Please welcome back guest blogger, K.C. Boyd:
To: College of Cardinals, Vatican City, Italy
Re: Dominionist Community Says Move Over. Pastor John Christian Hillcox To Be Named Next Pope
The times, they are a changin’. For the first time since, get this, the MIDDLE AGES, the pope decided to leave his post. Otherwise put, he threw in the towel. Abdicated. Jumpin’ Jehosophat!
Which is why, WE, God’s True and Only Christians, we see this abdication as a sign from on high. As Dominionists, you know, we gotta tell you; it’s time for an earth-ending, rending-of-the-heavens Change. As in: Change You Can Really Believe In This Time. Meaning, when it comes to candidate selection, not election, of the world’s next pope, how’s about we go with the Real Thing?
Catholic, schmatholic we say. Whores of Babylon, more aptly put. The day has come to bow the head and bend the knee to the one and only John Christian Hillcox for Pope. Pardon us, you guys in the Vatican: after centuries of trying to get it right, you got it wrong, praised be He. Now it’s our turn.
War, while rampant and deadly throughout the centuries, never came close to producing The Final Showdown. The Big Kahuna. The One. Not only that but all the while you were waiting for His return, your Catholic clergy-dudes consistently and organizationally chose to shower their anointing upon countless young lads across the globe to great and grave public shame and disgrace. In the final outrage, your Abdicator-In-Chief actually dared to openly flirt with Modernism by taking a little vaycay to Turkistan, land of the Infidels. Hey, anyone can see you’ve lost your way. Stuff happens. But take faith boys, We have come to save what’s left of Christianity.
We, American Dominionists, are the light and the hope in this dark, amoral mess of a world and we promise, there’ll be no hiding that light under the proverbial bushel basket. Because, fellow travelers, the time has come for US to take Dominion. To take Dominion over businesses and bankers, over government offices and elected officials. To rid the earth of that pesky One-World United Nations. To take back the Jew-controlled media and its pornographic entertainment industry. And when it comes to today’s public education system with its mandate to homosexualize our young, BAM!. . . consider it gone, replaced by proper Christian schools that will teach from the One True Text.
As for today’s modern “family” rife with same-sex abominations and femi-nazi dominatrixes, we’ll restore that sacred cow of an institution back to God’s intended unit of male dominance and female submission. We know you meant to do that but hey, you never did get to it, did ya? Lastly, hate to break the news , but we’re gonna have to put an end to the stranglehold you Catholics have held over Christianity.
Take heart; we’ll spread the Good News, but that means OUR news, not yours. Otherwise put, we will shake things up until we finally have a world worth saving, a world of True Believers. You’ve had your day. It’s our turn now.
To conclude:, We, as God’s True Chosen , hereby select Pastor John Christian Hillcox of The Male Headship Church in San Antonio, Texas as the Last and Final Pope.
Novelist K.C. Boyd is the author of the viral sensation, Being Christian: A Novel. According to Mikey Weinstein, President of the Military Religious Freedom Foundation, “Boyd created a story so riveting that not only could I not put it down, but upon finishing it, I found myself, like an addict, craving more.