“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
The power went out for 34 minutes in the Superdome. It was the most highly viewed power outage since PRESIDENT OBAMA’S first debate with ROMNEY.
A power outage during a Super Bowl in Louisiana. “You’re still doing a heck of a job, BROWNIE.”
The White House had a Super Bowl Party for Republican Congressmen where they served chips, dips and finger food. It was the PRESIDENT’S idea. “If it’s not a great game,” he said, “at least we’ll get a chance to see Republicans passing something.”
Next year’s Super Bowl is already in the news. It takes place in New Jersey. The NFL says it wants to prevent another blackout. so they’re looking into new laws that will keep GOV. CHRIS CHRISTIE away from his microwave.
The U.S. Postal Service announced they are ending Saturday delivery of the mail, which could mean a great jump in business on Fridays. But the Post Office will be ready. They just ordered a million new “This Window Is Closed” signs.
In Great Britain the bones of KING RICHARD III have been discovered. They knew it was the humpback King because they also found a note to his tailor that said, “Forget about the pants, it’s the jacket, the jacket needs fixing.”
RICHARD’S bones were found under a parking lot. He was killed in 1485. Fighting over a parking space, no doubt.
It’s “Fashion Week” in New York city and the clothing business seems to be all about young people. 19 year olds modeling the clothes. 24 year olds designing the clothes, and 12 year old Chinese kids making the clothes.
On February 14th we celebrate Valentine’s Day. In order to put a little pizzazz in your love life, we offer these answers to your sexual questions:
“What is the Rhythm Method?” — That’s when a couple goes to bed with the Oscar Petersen Trio.
“What is Copulation?” — Copulation is sex between two consenting police officers.
“What is an orgy?” — An orgy is a social gathering where they serve Doritos, Pringles and Carr’s Water Biscuits – And you’re the dip.
“What is auto-eroticism?” — That’s when a man doesn’t want to have sex IN his Buick – He wants to have sex WITH his Buick.
“Is there an insurance policy against bad sex?” — Yes! A company has just issued a policy that for only $25 a month guarantees both lovers simultaneous moments of ecstasy. Maybe you’ve heard of them, “Mutual Of Orgasm.”
22ND AMENDMENT TO THE CONSTITUTION RATIFIED …After four successive Presidential terms for Franklyn D. Roosevelt the 22nd Amendment, ratified in 1950, limited the Presidential office to two terms and rightly so. If a President can’t screw up the country in 8 years, he’s not really trying.