"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!
Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
At the inauguration of his second term, it was exciting to see PRESIDENT OBAMA standing at the podium with Justice SONIA SOTOMAYOR administering the oath. ROMNEY didn't attend the swearing-in ceremony. He was at home holding his own private swearing-AT ceremony.
In his inaugural address, PRESIDENT OBAMA said America's possibilities are limitless. Unfortunately at that moment LANCE ARMSTRONG shouted out, "That's what I used to think."
The first act of the PRESIDENT'S second term, to reaffirm his involvement in the Middle East, OBAMA telephoned Israel, Egypt, Jordan and the Palestine Authority. And to show his continued concern for our economy, he called collect.
The Pentagon will now allow women to serve in combat. The hope is that we can now finally defeat the Taliban with a new weapon, nagging.
Actually, The big concern was that the ladies were not physically as strong at men. You catch a woman during PMS and she's not only fierce and determined, but she can probably knock over six Marines.
After reading about CARDINAL MAHONY hiding evidence of child molesting to shield abusive priests, you suddenly long for the good old days when the clergy was "holier-than-thou" instead of "hornier-than-thou."
Because of a similar situation, the Boston Archdiocese had to file for bankruptcy and their churches were forced to cut back. Now on Tuesday nights when the congregation gathers they can only play "BING."
New movie, "Gangster Squad" had a disappointing opening weekend. The producers knew it wouldn't make it when they saw people in the theater lobby buying popcorn - To take out.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER has signed on to do a new "Terminator" film. Due to his age, this one features the catch phrase, "hasta la vista, baby - but not until I finish watching 'Jeopardy.'"
LINDSAY LOHAN has turned down an offer to appear on "Dancing With the Stars." LOHAN said, "If I want to see stars, I can just get into my car and hit something."
Firearms groups across the country have declared the first annual "Gun Appreciation Day." So don't forget to set your clocks back 100 years.