We've all heard, "Confucius say..." What an amazing man he must have been. His reign of wisdom dates back a bit: 551–479 BC. Back then, his name was Kong Qiu.

How could someone who lived so long ago have such insight into mankind? Well, perhaps over time he's been credited with a few things he didn't actually say.

So I did some research and fortunately, I've found his book. I consider it a Nostradamus Predicts of Chinese proverbs. How amazingly prescient he was. Judge for yourself. Here's a few sayings I found that I'd like to share with you. If they resonate, I'm happy. If not, hey, it was Confucius, not me.

• Man who read woman like book, prefer braille.
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
• He who sleeps in cat house by day, in doghouse by night.
• Man who self-satisfy come in handy.
• Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
• He who has hole in pocket feels cocky all day.
• Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk.
• He who drives like hell, bound to get there!
• He who goes to bed with sex problem, wake up with solution in hand.
• He who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion!
• Man kicked in testicles, left holding bag.
• He who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train, likely to end up with splitting headache.
• Crowded elevator always smell different to midget.