. His speech is disjointed and the faces of the crowd belie this. They are saying "WTF"??

  • Jeff Levy

    oops typo I aM Gay ...

  • Jeff Levy

    Dick BangOmen oops Rick Santorum is an idiot...

    When is someone going to catch him sucking Dick,

    He talks way to Much about Hot Sexy YUMMY Man On Man action to be Str8..

    I don't go around talking about Man on Woman action YUCK,
    I think about MEN cause I an Gay,,, he to must be Gay or at lest Bi...

  • David G

    Oh you know Rick. He's got his nose and fingers in everywhere.

  • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/akinsc Carla Akins

    While I haven't spent a great deal of time in the men's locker room at the Y, my sources inform me that men generally have a "no talk" and "no look" policy while showering at the urinal. So if Rick is chatting up others in the locker room, I believe that is a serious violation of the bro code.